Adventures in Emmieland

I had a run in with what I can only describe as a creepy guy. It's been a while since I've felt unsafe around a man,  I've encountered men here and there that I don't particularly want to spend time with but overall in the last few years I've felt ok in my dealings with men in fact I've felt pretty positive. Saturday though we came across someone who just gave me the creeps. Just him looking at me felt like a violation. I can't even explain why I felt so strongly I just know that I didn't want him in the same state as me let alone only a few feet from me.  I didn't actually think I was in imminent danger since I was with Das but it was still a rather unsettling experience.

I came across someone's lament that people often disparage her dynamic b/c she doesn't struggle with her submission and she is never pushed outside of her comfort zone or asked to do anything she would rather not. She finds comfort in the fact that if a disagreement were to arise she and her master know that he has the deciding vote and that is what makes theirs an M/s dynamic. Thinking on it I can't say that continual angst sounds like the making of submissive bliss to me but only having to do what I'm inclined to do also doesn't sound like a blissful existence to me. I think it would be well and good to assume that I would do as he demanded when it wasn't to my liking if that assumption was never actually put to the test. Anyone who knows me knows I am a comfort loving creature so I'm not advocating the life of a slave be filled with unpleasantness and I certainly don't think anyone need prove anything. I do think the people involved should be intros...

Out with a couple of friends the other night chat turned to reading and I mentioned that the household I grew up in had both a jr and adult set of encyclopedias as well as multiple bibles, and generally a wide variety of reading material that augmented our public school education.  I tend to take this for granted as just something you do but one of my companions asked if my dad was a college professor which threw me. Then they went on to say that her household didn't put that kind of emphasis on education as her mother was a housewife and her father in the military.  It was kind of trippy to me since that is the same configuration of my family.  Technically I know all families aren't as bookish as mine but I haven't actually spent any time with them. No matter the social standing or income of the members of my extended family reading, education, and knowledge acquisition are valued things. It also happens that the friends and intimates I've had have been similar.  Th...

We attended a wedding over the weekend which was both lovely and unlike any other wedding I've ever been to. It's safe to say that I haven't spent much time in the country-country so there are things that I'm just not familiar with like hay bales as seating and boots as appropriate formal footwear. That didn't really phase me though but the rooster crowing during the vows and the donkey making noises that I am not skilled enough to describe that did throw me for a loop. It had me laughing though mostly at my citified self. The preacher had a delightful sense of humor starting the ceremony off with a bit from The Princess Bride and the bride was beautiful enough to rival any fairy tale princess, the groom obviously agreed since he couldn't wipe the enormous grin off his face. Being there to bear witness to their exchange of vows was an honor.  We are however running out of single friends, lol.

Last night while lounging in bed cuddling I started telling Das about my fantasies. This may not sound like a big deal but for me it is b/c while I'm pretty good with doing I'm much more reluctant around saying. I keep my sexual thoughts locked up pretty tightly leaving him to guess at what makes me tick. Over time he's pulled quite a bit out of me but for me to randomly offer up such information is damn near unheard of.  The funny thing is they are pretty tame by fet standards. I'm not hiding them because they're so out there I think he'll look at me as if I'm a pervert of the highest order. I'm just extremely private about things that matter to me, the more it matters the less likely I am to share it. Sex matters.  It matters so much that not only do I prefer not to talk about it I find I can't and I mean can't literally. When I try to say things my throat closes up and the words while running through my head simply will not come out of my mout...

I am reading Raven & Joshua's book Dear Raven & Joshua Questions and Answers about Master/slave relationships and I came to the question where Joshua was asked what he gets out of slavery. His answer was lovely. " Joshua: Primarily, I get the opportunity to do something real and meaningful with my life. While I wasn‖t exactly discontented with my life prior to being owned, it had never occurred to me to expect any kind of deep fulfillment or purpose from life. Now that I have that, I would not want to be without it. By my actions in service I am able to contribute to greater goals, rather than just keeping myself fed and housed and entertained. It gives me purpose. My master is doing great work in the world, and by serving him I support that work. I can do more good for the world by serving him than I could on my own. There is a quote I like very much, “There are two ways of spreading light—being the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” I am the mirror, and that‖...

I was up all night last night due to a storm. It wasn't that the noise was scaring me or anything like that but it was simply to electric to sleep. I was restless even though I tried reading and laying with my eyes closed in the dark relaxing my body. Eventually I made it outside sitting on the deck with Das in the rain, I love warm rain, it feel so good. It was good to finally get some reconnection time too. He's been working so hard/so much that we haven't has as much as either of us would like plus we've had a couple of not so stellar moments. The combination of him being stressed with work and me being highly emotional doesn't always mix well. I appreciate that we manage to come together to smooth things out well before they build into some insurmountable mess. I'm thinking about a sexy chair dancing class. I need to do a bit more moving and that would be a good way to do it. High impact is no good though and as much as I like the idea of pole dancing th...

I had a bit of excitement yesterday afternoon. I went to the dreaded mall, on homecoming day no less so obviously not a well thought out plan since every high school girl who didn't already have a dress was there with her mom frantically searching for the one true dress. I'm just trying to buy some jeans since when I got up it was around 60 degrees and all my clothes are made to be worn in the tropics. So after a few extras jump into my bag without any help from me from several different stores I take my loot to the parking lot that has become twice as full as it was when I went in only to discover that I can't find the car. Now usually I park in basically the same space but this time I overshot the turn and there was someone behind me so I went further than usual and parked by a different entrance. Add to the fact that it started raining the minute I got out of the car and hadn't stopped the entire time I was shopping and things are not going well.  I'm walking a...

I've been thinking about purple. It's been among my favorite colors for decades but in the last year or so it's come to the forefront. Red has been all but dismissed as a front runner it seems with no conscience intention. Pink is cute and lively but something about keeps purple calling me. My birthstone is amethyst a stone I've always liked, in fact I'm having waist beads made with them. Earlier this year I bought some purple titanium earrings which I've had no reason to remove since inserting them. My ears are quite happy and they are cute. I've always found the look of small hoops decidedly feminine. Tonight it finally occurred to me to look up the meaning of the color purple so that I could see if there was something behind it's insistent draw. Seems that it is associated with meditation, spirituality,  dreaminess, intuition and personality types that one could say describe me fairly well. I'm not going on a forced purple bing, I'll just se...

Another yr of growing out my hair. I think I'm almost at the point of no longer documenting it quite as meticulously probably the 10 yr mark will be a good stopping point. I will also likely start trimming it to around then too, we shall see since that is two years away hard to be sure. For now 8 yr pics! Left pic is last yr for comparison:

I saw this posted in FB: José Micard Teixeira “Please, don’t talk to me about your past. I don’t care who you were or what you did. I don’t want to know who you slept with or who you loved. I don’t need to know who hurt you or disrespected you. Please, don’t tell me about your mistakes or who almost died for your love. I don’t want to know the words you didn’t say out of fear or the ones you said out of anger. I don’t need to know about the gifts that were given to you or the ones that remind you of certain places or people. As a matter of fact, I don’t want to know anything about you. I just want to know you with me. As a matter of fact, I just want you to tell me what it all means to you without telling me the reasons why. Please, don’t show me who you were, but who you are. I want you to create yourself, liberate, love, laugh, expose and be with me who you’ve always wanted to be, because only then, I’ll be able to show you who I am instead of who I was and what I...

I have gotten a couple of pictures from Friday night from a couple of the other attendees which is happy making but unexpectedly there was also video! So I've both linked the first of four you tube videos from the event. I make an appearance at 6:29 and 9:33  and posted a couple of pictures.  http://youtu.be/m8T7meSyzKw

I've been thinking about the way we talk to our children. We speak to them as if their feelings don't matter, like they aren't actual people. I don't mean that we go out of our way to be cruel as most parents wouldn't dream of doing so. It's more the casual indignities that we so often visit upon them unthinkingly that we wouldn't dream of doing to another adult.  An example is the way we'll casually mention a need to a child for them to bathe in front of others. Who among us think that is appropriate or sensitive behavior towards another adult?  Yet it's something we do to children frequently. We act as if by dint of not having reached adulthood somehow their feelings are armored when in fact the opposite is most often true. They are sensitive beyond what you and I are so eager to please and crushed at being found wanting. What is merely mildly embarrassing to us as adults can be devastatingly humiliating  to a kid who who yet to acquire perspecti...

I finally got to inserting my egg today, for some reason I was expecting it to be more difficult and to feel more substantial. The thing is kinda heavy after all but it slipped right in without any issue and didn't feel like anything at all. I didn't notice it once it was in and now several hours later it's still there and still unnoticeable. I was a bit disturbed by that at first but after consulting with a few people I discovered that is a good thing, lol. Even though this one wasn't purchased but actually won so I didn't choose the crystal I did end up with a crystal that is in fact quite perfect for my goals. So pretty! Yesterday we caught up with some friends that we haven't seen in way too long. It feel good. Their house is one of those places that feels like home. We had so many deserts that my quip of the night was "what's a sugar high between friends?" I had so many that I promptly fell asleep when we got home. Of course the fact th...