Adventures in Emmieland

It's getting closer to sunday aka tattoo day... i'm excited but cautious since it's been rescheduled 3 times already so the hope that this time it's really truly going to happen is there but there is this small fear that something will come up again. I am pretty sure that everything that can be reasonably allowed for has been so nothing to do now but to wait for 4pm sunday to roll around. It's been a rollercoaster kinda week with family issues being thrown at me from all sides. I'm really glad that it's friday and I have nothing more strenuous to do than play some mind soothing games of suburbia on fb while listening to music, reading my kindle, and talking to Das.  Hmm dinner should probably happen too, just realized I'm kinda hungry. Of course anything necessitating me moving from my well worn spot on the couch for any reason besides dropping my behind into bed sounds like way too much work right now. I can eat tomorrow.

Maybe there is more to crystal stuff than I realized, I'm going to have to sit with this for a minute. Feeling suspiciously woo.  I've had a terrible jaw/tooth ache for the last few days that has been impervious to pain meds, swishing with alcohol and swishing with peroxide.  Without thinking much about it I did a yoni steam yesterday following by the insertion of a rose quartz yoni egg as a part of this week's moon mysteries class and noticed that about an hour later  I was really tired but my jaw felt fine.  In fact the fine feeling hung around all night and through some rather vigorous and sustained oral activities this morning after which the egg popped out. Here I am hours later still feeling like a million bucks. Hmmm.

Ok so there is a video going around made by a woman walking around for 24 hrs in a city that shows how prevalent street harassment is. I needed to watch it before I spoke on it and I finally saw it this morning. It was not nearly as horrible as I thought it would be based on my friend's commentary. I'm not saying street harassment isn't a thing, it has happened to me on occasion but when I watched the video what I noticed is that anytime a man spoke to her AT ALL no matter what he said or what tone he said it in it was filed under harassment. There were definitely some men who were out of line as hell, some who were what I would call borderline and some who were out and out creepy but the idea that a man can't say anything to a woman without it being harassment should not be where the bar is set.  Men are not default villains and a "hello" should not be an indictment.

I went to the retreat, relaxed and had a great time.  It was small which is always nice for this kind of thing and held in a private home so it had a nice intimate feel. We laughed, we cried, we hugged, we talked, we breathed, we shared, we joked, we meditated, and we ate. There was also lots of chocolate because this was a group of women after all no group of women would be complete without chocolate. Although I had a very good time I was really happy to get back home to my Das yesterday afternoon. We spent the time reconnecting. Someone who didn't know would probably have thought we'd been separated for weeks not overnight what can I say, we don't like being apart.

I put together a collage of a few of the outfits I've worn so far instead of trying to upload multiple pictures. I might have already actually used a few of these, not sure since I didn't go back and check. I'm not taking pictures daily like yesterday I never got around to it due to sheer laziness although I did complete 3 online tutorials.  There has also been a reasonable amount of picture taking of the pets and fences and stuff not me, lol.  I'm pretty happy that I can tell the lighting is getting better and the pictures sharper although I'm using the same camera. It helps to know what all those knobs mean! :)

It's early morning and in a few hours I will be off to a feminine retreat until Sunday at noon. I get the feeling that Das is not so happy that he said I could go now that the time for me to be gone is here. We're not often separated. I'm trying to go into the retreat with an open mind but the last week or so has been trying on me as a group that I am in and get quite a bit out of has taken a turn for the esoteric. I find myself looking at some of the post with a wtf expression on my face. Sigh. I know I am not on the upper levels of woo-dom and all but still I'm usually more receptive than I have been lately. I'm pretty doubtful that this is the right frame of mind to be embarking on this retreat but I can't change the date so it is what it is.

The last few days have been hectic with getting a fair bit of housework done and working on actually taking pictures with definition. Yesterday I took fuzzy pics but for the first time knew why they were fuzzy and was able to fix them, it totally made my day. I kind of feel like I'm speaking in code when I start muttering to myself about high ISO and drive meters. I also received yet another box of evidence of my recent manic shopping spree. I think everything has arrived except the fancy leggings now. I need to buy more hangers. Das has been messing with my head again. One would think after a fair period of time you'd be as enslaved as you can get. One would be wrong.

It both amuses and horrifies me that the posts on Homeschoolers Anonymous are what really bring my childhood into perspective. What one can accept as fairly reasonable and normal even when you know it's not is simply amazing. When I read the stories on there and find myself astounded by the craziness and cruelty some of the writers have encountered it stops me in my tracks to realize that the church I was brought up in was most times more restrictive in it's beliefs than the ones they are talking about and the household I grew up in just as fucked up.  I'm glad for them that they have gotten to happer places in their lives and I'm glad for me too.

I started an online photography class on thursday night which I'm loving. Das sent me the free 10 minute class to see if I liked the guy's style and I did so he encouraged me to go further. He's always encouraging me to explore creative skills/hobbies particularly ones I can learn at home. It's self paced videos that go over all the odds and ends on my camera that i have so far not been able to make heads or tails about and it's already making a difference. Although the class includes a tutorial on photo blogging and making money as a photographer that's not my goal, I just want to be able to take decent pics. Right now the best ones of people are of Das. He's an amazing model or maybe my camera just loves him but everytime I shoot him the pictures are crisp and his eyes are very very blue. I come out blurry as often as not so my camera doesn't love me nearly as well. It does however love my hair. Every strand stands out beautifully. I'm going to h...

When is asking important, by asking I mean actually forming a distinct question and awaiting an answer. Sometimes this trips me up b/c we swing between implied asking where I make a statement and assume consent when it isn't countered and me needing to make an actual request. The confusing thing is when the formal request is absolutely necessary. We don't have any type of signal that says "this situation calls for a specific request and woe be unto you to to go about your merry way assuming the other way would work fine"  It's kind of funny that I'm still navigating this nearly 8 yrs later. Although I am starting to catch on to a few clues such as when it involves others I'd do better to err on the side of formality. As much as I add errands and change stuff at the last minute when I'm on my own it goes over way worse when I do it when I'm out with someone else. I think it has something to do with looking like I assume I'll be allowed to do wha...

We have done it, tickets have been purchased and we are really truly going to visit my family for holidays this year... together. This will be the first time Das has met anyone in my family which I'm both excited and nervous about. I'm kinda wondering just how many people are going to come out of this meeting with all their limbs and who we will still be speaking to when it's over. My family can be delightful and difficult depending on their moods and the phase of the moon and goodness knows what other mitigating circumstances. Das describes himself as "intuitively tactless" so I can see things getting interesting really quickly. Luckily we are staying with my most laid back sibling for the duration of our visit, staying with my parents wasn't even an option, no one would have come out of that unscathed. As nervous as I am about the various scenarios that could unfold I am very happy that he's coming with me. I feel gobs less stressed knowing I won...

Some more friends of ours got married yesterday and it was a good time. They had a rocka billy wedding presided over by Elvis. There was much singing, some dancing, lots of laughter and smooching and a few tears. I'd call it a rocking success. The vows were a trip as they were widely made up of song and movie titles. Watching the bride who is a slave trying to get out of saying Love Me Mender and you are my Puppet On A String was highly entertaining.

I haven't yet settled on the dress showing conundrum but for this week at least I'll do one post to show off the couple of cute dresses since I didn't wear them every day anyway. I acquired a tripod and an attachment to hold my phone so that I can take pics of me in said dresses easily. Since I haven't gotten the settings just right for the big camera I'm using the phone for now. I'm taking them in my bedroom since the mosquitos are out with a vengeance and they think I'm a one woman buffet. So although outside is prettier inside is safer. Thursday I tried out the tripod while wearing a skater skirt and tank Friday I sported a black/red tank dress Saturday I donned the dress I'm wearing to a friend's wedding this evening.

There is something slightly surreal about discussing fashion with your doctor but that is exactly what I found myself doing today. We went over what types of clothes were the least restrictive while still looking cute. Lucky for me my personal taste are in line with what is good for non smooshiness. The leggings I recently picked up have an elastic waistband but it's not super tight and b/c they are one size fits most they have a fair bit of extra material making them very comfortable over my rounded and tender belly. He always seems amazed at the daggers I shoot him when he touches both my belly and my back but hey when your kidneys are over twice as large as normal there is bound to be some sensitivity.  It seems that because I'm not extra heavy I am actually experiencing more pain since there isn't anything to buffer. Thinner is not always better.  All in I I'm doing quite well which is good.

Sometimes you don't even know you need to be whipped back into place as it were until you are or maybe that's just me. Today I have a rather sore bum but am more settled. I never cease to find it fascinating that even though pain doesn't play a daily role in our dynamic it has a place that feels necessary for us both. Him I get with him being a sadist and all but since I continue to steadfastly deny all accusations of masochism no matter how much evidence to the contrary gets produced, I don't really understand why I get all out of whack when it goes too long without a nice firm session. Maybe it's not only about the pain, it's possible that the stark undeniable realization of my willingness of please and the depth of obedience even contrary to what seems to be reasonable measures of self preservation. That's heady stuff in a power dynamic.  Coupled with a blatant show of strength which I experience as both alpha and masculine, sexy as hell, not to mention...

Today I had a fun filled girls day which was much needed to catch up with a friend who is only across town but our schedules never seem to mesh. It's been way too long but we made up for it with a highly indulgent lunch and impulse shopping, lol. Das was pretty pleased with both my purchases and the fact that I made them out of my allowance. I had a lady-lunch on Friday too. It feels good to make intimate connections with some local women, especially ones who get my life. That is pretty invaluable. I bought 4 dresses today and they are all I would say lolita inspired. After a good deal of research and being honest about the fact that I hate slips so petticoats are so not happening I came to the conclusion that while I like the lolita style it simply isn't practical for me so I figured out how to take some elements that suit me and work them into my wardrobe. I'm going to have to get some pictures. We seriously need a full length mirror.  Lucky for me that the skater ski...

One of the down sides to taking antipsychotics as prn as the tendency to not notice when you need to actually start taking the suckers right away. Seems that I've moved into a period of more frequent mixed states than either mania or depression which isn't as easy to detect offhand. I've been sitting around feeling all kinds of out of sorts for a bit not getting why and last night I had a migraine come on full force with nausea, well the med I take to combat the nausea also happens to be an antipsychotic amazingly my mind cleared and the near constant agitation and feeling like being on the verge of tears all the time was gone.  I'm grateful that I respond so well to the old school meds but I feel vaguely hung over today. My goal today is sleep, lots and lots of sleep, being crazy is exhausting.