Adventures in Emmieland

There was a writing prompt on tumblr about insecurity, what is yours and how has it affected your dynamic. I think anyone who knows me knows I have serious abandonment issues. They have gotten a lot better but I can't say that I'm easy going when something feels like I'm being abandoned without regard for reality. Of course this has had an affect on Das and I. I'm pretty sure there have been times he wanted to strangle me instead of reassuring me countless times that he is here and going nowhere and no one is more important to him than me. He's handled it pretty well, giving me reassurances and still letting me know it's not my place to question him. It's a bit of a balancing act I'd think. One effect it has had is that neither of us is open to being poly again. Given how I lose my mind he says it's not worth the effort it would take to integrate someone else and get me ok with it. He does call himself a lazy master for a reason. :)

I feel like I've been running around like the proverbial chicken after beheading. Making sure baptismal info is acquired, harassing people about sponsors and easter vigil service. The good thing is I got answers. Sadly it looks like Das' dad can't sponsor me as there is a rule about close family members. Luckily my RCIA teacher is awesome and already on the getting a sponsor for me from the team.  Easter Vigil is going to be a long assed day, we have practice in the morning and must be there early for the service which doesn't start til 8 and goes about 3 hours. I'm going to be a drooping baby. In other good news I talked to my advocate and she let me know that she has been informed that the final judgment is done and we are null! yayayyay! Now I hope the post isn't crazy slow since I still have to get with FrP and come up with a date for our rewedding before Easter. whew, so much to do. I'm trying not to stress about the job situation. There has been ...

Aftercare. I didn't know the word right off but I knew that after being hit with something I wanted to cuddle. The funny thing about aftercare is how it's defined and even needed differently by different people.  I know my desire for snuggling was at first difficult  for Das because his other partner was more of a hop right up after a scene and go smoke, no cuddles required. Since he also smokes that seems to me to have been how their aftercare worked. Going to share time relaxing over cigarettes. It actually took a good while for Das to not just leave me to fend for myself. Even now he often gets up to smoke right after intense evening but these days he comes back for the cuddling. I've also adapted by learning to speak up. At first I had this idea that he knew what I wanted and was withholding it to be a big meanie. Since I never said anything he was often left wondering why I was sullen or giving him the evil eye. Things got way better after some talking. I think some so...

This morning I woke up in the middle of a conversation with myself. The topic was people saying things such as "I know what you're thinking/going to do/feeling" I have always bristled when people say these things to me and I was untangling it to a greater degree than my dad said it when he was being an ass. Now it's true that he did say those types of things when he was being an ass but he's not the only one. From my experiences people who feel the need to say the "know" your thoughts motivations future actions or feelings do so in order to subtly belittle the person they are talking to and establish dominance. If they are so knowing they can often use even the idea of their superior knowledge to manipulate others. As children many people think that at least one of their parents must be clairvoyant due to a seeming uncanny ability to sniff out the kid's misdeeds. In actually mostly that ability comes from years of observing their child, learning ...

It's been a whirlwind week but for the life of me I can't recall what the hell I've been doing. Guess I'm getting old. :) I sat in the car two days in a row while Das went on interviews b/c he wasn't sure what the parking situation would be and I might have needed to move the car but luckily for me I did not have to do any city driving. Sunday we met George for lunch which went well. I was a bit suspicious of the octopus but it was actually yummy once I got over the fact that it still had it's plunger looking things on it's tentacles. He gave me a sweet necklace and we are going to some wine thing with him soon. He's an adorable little man. He told me he was short but I didn't realize just how short. For someone his age he looks to be in good shape and has a sweet smile. We still chat a bit daily but no more trying to convince me to run away with him which is nice. This weekend we plan to hit the studio and I believe at the end of the month Das w...

Finally going to meet this strange man who wants me to run away to greece. Of course Das is going, that was non negotiable to me and he caved easily. Hopefully now that he is back in town he'll chill. and it's tomorrow... We had a nice lunch with G. and he gave us both really sweet gifts. Das was given one of his world champion judo medals and I was given a rare greek coin made into a necklace. Plus he took us to a great restaurant where I even ate grown up octopus. Look at me being all adventurous.  Otherwise it was a quiet day yesterday. This morning I felt the need to be cute and sing and dance so I did. Even recorded some of it. I like one picture because it's a bit different, playing with shadow/light again. One day I'll get it just right. The rest of the day I'll be catching up on my RCIA homework for tomorrow and relaxing. I do a lot of relaxing, lol. Guess I should eat something somewhere in there.

Reading some urban fiction yesterday I noticed the word thirsty came up several times describing someone who either crushing on someone else or heavily pursuing someone who had no interest in them.  It got me thinking about word meanings. Thirst is a biological function that tells your body you are lacking something essential to the human condition, in this case water/fluid. Given how much of the body is made up of water and that you can live over twice as long without food as you can without water thirst obviously serves an important purpose. Now using that word and applying it to someone seeking (however awkwardly) another thing essential to the human condition, companionship/love/affection, seems to me to have been done almost intentionally. I think it reflects the current western society's obsession with independence by degrading the express of need for someone else. While I'm pretty sure no one was sitting around thinking about that kind of connotation I've noticed t...