Adventures in Emmieland

Yesterday I found myself reading a first hand account of slavery in an interview of two sisters who had been 12 and 6 when emancipated. It intrigued me because there really are not many first hand accounts by slaves of their experience. What both interested me and annoyed me though, were the comments. Person after person expressed regret that the sisters, in their eyes, seemed unaware of the horror of slavery since the ladies both agreed that their former master was a good man who treated them well. They even said that growing up in the main house they were spoiled and didn't want to leave when word of emancipation came through. I found it annoying that someone who has never come close to their experience felt that they were better equipped to classify and describe it than the women who actually lived it. So many of the comments were patronizing. People said things like "poor things they didn't know any better" I don't like the idea of slavery any more than th...

Sitting here catching up on post about hair had me think about an incident when I was around 10. My parents decided to have a cookout with members of our church on a Saturday afternoon, my usual "hair done" day. My mom washed and conditioned my hair but then got busy and left it to dry without braiding it. Now I have mad shrinkage, my shoulder length hair looks like a two inch Afro when not stretched,  and let me tell you having to get my hair braided after it dries is a high level form of torture. So the day goes on and I'm enjoying myself paying my hair no attention until guest start arriving, then suddenly I become hyper aware of my uncombed hair. To my recollection no one made any comments about it but I remember with the clarity reserved for mortifying events the deep embarrassment I felt about my hair being undone. I was near tears just because my hair wasn't braided or straightened. Looking back it seems nuts that as an elementary school student my hatred of ...

I imagine that it is difficult to say the least, to explore relationships between masters and slaves or even free black folk and white folks. The idea that white men with black women was always only rape seems off to me. Not out of any desire to downplay the reality but just in thinking about how complex people are now and have always been. It's doubtful that most or even many of these arrangements were entered into due to mutual affection but I can't say it's an impossibility. Of course in the case of owners with the owned that adds an element of coercion simply due to the power differential. I wonder if in fact those with true affection on both sides had more difficulty because they were stepping outside of accepted roles on both sides. To not hate the slaver and to not disdain the slave would have put them in unenviable positions within their communities. I'm not looking for great romances that reframe the reality of that period but I am curious about the actuali...

Das and I were talking the other day about how relationships change which flowed into a discussion on the state of ours. While we never had an extremely obvious (to others) M/s dynamic we've moved into that chill space where to us, it looks like we aren't really doing much. Well it looks that way until we note other people's reactions to us. What we take for granted and has just become how we do, is still noticeably different from the norm. These days we chill a lot. I wonder if for folks who had more obviously intense dynamics the easing off looks more like losing your way than finding it. Sometimes intentionality is important if just to make sure that complacency hasn't set in. I haven't seen it talked about much, the growth that goes on and from the outside looks like a pulling away from M/s when in reality its a testament to how much our roles have been internalized that he doesn't need to flex and I don't need to be placed. Now of course there are peo...