Internalization
Das and I were talking the other day about how relationships change which flowed into a discussion on the state of ours. While we never had an extremely obvious (to others) M/s dynamic we've moved into that chill space where to us, it looks like we aren't really doing much. Well it looks that way until we note other people's reactions to us. What we take for granted and has just become how we do, is still noticeably different from the norm.
These days we chill a lot. I wonder if for folks who had more obviously intense dynamics the easing off looks more like losing your way than finding it. Sometimes intentionality is important if just to make sure that complacency hasn't set in. I haven't seen it talked about much, the growth that goes on and from the outside looks like a pulling away from M/s when in reality its a testament to how much our roles have been internalized that he doesn't need to flex and I don't need to be placed. Now of course there are people who keep it hyped up because that's something they like or maybe even need, not because they have less growth but simply because that's their thing. Ive always known it isn't Das' way and while I sometimes need to feel the boundaries most of the time I'm good just knowing they are there. Makes me think of the saying about training an elephant by keeping it tied as a baby so much that as an adult they won't go beyond where their chains used to be even when untied because they've internalized the chains.
These days we chill a lot. I wonder if for folks who had more obviously intense dynamics the easing off looks more like losing your way than finding it. Sometimes intentionality is important if just to make sure that complacency hasn't set in. I haven't seen it talked about much, the growth that goes on and from the outside looks like a pulling away from M/s when in reality its a testament to how much our roles have been internalized that he doesn't need to flex and I don't need to be placed. Now of course there are people who keep it hyped up because that's something they like or maybe even need, not because they have less growth but simply because that's their thing. Ive always known it isn't Das' way and while I sometimes need to feel the boundaries most of the time I'm good just knowing they are there. Makes me think of the saying about training an elephant by keeping it tied as a baby so much that as an adult they won't go beyond where their chains used to be even when untied because they've internalized the chains.
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