Racism by proxie
I’m not sure why but tonight a few incidences I had in my teens/early twenties came to mind. Now people will tell you 5hat North Carolina is the south south like say Georgia or Alabama which I suppose is true but it’s certainly not a multicultural haven either. I grew up on and around a military base which means I was exposed to people of different ethnicities and cultures regularly. You might think this hodgepodge of folks would be a buffer against racism but nope.
My best friend had parents who were immigrants, one from Poland and one from Japan. They were always sweet and welcoming to me and I never head them say anything nasty about any person or group. But when the Polish relatives were visiting I was forbidden to come over due to their racism. Another incident comes to mind my first year of college. My second roommate was a sweet girl from a small town. She needed to make a quick trip home and asked me to ride with her, I love riding so of course I went. When we got there her parents took one look at me and rushed me indoors. They cut short the visit and told us not to stop anywhere on our way out of town. It was a sundown town, I’d vaguely heard of them but never expected to actually experience one. Obviously I was never again invited to ride home with her again. The third clear incident was in the year before my wedding so I was 19/20. My friend who I’d gone to high school with and attended the same college needed to run something over to her parents at the lodge. Since we were hanging out and her parents liked me I rode with her. I almost got whiplash with how quickly her mom ushered us out because apparently patrons didn’t take too kindly to my kind of folk being there.
With all of these I felt not only frustrated but betrayed. In my mind what I was hearing was even though I think you are alright I will side with and entertain the friendship of people who I know would wish you harm just for being black. What astounded me was how no one seemed to get why I took those things personally. It’s not the big neonatal rallies and klan gatherings that really wear a body down, it’s the daily indignities and reminders that standing for what’s right Falls by the wayside the moment it becomes inconvenient. It’s hard to not believe that the people you know no mater how kindly they treat you, hold some of the same views and attitudes when they have no problem surrounding themselves with the outspoken racist. I know for me it’s made it that much more difficult to befriend white people. I don’t let myself get too attached until I’m damn sure as I can be that they aren’t the types to laugh awkwardly or remain silent when racist jokes are told. Goodness knows everyone isn’t a front line person but there has to be a line that one not only doesn’t cross themselves but they also refuse to allow it to be crossed unrebuked in their presence. Is that really too much to ask?
My best friend had parents who were immigrants, one from Poland and one from Japan. They were always sweet and welcoming to me and I never head them say anything nasty about any person or group. But when the Polish relatives were visiting I was forbidden to come over due to their racism. Another incident comes to mind my first year of college. My second roommate was a sweet girl from a small town. She needed to make a quick trip home and asked me to ride with her, I love riding so of course I went. When we got there her parents took one look at me and rushed me indoors. They cut short the visit and told us not to stop anywhere on our way out of town. It was a sundown town, I’d vaguely heard of them but never expected to actually experience one. Obviously I was never again invited to ride home with her again. The third clear incident was in the year before my wedding so I was 19/20. My friend who I’d gone to high school with and attended the same college needed to run something over to her parents at the lodge. Since we were hanging out and her parents liked me I rode with her. I almost got whiplash with how quickly her mom ushered us out because apparently patrons didn’t take too kindly to my kind of folk being there.
With all of these I felt not only frustrated but betrayed. In my mind what I was hearing was even though I think you are alright I will side with and entertain the friendship of people who I know would wish you harm just for being black. What astounded me was how no one seemed to get why I took those things personally. It’s not the big neonatal rallies and klan gatherings that really wear a body down, it’s the daily indignities and reminders that standing for what’s right Falls by the wayside the moment it becomes inconvenient. It’s hard to not believe that the people you know no mater how kindly they treat you, hold some of the same views and attitudes when they have no problem surrounding themselves with the outspoken racist. I know for me it’s made it that much more difficult to befriend white people. I don’t let myself get too attached until I’m damn sure as I can be that they aren’t the types to laugh awkwardly or remain silent when racist jokes are told. Goodness knows everyone isn’t a front line person but there has to be a line that one not only doesn’t cross themselves but they also refuse to allow it to be crossed unrebuked in their presence. Is that really too much to ask?
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