Adventures in Emmieland

Today is the day I was supposed to reschedule only to find out that the courthouse is closed, again for ice... really? thwarted left and right I tell you! But it's all good. instead I donned my only piece of lingerie and flitted around like a little purple fairy for a while. The outfit was well received if the bruised on my ass are any indication.  ;)  Obviously I need to buy more lingerie, not just for seductive purposed but because what I had on has no give so I ended up having to cut it off, lol. At least there were pictures. Slow day the last few days, we've been talking and I have been trying to make heads and tails of my chart. Taken up an interest in astrology. As far as I can tell so far... nix that, I can't tell jack so far, lol. I feel so wrung out recently, I suspect the hormones are rearranging yet again as I venture closer to 40 and I wish they would settle into a nice happy place. Life feels good, rather like I'm on the brink of something, not sure what ...

We did not get married as planned. No, because the weather here is seriously unpredictable and even though we had been basking in comfy 70 degree weather just days before by Friday morning we'd been covered in about a half inch of ice which for an area not used to anything but sun is the equivalent of a national emergency, lol. Soooo Friday morning alerts went out that all the county offices would be closed instead of delayed as earlier reported. People at the drugstore on the corner were at work but the government workers were cozy in their warm abodes and my tiara must wait until we can reschedule to be worn. This time I will check the extended weather report before setting the date.  :)

My mother and I were chatting a few days ago and she mentioned that I look younger in recent pictures than I did in pictures my cousin had posted on facebook that were taken when I was 17. This is not the first time she's said that I look younger now than I did when I was younger and I've been thinking about it. I do look younger in a way, I look lighter in spirit. I believe my happiness is evident in the way I hold my body and in my smile. The despair I felt living in my parent's house that I tried to hide came through no matter what. Something else that I don't think is as obvious is the comfort with myself as a girlishly feminine woman that I've come into makes a huge difference. When I was  growing up I felt torn about displaying femininity. My dad disdained femininity and expected me to be tough. While I was supposed to be properly presentable as a daughter I wasn't supposed to act like "those girls". Even though my inclinations leaned toward ...

I write I don't write, there is no telling when I'll pop up on my own blog these days. I guess I haven't felt like I've had anything to say.  I feel a little like I need to hibernate after all the writing I did earlier in the month. Plus I've been running around getting all kinds of stuff situated for various odds and ends, we get married tomorrow and dammit I'm wearing a tiara, lol. It's not going to be anything fancy, no ceremony at all really just us and a few friends at the courthouse but that is no excuse to miss out on a good photo opportunity. Which of course meant a shopping trip! One of my girlfriends and I braved the mall last night in order to procure just the right tiara and hair clips. Somehow a hoochie dress jumped in my bag while I was there too. It's a good thing Das is in a generous mood more so when the clothes that mysteriously find their way home with me are tiny and form fitting. ;)  I tried on a skirt in one store because it was cut...

I read various blogs and one thing I've seen repeated is the theme that in order for girls to grow into having high standards in mate selection and treatment they need to be treated well and told/shown their own worth by their fathers. The term daddy issues is thrown around quite freely. What I don't understand is why is it always the daddy? Do girls not absorb messages of their inherent worth when the bearer of those messages is a mother, grandmother, aunt, or female of some sort? What about if daddy isn't in the picture but uncle, grandaddy, older cousin, older brother, play uncle, or some style of manly figure who shows concern and is active in a girl's life. I think the nuclear family method of child rearing is myopic and the theories that spring from it aren't telling the whole story.  Children who are well cared for and have a good sense of their own awesomeness tend to not settle whether they be male or female and that message comes in many forms from many ...

People often talk about the after effects of sceneing but I never hear them talk about them being negative aside from subdrop. I don't know if what I experience sometimes is subdrop I just know that there are occasions that after a scene I am in need of a bit more than cuddles and chocolate. Tranquilizers and antipsychotics have often been brought into the mix to steady me.  I'm grateful that I have those kinds of aides available to me. Today I'm feeling like my head is cotton stuffed and my limbs are slogged in syrup. I slept a good deal but more sleep is needed. On the one hand so much has been revealed to me, I have the clarity of one who has achieved enlightenment and yet I know nothing.

Yesterday proved wrong my theory that I wasn't allergic to cedar, seems I simply hadn't been outside more than 5 minutes in the last few days until then. Cedar has been at record high levels recently and surprisingly I have been fine. Well slight issues with runny nose but otherwise good to go so I figured whatever my allergy issues were cedar wasn't the culprit or at least not the main offender. Then we spent yesterday running errands, outside. By the time we got home and settled in I was miserable, my eyes, my poor sad, itchy burning watering can I just claw them out now please, eyes. And I have yet to understand how one can be stuffy and runny simultaneously, grr. By early evening I was officially unwell with a headache to boot so I dragged my sorry ass to bed about 7pm. Which would explain my being awake at 4am. One fun errand yesterday was obtaining our marriage license. I must say TX marriage licenses are way prettier than NC ones. mind you for what they cost they b...

I have been writing, not so much in my blog the last few days but essays (2) about different aspects of M/s. It has been interesting and enlightening. Writing about my personal journey especially aspects I don't generally talk about has filled me with butterflies but at the same time it has been freeing because I do believe in living honestly.  I won't go into detail because eventually both essays will be published as part of larger works but there is something satisfying about letting go of that thing that you've been keeping behind the curtain due to worry about being judged and standing up to say this is my reality. I've seen posts and articles of sensitive natures where comments were made that they (the commenters) hoped the authors friends, family, bosses... never saw the writing due to it's content. It was framed as concern for the author but there was an untone of recrimination towards the writer for having the audacity to write something they deemed unacce...

The woo stuff throws me for a loop. I'm pretty open to the idea that there are things I can't explain but when they happen to me it still makes me uncomfortable, after all they are supposed to happen to other people, people who are more in tune with nature or something. I have been hearing Das call me without actually hearing his voice. In fact when I hear it he's often asleep as am I. I just wake up and know that he called me and wants me close so I go to him.  I finally told him about it rather hesitantly since I was a bit worried he'd think I was psychotic but nope, he just said that sometimes he needs me.  The ease of his acceptance of these things sometimes startles me. He is comfortable with our bond in a way I wish I was. I think I will be but I can't say I am there yet. To him that I would respond to his unspoken desire for me makes perfect sense. To me it brings me back to childhood when I had inexplicable knowledge that made people pray over me and made ...

I have new bling for my collar. Das let me buy a cute pendant as long as it was easy to remove so I found someone who attached a link and a clasp to it. Easy off for when he wants use of the O ring.  Now I just need someone to put in my second set of captive bead earrings and I will be set! they are pink, no boring old regular metal color on these ears. The ones I was able to get in myself in the front holes are purple. I love titanium. I find it amusing that Das always refers to me as his girl no matter who he's talking to or where he is at. On the occasions that I've witnessed it the looks on people's faces are priceless. There is confusion, then curiosity, then that "whatever" internal shrug where they decide girl is short for girlfriend and move on. There isn't a term for me to use about him that can be used the same way. I guess I could call him my man but it doesn't do double speak as well. Maybe "The Man"...  I will have to ponder it ...

It tickles me to no end how much two english speakers can not understand each other. People expect that kind of thing when you speak different languages but you just aren't on the look out for it when you speak the same one. Assumptions can be a bitch. Not long ago Das and I were idly chatting and the subject of lingerie came up. I said something to the effect of it's too bad you don't like lingerie b/c this whatever is cute. He looked at it and agreed that the whatever was cute and then pointed out several other whatevers that he liked. I was puzzled so asked if he had changed his mind about not liking lingerie. He said no he still thinks matching underwear is silly and useless. Now I am really puzzled, what does matching bra and panty sets have to do with lingerie? He looks at me like I have lost my mind and informs me that lingerie is underwear what I was pointing out was not lingerie. Oh, I didn't realize that, I had been calling it all lingerie, maybe it's a ...

It has been a busy couple of days, strange Das goes back to work and I end up doing more not less with my days. I have run all over the city it seems and whew tired me. On the upside he showed me how to hook up my computer and phone to the music system so that while he's not home I can enjoy pop music in stereo. Ah yes there has been much dancing going on again. Today I got everything out of the house done early so I can settle in and do tidying and writing the rest of the day. I have stuff with due dates that I need to get wrapped up so Das can edit it. Since i haven't been feeling as up to outdoor stuff I have moved my focus inside which works pretty well. I guess I also need to work on my son's room as it is still a blooming mess. One thing at a time. Dishes are washing, animals are cared for and now it is time to break for lunch. After that laundry! Ah the life of a spoiled slave, I may be spoiled but dammit laundry still needs to get done and light bulbs won't ...

I've read so much on body image and a recurring theme is getting girls into sports because girls who play sports do so much better all around! More confident, better body image, better academics, less likely to be sexually active before they are ready... sports is touted as the cure all for what ails girls when it comes to body issues and self confidence. I call bullshit. I was an athletic kid well I should amend that, I was involved in physical activities since I was young throughout high school. What I wasn't was good at them. I joined a dojo in middle school b/c I had no choice. I hated it, I was hopeless at remembering my forms and while I was a good fighter I never liked sparring.Let's not even mention the yelling we were supposed to do with every strike. I am quiet spoken and rarely raise my voice. As an adolescent I was downright timid and painfully shy, being forced to yell in public was a special kind of torture. The mandatory hours of practice at home made me cr...

One thing we talk about and have never seen eye to eye on is art. I am not into it and Das very much is. He's shown me paintings,  read me poetry, literature and discussed plays and all the while I have no idea what the hell he's on about. I simply don't see all that he is seeing in any of it. When I see a toilet hanging on a wall all I see is a toilet hanging on a wall not a social commentary piece or whatever. I personally don't look at it and think it's brilliant, it doesn't speak to me or move me in any way and I'm honestly confused by all the hoopla. Even if a particular artist is not his favorite Das seems to be able to grasp all the undertones and "stuff" from whatever they are doing and appreciate it so he gets irate when I refer to it as "that art stuff" in a less than complimentary tone.  Something he has said to me on more than one occasion is "When you don't understand art like that it's not art's fault....

If I'm going to regularly be mistaken for a kid at least I will give people a good reason for it or it could be that I simply have odd fashion sense. exhibit A: