Adventures in Emmieland

I have truly got to learn the fine art of moderation. Yesterday was spent mainly in bed as my body was retaliating from Sunday's excesses. Today I woke up feeling great so i promptly washed some laundry (by hand), cleaned the guest room, swept the puppies room, and cleaned the kitchen all before eating breakfast. Kinda dreading tomorrow, lol. There have been many crazy nonsensical dreams but sadly I never remember them fully just in fragments. I figure it's a good thing that I'm not waking up scared, just bewildered. Today I got a letter from the tribunal that thy have all my testimony and will be moving forward. I really hope the next steps don't take too long because I am all kinds of topsy turvy about the outcome. In the end everyone did come through and submit their testimonies. I have good people. Now I'm trying to figure out a church wedding that is not overblown. Hard when the churches are so darn big, and I am feverently trying not to even think about ...

In a discussion with someone this morning it came to my mind that I was over involved with the issues between my ex and his ex when they really weren't my issues.  I don't like conflict and I don't like displays of anger so I fell into trying to be the between person for them because generally she was more polite to me than him and when he did see her it usually ended up with him storming around the house. In my desire to avoid the storming I set myself up for all kinds of angst, worrying if in our meeting she if would be nice, if the kids would behave basically letting ever possible negative turn things could take eat me up.  Funny that we have been apart for a good while but I am only just realizing this. Obviously trying to avoid conflict and keep my home peaceful at the cost of my personal peace was not a great long term plan and thankfully one I haven't  felt pressed to employ again. Lesson of the day, don't take on other peoples shit. 

Is something implicit if the one reading it doesn't read it as such? Makes me wonder how much shared language moves on the assumption of understanding.  Das was reading me something or other that started out talking about nearness then somehow merged into things and objects without any rhyme or reason from my perspective. While he claims that there were questions all I heard were statements.  I have no idea how to explain that just because I don't hear it the same way  I'm hearing it wrong. It's frustrating. Maybe all the assumptions are there because he's read a lot of books by philosophers and understand the cadence of their words whereas I tend to read things that are written pretty straightforwardly which leaves me feeling like I'm reading a foreign language when reading philosophical works. 

In elementary school we learned a song about happiness that starts with "happiness is two kinds of ice cream, catching a firefly, setting him free" I loved that little song it made me happy. As I've gotten older happiness to me has stayed pretty simple which makes me wonder if that was exactly the goal in teaching us the song young, to keep in our minds that you don't need extravagant things to be happy. If so well played.

So last night I was dreaming about gender fluidity. I have no idea why but somehow in my dreams I was redefining it and starting a support group with people I seemed to know in dreamland that to my knowledge don't actually exist.  Sometimes my dreams trip me out like when I dream of being chased down and eaten by a werewolf only to awaken right as their claws grab me. Not a pleasant way to wake up. Mostly they aren't that grizzly just completely nonsensical. Oddly enough the most disturbing dreams are the ones that seem mostly normal with just some undefinable thing being off. I usually wake up from those with my heart pounding like I'd been running a race but without anything I can put my finger on to be scared of.  I wish I was better or any good at dream interpretation. It would be interesting to say the least.

Sadly there is no more local munch. Granted we only went once but you know how it is to expect stuff to be there when you can fit it in.  I am definitely missing the kind of kinky people I got used to be around in TX. There are likely some here but we haven't met them yet. Going into town is a pain and most evenings we are too tired and drained to socialize with strangers. Bleh I guess I can't complain about lack of kinksters when I haven't made much effort to find them.  I believe people are right when they say it is harder to make friends the older you get. Not that I will stop trying but trying to have realistic expectations. 

"If the kid isn’t setting the table, clearing the table, loading a dishwasher, raking leaves, or taking the dog out, then  the kid should be paying rent.   " The above is a quote from an article I read today about the things you are doing wrong as a parent that makes your kid a brat. Now I had a problem with several things in the article, seriously giving the kids the opportunity to choose dinner makes them bratty, but the whole clean or pay rent thing bugs me greatly.  Chores should not be punishment for being a non rent payer, people without kids pay rent and do chores, imagine that! Chores are part of the cost of living in a clean comfortable environment and everyone living in it contributes. If my kid isn't doing some household chore(s) then I'm not teaching them that everyone kicks in to make the home comfy for all of us. We do chores because we all live here and as such we are all responsible for household upkeep.  I don't ge...

Whew it was a rough weekend, no sleep sick dog and lots of worry. Thankfully the pup made a full recovery (well almost full she still looks slightly drunk when running) but it was seriously touch and go for a while. I discovered she likes camomile tea and it's touted relaxing qualities are not mythical. All night Sunday she whined and growled and howled til I thought my heart would break. I assume it was the pain of her muscles waking up because early monday morning she was walking, walking like a drunk sailor on a ship but I was happy to see it. If you have never tried to cuddle a dead weight 66lb dog in your lap let me say, it's no easy feat. All my muscles are sore from lifting her head into her water bowl and constantly changing her puppy pads. Yesterday I gave the house a good scrubbing to get rid of the sick dog smell and I'm beyond glad that that unpleasant interlude is over.

Just when you think things are calming down life throws a curveball. Last night puppy 2.0 got into some medicine and was having major reactions so we rushed her to the vet.  After hours there what it came down to is that they would not treat her without a couple thousand right then and the treatment cost estimated around five thousand. Suffice it to say that was a bit out of our range. What really got me though was that was for a wait and see treatment. So we decided to take her home against medical advice.  Now she seems to be doing a mite better but she's no where near normal yet so we are hoping for the best.  Das is really torn up because he was the one not paying attention and left the meds within her reach. Honestly I swing between aggravation at him for simply not being more diligent (this is the second time she's gotten into his meds but the first time it wasn't bad) and just going with the "shit happens" attitude.  I'm pretty sure he will have a compl...

There is something very satisfying about eating grapes from your own yard. I enjoy the delights of the yard but I'm glad the trees and bushes were put in before me because plants should not come in too much contact with me since they seem to die.  Over the last couple of days I put together the dining room table, feeling much handier but man was I missing the electric dcrewdriver especially when it came time to use the wood screws. I thought my arm was going to fall off.  Tonight we were going over things that lower blood pressure since mine is still entirely too high. The dark chocolate gets my vote but I suspect the mean man is going to insist on cod liver oil. I am to be pitied. 

No parent likes to hear that they've failed their kid in any way but when you find out you sent them where you thought they would be safe only to discover that they had been mistreated it guts you. My younger son told me some about his time living with his dad and step mom. Well now I know why his dad has refused to talk about it, I think he knows I'd like to do him bodily harm. What kind of person makes a kid sleep on the floor as punishment? It wasn't the only issue, not even the worst but suffice it to say if I'd had any idea of how things would be there is no way I would have sent him. What gets me is that his dad let it all happen. He was right there and has even said that he didn't agree with her on some stuff but instead of protecting his son he allowed a partner who has major issues demean, control, and assault his child in the name of discipline. My baby boy is a good kid who will get through it but seriously I want to do major beatdowns. I can'...

I am slowly putting the things we picked up from Das' parents away. Still have to move the bookcase and chair into proper positions but I'm all happy because I single handedly assembled the dining room table! Chairs tomorrow, no need to wear myself out. I also lounged in the patio chairs soaking up sun reading my kindle. it has been a very good day.