Old Fashioned or Just Old?
Sometimes isolation is a good thing, sometimes not but lately I've been feeling both a touch more social and annoyed with my social options. As much as I want to hang out for brunch or fun chit chat I want to do it with people who get us. It's annoying to have to be so aware of everything I say and do.
We had a short lesson then a Christmas party at RCIA class last week and it was both fun and frustrating. I mean seriously is it that odd for a wife to make her husband's plate? No one looked offended it was just the look of utter shock that passed over the faces of those who realized Das was sitting down and I was getting his meal and making sure he had drinks. It's not that I made a big deal of it it's just that because I was the only wife doing anything remotely like it I stood out. I want to be in the company of people where that doesn't stand out, where it's the norm at least sometimes. This is the biggest difficulty I've had with moving.
We have tried to ease into the scene here but it's a very different scene. The scene in TX changed over the last few years but at least we already knew enough people that even if we had no desire to go in certain directions we were well able to spend time with likeminded people in relaxed situations. Family dinners, brunches, shopping trips just regular life stuff with people who didn't question that I needed permission and had curfews and stuff. I guess you really don't know what you have until it's gone.
I'm wondering if I've become more old fashioned in a way, not so much submissive but more entrenched in my ideas of the roles of the sexes. I know I always had a less flexible idea of that than Das did but I am thinking that as an unexpected consequence of being so isolated I need to know like deep sure know that he's gonna be the man. Not that he's ever not been what I wanted but I'm more aware of my vulnerability. What's weird is how comfortable and mushy it makes me. Like the less I can do on my own, the fewer people I have to fall back on the happier I am. I'm sure a therapist would have a field day with that idea but it is what it is.
It's been snowing the last few days which has me in even more than usual and since I ran over my phone data plan I've been playing less online and reading more. Of course my favorite reading material right now flips between murder/thriller novels, fantasy, and what is marketed as dark romance. If I'd discovered that genre when I was a kid I wonder how much more warped I'd be than just being fed your standard slightly in charge boy meets slightly in charge girl and power struggle ensues which leaves boy in charge but girl right at his hip or only a half step behind. I'm pretty sure my inclinations to hand with the teen criminal element would have been worse which could have landed my ass in trouble so it's a good thing I wasn't getting any extra ideas.
Sometimes it feels like I shouldn't be so happy with being home, reading, laughing, trying to stop my destructo mutts from running off with my shoes... It's like I'm afraid to admit my contentment b/c it might disappear. But you know I am content with my life. My kids are in a good place, my brothers seem to be doing ok and my dad is still crazy but not quite as crazy, maybe, lol. Tonight we're having pizza and movie night while I sip on a frosty (pure sugar) and have a muttly cuddled in the crook of my legs. The mutt has a big head and always cuts off my circulation but we do this dance daily and it never gets old. Bleh, time to stop rambling, i have killers to spot and romances to untangle, not to mention a man to dote on and pizza to eat.
We had a short lesson then a Christmas party at RCIA class last week and it was both fun and frustrating. I mean seriously is it that odd for a wife to make her husband's plate? No one looked offended it was just the look of utter shock that passed over the faces of those who realized Das was sitting down and I was getting his meal and making sure he had drinks. It's not that I made a big deal of it it's just that because I was the only wife doing anything remotely like it I stood out. I want to be in the company of people where that doesn't stand out, where it's the norm at least sometimes. This is the biggest difficulty I've had with moving.
We have tried to ease into the scene here but it's a very different scene. The scene in TX changed over the last few years but at least we already knew enough people that even if we had no desire to go in certain directions we were well able to spend time with likeminded people in relaxed situations. Family dinners, brunches, shopping trips just regular life stuff with people who didn't question that I needed permission and had curfews and stuff. I guess you really don't know what you have until it's gone.
I'm wondering if I've become more old fashioned in a way, not so much submissive but more entrenched in my ideas of the roles of the sexes. I know I always had a less flexible idea of that than Das did but I am thinking that as an unexpected consequence of being so isolated I need to know like deep sure know that he's gonna be the man. Not that he's ever not been what I wanted but I'm more aware of my vulnerability. What's weird is how comfortable and mushy it makes me. Like the less I can do on my own, the fewer people I have to fall back on the happier I am. I'm sure a therapist would have a field day with that idea but it is what it is.
It's been snowing the last few days which has me in even more than usual and since I ran over my phone data plan I've been playing less online and reading more. Of course my favorite reading material right now flips between murder/thriller novels, fantasy, and what is marketed as dark romance. If I'd discovered that genre when I was a kid I wonder how much more warped I'd be than just being fed your standard slightly in charge boy meets slightly in charge girl and power struggle ensues which leaves boy in charge but girl right at his hip or only a half step behind. I'm pretty sure my inclinations to hand with the teen criminal element would have been worse which could have landed my ass in trouble so it's a good thing I wasn't getting any extra ideas.
Sometimes it feels like I shouldn't be so happy with being home, reading, laughing, trying to stop my destructo mutts from running off with my shoes... It's like I'm afraid to admit my contentment b/c it might disappear. But you know I am content with my life. My kids are in a good place, my brothers seem to be doing ok and my dad is still crazy but not quite as crazy, maybe, lol. Tonight we're having pizza and movie night while I sip on a frosty (pure sugar) and have a muttly cuddled in the crook of my legs. The mutt has a big head and always cuts off my circulation but we do this dance daily and it never gets old. Bleh, time to stop rambling, i have killers to spot and romances to untangle, not to mention a man to dote on and pizza to eat.
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