Meeting people where they are
I've heard people get upset by what someone else thought was a compliment based on their own context not that of the speaker. This was on my mind when I was listening to some music and the featured guy came on and said something to the effect of I'm not calling a woman out here name, bad bitch is the only thing I call you, not a perfect quote but you get the idea.
I have plenty of friends, and myself to be honest, who would not be at all thrilled for some stranger to call me a bad bitch. However I had to step back and think about why I would be upset, am I assuming I'm being mocked, am I assuming a bad attempt at hitting on me, do I think I'm too good to be called a bad bitch? In my case I think when I hear someone talking about a woman as a bad bitch they mean someone who kicks ass and takes names all the while maintaining perfect makeup, nails, and hair. A take charge kinda woman, basically I assume they are talking about a woman unlike myself so if they are redirecting it to me my suspicions are that they are mocking me. What I realized is my insecurity is not their problem. Given a moment to process I'd have a good idea of whether or not they are being sincere by markers such as tone, facial expression, body language, and knowledge of the context they are saying it in. Now context isn't always available if you are speaking with someone you don't or barely know. I think we could all do with slowing down the knee jerk reaction of assigning something we personally find insulting the worst possible interpretation without considering the person saying it.
Now if Das called me a bad bitch I know he's teasing me, like when I say I'm hardcore. Being anything but it's cute because I know he's not trying to belittle me. I'm more of a babygirl type. Now if my youngest brother called me a bad bitch (in certain settings) I know he's straight complimenting me. Funny how nearly everything depends on context and yet all too often we only consider our own when dealing with people.
I have plenty of friends, and myself to be honest, who would not be at all thrilled for some stranger to call me a bad bitch. However I had to step back and think about why I would be upset, am I assuming I'm being mocked, am I assuming a bad attempt at hitting on me, do I think I'm too good to be called a bad bitch? In my case I think when I hear someone talking about a woman as a bad bitch they mean someone who kicks ass and takes names all the while maintaining perfect makeup, nails, and hair. A take charge kinda woman, basically I assume they are talking about a woman unlike myself so if they are redirecting it to me my suspicions are that they are mocking me. What I realized is my insecurity is not their problem. Given a moment to process I'd have a good idea of whether or not they are being sincere by markers such as tone, facial expression, body language, and knowledge of the context they are saying it in. Now context isn't always available if you are speaking with someone you don't or barely know. I think we could all do with slowing down the knee jerk reaction of assigning something we personally find insulting the worst possible interpretation without considering the person saying it.
Now if Das called me a bad bitch I know he's teasing me, like when I say I'm hardcore. Being anything but it's cute because I know he's not trying to belittle me. I'm more of a babygirl type. Now if my youngest brother called me a bad bitch (in certain settings) I know he's straight complimenting me. Funny how nearly everything depends on context and yet all too often we only consider our own when dealing with people.
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