Invisibility

I read an article by a woman approaching fifty that spoke about her experience with becoming invisible to men. She said she was no longer seen as a fun flirty girl but the dotty aunt. What intrigued me was the story she used to illustrate her point. At a party not knowing anyone she inserted herself into a conversation between two men she did not know then proceeded to basically grill them trying to force conversation well after they had indicated no interest in talking to her. She didn’t let them alone until one was downright rude. This to me isn’t a case of an older woman becoming invisible, it’s a case of being annoying and rude assuming you could disregard social cues by virtue of being an attractive female.

She may have encountered more clear cut incidences where she was ignored, overlooked, patronized, desexualized or whatever but the story she told didn’t illustrate any of that. She doesn’t know if she had approached the conversation less aggressively if they would have responded more positively. She can’t know that if she’d chosen a different set of men to talk to that they would have embraced her boldness. This seems to be a case of trying to explain away ones own social ineptitude which resulted in a perfectly appropriate rebuttal by claims of the horrors of society in its attitudes towards older women.

I’ve heard other women talk about becoming invisible as potential sexual partners but it makes me wonder who are they looking at? Are they at fifty trying to or expecting to catch the amorous attentions of men in their twenties and thirties or are they looking at their own peer group. While it seems to be a widely held opinion that older men actively look for much younger partners in droves studies have found that among both men and women the objects of their attraction age as they do. So fifty year old men are by and large attracted to fifty year old women. Assuming that is true what is the basis for so many women feeling as if they are no longer looked upon as attractive? I wonder if it doesn’t have more to do with what the women feel about themselves moreso than the actual feedback they are getting from men. Trying to hard isn’t attractive at any age so if a personal feeling of lessened attractiveness leads to behaviour that borders on desperation well it’s no wonder there are negative reactions.

Now I’m wondering if women who identify as lesbians have the same feeling of no longer being considered attractive in a sexual manner by potential partners due to aging.

I realize I am looking at this from the comfort of hav8ng a mate who finds me insanely hot and lets me know it. If I were single my perception might be different, who knows.