Same old church drama
In the blogs I read about growing up in fundamentalist christianity there has been a recent uproar about an article posted in a christian magazine written by a former youth leader who is currently serving jail time for statutory rape of one of the young women in his youth group. From what I understand the article has been taken down and an apology issued by the magazine for running it after they were blasted with comments, letters, and personal accounts from people who had been in similar circumstances as youths.
What I didn't see though was a truly thoughtful discussion of the matter. I read the article and I certainly didn't think the man was taking even a modicum of responsibility for his actions let alone exhibit any empathy for the young woman involved or his wife and how things affected them. He was playing the "my wife wasn't paying me enough attention so I basked in the adoration of a willing lolita and oops slipped into sin" card. And the opponents of the article were so busy screaming about "he raped a child he should not be allowed a platform to speak" that what actually happened was never really discussed and dissected in a thoughtful way that could be meaningful and helpful in teaching church leaders and congregations or the readership in general about power differentials, abuse of positions of authority, differences between seduction and coercion, normal and natural feelings of connection between ministers and those they minister to and ways to maintain that without crossing into inappropriate territory, dealing with crushes from both sides when working with adolescents, and accountability within the church.
When someone hears the statement "he raped a child" it brings to mind a specific type of crime that often looks nothing like what it is being ascribed to. It's intentionally inflammatory and shuts down needful conversations. It also takes away sexual agency from young adults when the "child" in question is a teen. By saying a teen is inherently incapable of ever making a decision about their own sexuality under any circumstances we aren't doing them any favors. We are still teaching them that the most important issue at hand is their sexual purity, something we give lip service to moving away from but by not focusing on other areas we instead reinforce it. Do issues of consent concerning teens get more tangled when the other partner is an adult, yes, is it a blanket situation of consent violation? no. It's also no a blanket situation of adults being seduced by conniving teens. It's simply not that easy. And by focusing this particular situation on the fact that this minister violated his post with an underaged girl leaves no room for discussions about how many ministers do the exact same things he did with someone over 18. Those people don't have anyone ready to run to their defence over the sullying of their "innocence" which points out to me that we are focusing on the wrong issue. The issue should be the breaking of trust, the misuse of position, the abuse of power. There needs to be ongoing discussions about ways to increase accountability in the churches so that you don't have to be the perfect victim to come forward and be supported. Leaders who misuse their positions need to be ousted, forgiveness needs to stop being an excuse to allow hurt and demand those who have been hurt to remain silent.
This is an issue I think about a lot, it has a lot of layers and twists. It can't be properly dealt with in a witty saying or an outraged yell. It truly has to be pried apart piece by piece situation by situation. There is no one size fits all and until we stop treating it like there is there will be no real progress.
What I didn't see though was a truly thoughtful discussion of the matter. I read the article and I certainly didn't think the man was taking even a modicum of responsibility for his actions let alone exhibit any empathy for the young woman involved or his wife and how things affected them. He was playing the "my wife wasn't paying me enough attention so I basked in the adoration of a willing lolita and oops slipped into sin" card. And the opponents of the article were so busy screaming about "he raped a child he should not be allowed a platform to speak" that what actually happened was never really discussed and dissected in a thoughtful way that could be meaningful and helpful in teaching church leaders and congregations or the readership in general about power differentials, abuse of positions of authority, differences between seduction and coercion, normal and natural feelings of connection between ministers and those they minister to and ways to maintain that without crossing into inappropriate territory, dealing with crushes from both sides when working with adolescents, and accountability within the church.
When someone hears the statement "he raped a child" it brings to mind a specific type of crime that often looks nothing like what it is being ascribed to. It's intentionally inflammatory and shuts down needful conversations. It also takes away sexual agency from young adults when the "child" in question is a teen. By saying a teen is inherently incapable of ever making a decision about their own sexuality under any circumstances we aren't doing them any favors. We are still teaching them that the most important issue at hand is their sexual purity, something we give lip service to moving away from but by not focusing on other areas we instead reinforce it. Do issues of consent concerning teens get more tangled when the other partner is an adult, yes, is it a blanket situation of consent violation? no. It's also no a blanket situation of adults being seduced by conniving teens. It's simply not that easy. And by focusing this particular situation on the fact that this minister violated his post with an underaged girl leaves no room for discussions about how many ministers do the exact same things he did with someone over 18. Those people don't have anyone ready to run to their defence over the sullying of their "innocence" which points out to me that we are focusing on the wrong issue. The issue should be the breaking of trust, the misuse of position, the abuse of power. There needs to be ongoing discussions about ways to increase accountability in the churches so that you don't have to be the perfect victim to come forward and be supported. Leaders who misuse their positions need to be ousted, forgiveness needs to stop being an excuse to allow hurt and demand those who have been hurt to remain silent.
This is an issue I think about a lot, it has a lot of layers and twists. It can't be properly dealt with in a witty saying or an outraged yell. It truly has to be pried apart piece by piece situation by situation. There is no one size fits all and until we stop treating it like there is there will be no real progress.
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