Adventures in Emmieland

I've been laying here thinkibg about fitting in. As long as I can remember I have not felt that I fit in anywhere. It used to cause me a great deal of distress but these days I have mostly come to terms with it. Some of my earliest memories are of me and a few other children playing in the park next to my house when I was around five. It never ceased to amaze me that those other kids knew some secret unspoken language and a set of rules for interacting that I was clueless about. In middle and high school I had a couple of home base friends but I flitted from group to group trying to determine my perfect fit. When I was hanging with the brainy kids I got restless and bored with the seemingly never ending academic conversations. On the other hand when I hung out with the kids who had more antics and less inclination towards academics I got bored with the lack of mental stimulation and slightly horrified by some of their antics. In my early twenties I thought I had found my place i...

Das told me he thought I was getting the drinks he'd left in the car after his shopping trip. I said I hadn't planned on it and he told me not to be so lazy. It's true I am terribly lazy. I'm also obedient so even though I was happily nestled in my chair I got my butt up and retrieved the drinks.  It tickles me that even though I would rather spend my time reading and doing whatnot on the computer when it's a case of us both being lazy all he has to do is tell me what he wants done and I do it, mostly with a good attitude. I think he is the only person I know who is completely unphased by my laziness. He takes it in stride knowing that with a word he can have me hopping. There is something sexy and comforting about it. Some people really get off on always being of active service me not so much. I get off on being indulged maybe because it is so clearly indulgence and the knowledge of its precariousness reinforces our dynamic. 

Thinking about an interaction I had last night in class. Two female students who I particularly like decided to sit on either side of me. I looked at them and said how I enjoyed being surrounded by great people and immediately one of the women started telling me that I should never put myself down nor allow anyone else to do so.  She also began telling me in what ways she finds me wonderful. I like compliments as much if not more than the next person but I was taken aback that she assumed that for me to express pleasure in someone else then I must think lowly of myself. Not sure where that comes from since it's not at all the case.

I've watched several tutorials and decided to try pipecleaner curls again. They came out better this time and I figured out that I really need to put them in when my hair is wet and how to install them without tangling my hair. Since this was a trail run I wasn't expecting perfection but I'm pretty happy with my results. Since they aren't tight I doubt they will last long but I'm not giving up!

Humiliation or being degraded is a topic that's popping up frequently of late. I think about some of the stuff we indulge and someone outside of us would be appalled and worry about my self esteem but I enjoy it. Some people have stated that they like it and don't ever feel humiliated but I can't say that. Sometimes I feel extremely humiliated and I'm ridiculously easy to embarrass, the thing is going there is in itself pretty hot. I like the naughtiness of it. Now when things start getting touchy for me is when we are doing a lot of humiliation stuff when playing back to back time and again with no variation. That starts to mess with my mind. I find variety of approaches to play needful. Sometimes I just need the reassurance of sweet words and cuddles. My ease with it also is affected by my base mood and the level of emotional sensitivity I'm currently working with. For example there are times when a fantasy of being shared is hot and other times when it just mak...

We took a road trip this weekend and I finally met his parents. Now given my track record with my spouses' parents I was understandably nervous but I am happy to say it went very well. Although I am not all that chatty when I first meet people we muddled through and had a few good laughs. By the end of the visit I was even gifted with hugs! Hopefully we will go back soon as I enjoyed their company and I love hearing about Das as a child.

I was reading the writings of a slave on fet who really enjoys humiliation. Now I can get down with some of that kind of play myself so the idea isn't completely foreign but the scope of things she talked about had me reading it and thinking she was nuts to be with someone who treated her that way.  I didn't think that she should not have obeyed b/c hey that's what you do, what I was thinking however was what a jerk her master came across as. One story in particular jumped out at me that had me calling him all kinds of names. Long story short she recounted one of the times that he'd had her pee on herself in a store. Das doesn't have me ask permission to pee but I know some people who do and that in and of itself is no big deal to me. If he'd refused her bathroom request at home or at a kink event where they had clean up materials on hand, no problem. The thing I could not get past is he intentionally made her pee on herself (and therefore on the floor around ...

I love You Tube, I swear you really can find anything on there. I was talking to Das about needing some kind of scarf or something to keep my hair tidy and away from the dog hair my puppy is forever shedding and came across a tutorial on making your own loc sock. Since I had a couple old pairs of leggings it was on! Now I have neat hair that's not in something so tight as to give me headaches. I'm also a wee bit loopy from pain meds so Wheeeee!

We were out and about a lot yesterday so today I'm laying my tired bones down and having a lazy day. I was thinking a lot on a conversation I had yesterday, while chatting with a guy he was telling me about his daughter's weight gain while she was away from home over the course of 3 months. This was before I saw her so in my head I had a certain idea of what she looked like. Then I saw her and realized that she's quite slender and this was after a significant weight gain. Now it must be pointed out that both father and daughter are athletes and their sport requires as small an upper body as possible in order to avoid injury.  I appreciate that but at the same time the very idea of telling or even hinting to a teenage girl that she is too big, particularly when she is in fact nearly tiny boggles me. I can't see myself doing it. It really makes me glad that none of my kids were competitive athletes because I think I'd have a hard time balancing the needs of their sp...

Sometimes I am in absolute awe of Das. No matter how rough things get for him he hangs in there with relatively little complaining. I'm sure I hear more of it than anyone else which is only right and proper, if a man can't complain to his girl then who can he complain to? He had a procedure the other day which helped some of the issues he's been having with his gut. It also showed just how bad off he was and the amazing thing was how well he'd healed without any treatment. He could have died from the issues he was having and in fact the doctor was rather surprised that he'd not been treated and lived to tell about it. It may be fanciful but I think he didn't die because he's not only too stubborn, he also refused to leave me alone. After all he vowed to take care of me and the man takes his vows very seriously. It's an indescribable feeling to know that he loves me to the extent that he'll deal with relentless pain, and remain in a place for years ...

I make no secret of my love for historical romance novels so it's not surprising that it was in reading one that I came up with an idea. The main male character is often a male of the peerage in his late 20s to mid 30s who has spent his time with little to no responsibility. Boredom with this lifestyle plays a part in opening his heart and mind to whoever the main female character is.  Now my idea, I'm wondering if our societies infantilizing young adults spring from what well could have been a real situation since in order to formally acquire titles and lands to manage the heir must wait for the death of their father which could well occur well into what we term middle age for the heir. One story stood out to me because they described the hero of the story as a youth, mind you he was 37 but his parent was still alive so his life consisted of frivolous pursuits. Fast forward a few hundred years and now we have not only idle immature peers but due to universal education in man...

Today is a holiday which I am celebrating by reading novels, eating chocolate cake and snuggling in my fuzzy blanket, all sans clothing.  Being naked at home is a privilege that I don't think is appreciated nearly as much as it could be. Years of living with others seriously cut into my naked time but now I'm doing good to put clothes on before noon if I even bother. Something about it feels so good and is confidence boosting. I don't always like the way clothes hang on me but I love my body big feet and all.  Today's lesson, be naked as much as possible and eat cake for breakfast, it makes for happiness.