Timely Quips

Reading a blog post this morning about a parent who in a social gathering talked about how well her child turned out, in her mind because of physical discipline, while her adult daughter was highly annoyed to say the least since she has made it clear that she disagrees with that and many more aspects of her upbringing. The comment section was rife with the witty comebacks one always seem to have after the moment has passed but one in particular stood out to me. 

"The fact that I am managed not to drown is hardly testament to the success of the millstone tied around my neck" 

I love this statement because it puts the whole I treated you shitty but since you turned out well I can take credit for it instead of acknowledging pain I caused you and celebrating how hard you had to work to do well in life despite it. 

I've experienced not only parents doing this but other people jumping on the bandwagon to protest someone else experience. You were spanked and you're a great person so it must not be too bad. I tend to think that in those cases you have someone who doesn't want their own parenting choices questioned so they feel a need to maintain solidarity with other parents whether or not they have the same methods or ideology.

What people don't seem to get is how much that frustrated and hurts. It's bad enough to have parents who refuse to allow that maybe their decision in raising you weren't all good ideas and sometimes downright harmful but to have other people minimize in the parents defense is maddening. 

I wish I could be as witty as the commenter but more often than not I wake up at some crazy pre dawn hour muttering comebacks days later. In the moment I'm flustered and frustrated and trying not to be completely inappropriate socially so the back pats go unchecked.