rent?
Once again something I saw on FB has me thinking about something. The question was should parents charge adult children rent. There were a whole lot of yes and a whole lot of no but I don't think a blanket yes or no works. I give my "it depends" vote with no shame.
I was charged rent as a young adult and I was at the same time under a curfew and had to follow various and sundry rules put forth by my parents in order to continue a level of control over me that made them but not me, happy. There was always the "if you don't like it there's the door" attitude which definitely contributed to my leaving home for good as soon as I possibly could and swearing to myself that no matter how difficult my life became I would never live under my parents roof again. What I learned from this was how it feels to be expected to take on adult responsibilities while being treated like a child. It wasn't a good feeling and it did nothing to strengthen my relationship with my parents. Although they didn't seem to notice on my end it strained that relationship damn near to breaking.
At the heart of the debate on adult children paying rent when living at home is, most parents would say, a matter of respect and teaching adult behaviour. Sadly in the rush to teach many parents never bother to learn. If you want to charge your adult child rent because they are grown well then you also need to treat them like they are grown. This doesn't mean there can't or shouldn't be any house rules but they should be general and expected of all and any grown folks in your home. If you don't have a curfew, neither should they, dictating their lives doesn't help either of you to make the transition from parent raising a child to parent coliving with an adult they happened to have parented. No one, at least no one reasonable expects that on the 18th birthday payment will suddenly drop all concern for their child's wellbeing but what we should expect is to behave differently.
If you have an adult child living with you that you respect as an adult, that you can live with their habits as a roommmate without wanting to maintain control over them, then by all means charge rent. Now on the other hand if you want to call all the shots from keeping tabs on their every move, insisting on a curfew and basically treating them in a way that doesn't differ than the way you treated them in high school then no, no rent should be charged because you have decided that their adult status takes a serious backseat to their position in the family as your child. Children don't pay rent. I hear parents lament about grown kids wanting to have their cake and eat it too. Hey spect o be catered to, they expect laundry services and meals provided and it's just crazy. Yes it is, so everyone needs to adjust their expectations. The idea of they will always be my child s a cop out for not having to do the work on either side to transition your style of relationship. If both sides don't do it then everyone is doomed to sharing space in a way that no one enjoys. So yeah, it depends.
I was charged rent as a young adult and I was at the same time under a curfew and had to follow various and sundry rules put forth by my parents in order to continue a level of control over me that made them but not me, happy. There was always the "if you don't like it there's the door" attitude which definitely contributed to my leaving home for good as soon as I possibly could and swearing to myself that no matter how difficult my life became I would never live under my parents roof again. What I learned from this was how it feels to be expected to take on adult responsibilities while being treated like a child. It wasn't a good feeling and it did nothing to strengthen my relationship with my parents. Although they didn't seem to notice on my end it strained that relationship damn near to breaking.
At the heart of the debate on adult children paying rent when living at home is, most parents would say, a matter of respect and teaching adult behaviour. Sadly in the rush to teach many parents never bother to learn. If you want to charge your adult child rent because they are grown well then you also need to treat them like they are grown. This doesn't mean there can't or shouldn't be any house rules but they should be general and expected of all and any grown folks in your home. If you don't have a curfew, neither should they, dictating their lives doesn't help either of you to make the transition from parent raising a child to parent coliving with an adult they happened to have parented. No one, at least no one reasonable expects that on the 18th birthday payment will suddenly drop all concern for their child's wellbeing but what we should expect is to behave differently.
If you have an adult child living with you that you respect as an adult, that you can live with their habits as a roommmate without wanting to maintain control over them, then by all means charge rent. Now on the other hand if you want to call all the shots from keeping tabs on their every move, insisting on a curfew and basically treating them in a way that doesn't differ than the way you treated them in high school then no, no rent should be charged because you have decided that their adult status takes a serious backseat to their position in the family as your child. Children don't pay rent. I hear parents lament about grown kids wanting to have their cake and eat it too. Hey spect o be catered to, they expect laundry services and meals provided and it's just crazy. Yes it is, so everyone needs to adjust their expectations. The idea of they will always be my child s a cop out for not having to do the work on either side to transition your style of relationship. If both sides don't do it then everyone is doomed to sharing space in a way that no one enjoys. So yeah, it depends.
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