Adventures in Emmieland

Today I mailed off my application for permanent residency, it’s been a long time coming but I’m so excited I could bust. Now I realize that the who process takes around a year barring any problems but I’m not anticipating any issues. I’ve heard that’s it’s taking around 2 months to get a record of receipt so I’m going to be squirming until mine comes. Otherwise life is trucking along quietly but steadily.

I’ve been paying more attention to a feminine woman’s group that I’m a member of recently. While I love the comrade and information I find myself annoyed beyond reason by the way some people talk. They are talking crazy or anything it’s just the style of speech that I find irritating. I don’t even know why I find it so irksome. While I’m not comfortable using flowery speech I can’t quite grasp why other people’s use of it makes my teeth clench. I think I’m being petty and I don’t even know why. Trying to actually understand yourself sucks sometimes, lol.

Gardening is not for the faint of heart although it might be easier if it wasn’t done in the hottest part of the day. Today I pulled weeds, a never ending and thankless job, tried to stabilize a few precarious looking tulips, and plotted on how to transplant the sea of iris I have in the back yard to the front. I’ll have to look up if they are sun loving or shade loving before proceeding though. And of course I took pictures because there needs to be evidence that I donned gloves and got into the dirt. Another kind of getting dirty I did today was converse with my roommate about jealousy. He asked if I was jealous or insecure and I said jealous. Of course he proceeded to tell me that I wouldn’t be jealous if I wasn’t insecure. On the face of it that makes sense but something about the 1+1=2 nature of it doesn’t sit well with me. While they are often linked they can exist separately or at least that’s what I think. One of those issues I’ll have to ponder at three a.m. when everything ...

For the first time in all too long we made it out to the local munch. Although it started off kinda awkward like walking into a group of strangers tends to be, it got better we chatted, laughed, and flirted. I also learned a great deal about modifying Nerf guns and was given gardening tips. Das said that only I would go to a munch and end up looking at baby pictures. Meeting a couple of people was fun and goodness knows I was long overdue for some female companionship. My house is testosterone city these days. Now that I think about it me being outnumbers by the fellas in my family is a theme. In following a local gardening group I discovered that one of the plants I couldn’t identify is one of those evil invasive species. Looks like some weeding is in order tomorrow. Sunday I spent the day weeding and digging out the old dirt around a tree stump so that I could plant wildflowers in good dirt. What is the world coming to that I actually paid for dirt, just not right.

In a discussion with one of my roommates about racism, homophobia, xenophobia and other ways people find to be evil to each other his go to reply was that the people are scared so it’s understandable that they react in these ways.  Mind you when the conversation turned to riots and lack of cooperation with the police in solving crimes he was all about completely blaming the folks who aren’t involved and just trying to keep their heads down and get through the day, week, month, year. I pointed out that these people are scared of retribution if they talk to the police but apparently being scared is only a reasonable reaction for people being assholes not people who are or could be in actual danger.

Life is finally hitting a level stride. Das has a job that so far he likes, he only just started, we’ve got settled with our roommates, and I’m about to finish up residency paperwork. Our mutts are even behaving better. Now if only I wasn’t so damn tired all the time. Like now, I’m crazy tired which seems pretty reasonable given it’s not even four thirty a.m. and I haven’t been to sleep yet. I want to take a sleep aid but I have to be up and ready to go by seven to get Das to the train. Oh well I will sleep when I come back I guess. The last few days I’ve been riding and driving all over creation, I want a nice restful day to catch up on housework and nap, maybe even wash my hair. Speaking of hair I started taking a hair skin nails vitamin. It’s a gummy and man why don’t all my meds come in gummy form? I love gummies, and I hate swallowing pills. Maybe I should start a petition. This weekend we are going to hear the students of a voice teacher we know, sing in concert. She has th...

I read an article by a woman approaching fifty that spoke about her experience with becoming invisible to men. She said she was no longer seen as a fun flirty girl but the dotty aunt. What intrigued me was the story she used to illustrate her point. At a party not knowing anyone she inserted herself into a conversation between two men she did not know then proceeded to basically grill them trying to force conversation well after they had indicated no interest in talking to her. She didn’t let them alone until one was downright rude. This to me isn’t a case of an older woman becoming invisible, it’s a case of being annoying and rude assuming you could disregard social cues by virtue of being an attractive female. She may have encountered more clear cut incidences where she was ignored, overlooked, patronized, desexualized or whatever but the story she told didn’t illustrate any of that. She doesn’t know if she had approached the conversation less aggressively if they would have respon...

There is a Laibach song that says “ life is life” they certainly have it right on that one. So the last eek or two I’ve been hanging on precariously to the sliver of mental stability I have. I realized I needed a living time out when I started cursing the bathroom floor and wondering aloud why boys don’t notice they missed the bowl. Usually I just roll my eyes and clean it up, one of the “perks” of slavery but I was straight ready to fight about it. So I spent several days in bed. When I’m like that not only do I hibernate I don’t get shit done. Dishes weren’t washed, laundry piled up to unreasonable amounts, food was minimal and definitely no talking. Just vegged away on short stories and picture taking. My ex says he knows taking pictures is my go to destresser so he was worried about me given how much I was posting on the gram. Since I actually enjoy taking and editing pictures I’m going to have to remember to do it when I’m not a hairs breath away from a breakdown. Speaking of ...

This is the best picture I’ve seen of PKD kidneys. I’ve seen people pictures once they ere taken out but this gives a much better visual on jut how much smooshing of other organs is going on. I’m lucky in that while I have a belly I’m not quite looking highly pregnant and I can find cute clothes. Some may think that being concerned about my outfits is frivolous in light of  hoping to not need a transplant or dialysis but looking cute helps me feel better. There is so much going on that I can’t conrol that being able to throw on an adorable dress gives me something. I wonder how many people have sexual issues with PKD. I’m on a couple of FB groups but I can’t recall any discussions on it. I don’t even know if nephrologist bring it up but thy should. I know I was thrown by how much experimentation it took for us to adapt to my ever growing belly along with the sensitivity it brings.  There are so many day to day things that are affected like breathing, gas, pain that can ...

I think I almost figured out how to download pictures! The only issue is they aren’t all available, I can only find through February. Oh well at least I have birthday pics finally.     All these are from my birthday, prewar, wet, then curled dry. Those rag rollers are on point, lol

I woke up wondering why a word would be considered inappropriate for polite conversation is deemed perfectly fine if said in another language. The one that came to mind is vagina vs yoni. I’ve been around people who look faint at the barest whisper of someone using the word vagina but will happily chat for ages about yonis. Is this a thing that only occurs in English? Now I wish I spoke several languages so I could get a sense of these things. Gonna have to poll my multilingual friends. Totally unrelated.... I’m thinking people seriously downplay the forgetfulness aspect of learning disorders. Trying to remember the steps in order to write this post since my page no longer has a New Post button. I go through this every single time I post here. Sadly it’s not confined to fairly benign things like blog posting, it affects darn near everything. I often stare at my phone trying to remember the magical sequence to turn it off and on. I have a iPhone it’s not tricky. And if I need to cha...

On the verge of waking up a few minutes ago it occurred to me that the reason people, especially parents insist on everyone in their sphere getting dressed daily is so that they don’t have to wash pajamas every other day. Seems obvious now. This is the kind of thing that runs through my head as I wake up. Yesterday the landlords told us, again that we have too many things pulling power for the available power in the house. I can’t recall the exact numbers but it was mentioned that the fridge, stove, septic system, water pump, and furnace use most of it leaving us with very little for things like lights, electric kettles, laptops, and printers. My main thought was the stuff that is using the vast majority is not negotiable and things we can’t control. If the person use wattage is so low then obviously it’s not enough for a reasonable household. The place obviously needs rewriting and upgrading but instead they tell us not to have on lights, to turn off dam near everything and not to...

I am highly intrigued by random medical stuff. When the health channel had shows on anything from childbirth to rare conditions I had a front seat. I often forget in my enthusiasm that not everyone share this trait, mainly not Das. The other day I was marking down how big average female kidneys are, then charting the difference in the two ultrasounds I had done , one in 2006 and one in 2010. Since I made it linear it was easier for me to grasp just how much bigger those suckers had gotten. Who knows what size they are now, I know they’ve grown since my belly isn’t going anywhere and I know how I looked at this weight before. I refuse to give in to dowdiness though, I’m making empire waist, skater dress, swing dresses, and low necklines work for me. Anyway, I came to Das all hyped up to share my representation of my massive kidneys but instead of being greeted with enthusiasm he looked kinda green. What to me was fun was to him a reminder of my condition and it’s possible outcomes. ...

Today is sleepy, mind you I have done two loads of laundry, run a couple of errands, and caught up on several important emails/calls but still I don’t feel it should take this level of toll on me. I wish I could figure out how to upload pictures from my iPad since I have been going crazy with photo apps. I figure there are only so many ways to make my bedroom look interesting. Seems weird that Easter is so close, last year this time I was getting baptisted and married in preparation for confirmation. I am so glad I don’t have to do any of that this year. I’ll just show up, light a candle and take communion like everyone else. Being in the spotlight is not all it’s cracked up to be let me tell you. I’m so tired I can barely write coherent sentences, might be time for a nap.

Life is finally finally looking up. Everything is not yet peachy keen, when is it ever, but things are definitely better. I’ll take it.  We traded in the evil stalling, gas guzzling car for one slightly newer, cuter, and three times better on gas. Even planning a road trip around May to see my aunt and cousins.  It’s cold still but not the kind that makes you think frostbite is unavoidable the minute you step out of the house thankfully. I swear I want to buy summer dresses to influence the weather. If I have a stroppy dress warm weather will come.  I still haven’t been able to come up with anything reassembling a decent ending for my story, uggg. The struggle is real even when talking imaginary people.  I took apart the bed, we had broken the frame ( I know you’re jelly) which caused massive squeaking and thumping every time we moved. Rather distracting at critical moments I must say. So now the bed sits upon a metal bottom and the legs are cushioned ...

What is with people saying they will do something for you then just ghosting? I understand that sometimes no matter how good the intention things can’t get done as anticipated but why not say something. When I don’t hear from someone that I’m expecting to my first reaction isn’t even anger, it’s usually confusion followed by concern, then I try reaching out and if I can’t well then I start vacillating between worry that they aren’t ok and annoyance that they may be ignoring me instead of just saying they couldn’t do it. This is why I hate to depend on others which sucks since the current state of affairs has me dependant on the goodwill of others. Bu this too shall pass.

We have a new car, again. This time I’m pretty happy with how it went down. We managed a straight swap for our gas guzzling monster for an older jag that gets at least three times the mileage even in town. Add the fact that it’s not ridiculously long which means I can drive it and happiness all around. Once again under the dryer but no curls this time, just trying to not have sopping wet hair all day. Just  to be productive I have done most of the sock matching while I’m under here. Make hay while the sun shines and all that. Our roommate moved out and I must say, the fact that we haven’t gone through a roll of toilet paper in two days or run out of bread within a day certainly has me smiling. I didn’t dislike him but we were not a good match mostly because I expected more maturity from a man his age.  I’ve cleaned the room and boxed up what he left so that we can get someone else in here. This time I’ve gotten a good bit of interest but as far as I know the first person c...

So last week I made Mac n cheese using powdered cheddar and heavy cream I reconstituted overnight. It was quite yummy. Today’s adventure is pancake muffins, feeling the desire for sweets but none in the house and being fairly broke I consulted my personal go to guide, the internet, and found simple pancake mix muffin recipes. I added dried cranberries to give them that hint of tart and sugar to add extra sweetness, as well as cinnamon because everything is better with cinnamon. I’m counting down my 15 minutes to see if I’ve made something edible or if I just made a mess only the dogs are likely to eat. We shall see. In other news I turned 44 and I can see that I look older but it’s nice. We had a lawyers appt yesterday  and shocked her with our ages, apparently Das was in his thirties not nearly 50 and I was in my twenties. I’ll take it. Still haven’t settled down financially but we are still in our happy little farm house so that’s something. Life moves on, sometimes slowly ...

So a broker lady came to the house the other day to explain tax credits and pension plans since we are trying to be grown ups. She works for a reputable company and had interesting things to tell us about but the weird thing was at the end of the visit. She offered me a job once I get residency. Now that is just the weirdest thing to me since I actually explained my job history and I’m not sure how, I have panic attacks, work inconsistently and have had way too many jobs in a short period of time equals you’d make a perfect coworker. And 5he offer wasn’t simply to come work for the company but with her specifically. Since it takes around a year to get residency I have no idea how things will stand by the time it’s done but it’s nice to be wanted. Hmm in fact you can apply for a work visa while you wait for the application to process so in theory I could potentially take a job with her. I actually had not thought about working here in a serious way since I haven’t been able to since w...

It has to be Friday, Friday afternoon to be exact because I’m already whipped from this week. Yesterday we had a hearing about our rental property and happily it was resolved amicably but it could have gone pretty badly. The upside, yay for house, the downside, a four hour wait for a ten minute session. Gotta love bureaucracy. I have been a personal witness to passing the buck a lot this past few weeks.  The latest is my emailing  the ministry of community and social services about some (to me) questionable OW services and having them forward it so that the director of OW wrote the reply. Of course it explained why they were right and answered nothing about the ambiguous wording or why te lack of consistency and transparency in their evaluation practices. Makes perfect sense right, let the agency I’m complaining about explain away my complaints, again.  Drives me crazy. I may not pursue it today but one day the list of names, dates, and actions I’m keeping are going to ...

I’m almost 44 and there is some stuff that people have forgotten to mention about that. Stuff about how you wake up one day to discover your body has decided to mutiny.  One no one said anything about the suddenness of your periods going wonky. I was just strolling along with my trust period app gi vine me a clue for if not the exact day the general week I’d start  accurately for a few years now and boom out of nowhere I go from having a decent concept to being two weeks late. The only time I was ever this late is when I was pregnant but given circumstances that doesn’t seem like the most likely culprit this time. A couple folks mentioned stress but let’s be real here, I’m bipolar, riddled with anxiety, in near constant pain, and currently living in a country I’m still getting used to. Stressed is my state of being. It never bothered my body before but maybe being almost 44 is a game changer. The other weirdo body issue is driving me crazy. I have less hair. Now my hair ...

I'm not usually one to dis the US, I am rather critical of many of its policies (rightfully so I think) but all in all I am happy enough to be a citizen. Now I have been visiting CA for about 3 yrs now and today I was once again impressed with a few key differences in the manner i which some things are handled. Das, as I'm sure I've noted before, is bipolar and recently things have been a bit unstable. Today it came up with a friend the frustration we've faced she suggested I contact the local MP. Now I have heard of people contacting government officials but my experience has led me to believe that it is generally a wasted effort. I did it anyway. The experience I've had has been startling. I called the first place which was incidentally the wrong place, they gave me the info to what they thought was the right place. Due to some recent redistricting the second place wasn't right either but not only did the person answering the phone give me the right people...

Often when it comes up that I’ve been married theee times, I get a look. I’ve been in the company of people who know about my marital history and they just happen to decide a conversation about my generation’s inability to commit, soon after my arrival. Three marriages seems a bit more than strictly necessary, admittedly even I sometimes find it excessive but then I think about why I’ve been married three times. In my first marriage I was ok, not skipping off walls happy but not desperately unhappy. I think I was like people are on average. We had our issues and there were a few attempts at reconciliation instigated by him. By the time I said I’m done I was over it. That was the hardest because we had kids and I hadn’t had a job, not to mention we both had examples of long if not happy marriages in our immediate families. It was as if we were thumbing our noses at their commitment. What makes us so special that a little unhappiness warrants such drastic actions. Around that time I ha...

I've heard people get upset by what someone else thought was a compliment based on their own context not that of the speaker. This was on my mind when I was listening to some music and the featured guy came on and said something to the effect of I'm not calling a woman out here name, bad bitch is the only thing I call you, not a perfect quote but you get the idea. I have plenty of friends, and myself to be honest, who would not be at all thrilled for some stranger to call me a bad bitch. However I had to step back and think about why I would be upset, am I assuming I'm being mocked, am I assuming a bad attempt at hitting on me, do I think I'm too good to be called a bad bitch? In my case I think when I hear someone talking about a woman as a bad bitch they mean someone who kicks ass and takes names all the while maintaining perfect makeup, nails, and hair. A take charge kinda woman, basically I assume they are talking about a woman unlike myself so if they are redirec...