Bodies

Yesterday I had a Beyonce video marathon. The music was enjoyable but what captured my attention was watching her dance.

I take part in various classes on getting and keeping touch with your femininty and I even just finished a short class about pleasure. Connecting to your body is a big thing. So while I was watching the videos I was riveted by how in video after video Beyonce touched herself. In some she was sex on a stick while in others her touching was so worshipful it should have been accompanied by a choir. It trips me out that we don't see more of that. Hell that we don't do it.

I could see that her entire body was a source of pleasure and not just someone else's pleasure either. I had the overwhelming feeling that her own pleasure was what she was after. Sexual sensual sublime pleasure.

When I dance alone in the house I am highly likely to caress myself and move without shyness. Now add an audience and it is stifled.I start worrying about what I look like to them instead of riding the music.

I love touching me and not just my boobs and butt, also my legs, arms, stomach, hips, and head. Every part of me that I can reach get touched and when I'm dancing without any eyes on me I do all the grinding and twirling and bouncing I want without fear of judgement. In other words I dance like a child.

Not childish in my movements but childlike in my enjoyment. My don't give a damn because this dippin and popping is for me. I've seen a video of me dancing at twelve, I was stiff and sadly lacking rythm. Also seriously self conscience. Even a yr earlier I have memories of dancing in my bedroom facing the mirror with abandon. Totally delighting in movement and not thinking anything about how I look other than assuming I looked great. When did that confidence go? How did I get it back?

At what point do we stop dancing, relegating ourselves  to dainty discreet footapping. When do we dance alone in the mirror and only see our awkwardness and what we have come to consider flaws.

For me when in my twenties I began taking dance classes I could not take my eyes off myself. My body was a wonder. Bending,gliding, and undulating I felt beautiful. But every once in a while I would be faithfully admiring my self when suddenly that graceful body in the mirror changed. There was a bit of a belly and skinny legs and lord have mercy where did all that ass come from? I hadn't changed from week to week but I had allowed fears to take overy how I saw myself. I love the phrase dance like nobody is watching because when nobody is watching I am always sexy and beautiful. A veritable goddess. But I don't want to only dance when nobody is watching. I want to have an audience so they too can appreciate how seductive, silly and sensual I am. Not because i need he validation but to encourage others to move in ways that free them while simultaneously anchoring their awareness of their bodies.