Adventures in Emmieland

 we went to the park this afternoon it was nice to get out and enjoy perfect weather a bit. Sitting out back I'm fodder for every mosquito within a 5 mile radius it seems but luckily at the park they decided to nom on someone else. Walking the trail a bit and swinging and watching other people take an exercise class made me happy even if I didn't get to play on the slides this time. I avoid the monkey bars due to having no upper body strength to speak of and very soft hands. I still remember the calluses from the hanging portion of the presidential fitness test, ouch. I know better than to be lulled into a false sense of complacency, he's not taking me for walks just to see me smile. He's trying to put some muscle back on me so we can get back to kicking the soccer ball around. I'm not fooled for a moment but I'm going to enjoy it as long as I can.

I wonder why people say I give 110% or some other random over 100% number? It's like 100% isn't good enough but why not. Why is the idea of giving your personal best to whatever it is considered not enough so that to express excellence we essentially say "I give more than I actually have" ?

There was a thread over in an M/s group on fet about the deliciousness of being forced to do things you don't want to do on your master's whim. I have to think about that one since at first thought I'm in the "nope not delicious" camp. It's not quite so cut and dry though because what I find all warm and fuzzy is the happiness he emates when I do something he likes, verbal appreciation for my efforts in undesirable (for me) task goes a long way, throw in a few cuddles and I'm a puddle of melty gooey deliciousness. The fact that I am a creature of comfort with a high threshold for laziness means that while I do love making him happy I'm not always thrilled to go out of my way to do it. Brewing coffee before I've properly woken up isn't my idea of a good time and honestly there have been a time or two when the answer to "don't you want to ..." is yes! after a nap. A nap that I rarely get. Sometimes I feel awesome about it at the t...

Das and I have been talking a lot about our childhoods this past week and one thing that is quite clear is that we were very different types of children. He was a doing my own thing whether anyone else wanted to or not type who somehow always found himself with followers. On the other hand I was a hanging on the sidelines trying to make myself invisible type who preferred to spend recess indoors reading or helping teachers set up for the next class than playing with the other children. One thing we had in common was that we were adored and indulged by our grandfathers, men who struck fear in everyone else around them. What highlights our differences though is why we were so doted on. Das was just like his grandfather going toe to toe with him from the time he was 4. I was my grandfather's sweetie needing that extra bit of sheltering and care. My mother has always said I came out of the womb flirting. I realized today that a lot of what she considered flirting was simply my natu...

So yesterday I started reading "Domination & Submission  The BDSM Handbook" by Michael Makai, when I started it I had no hopes of liking it honestly since frankly I haven't liked any bdsm books especially ones that cover D/s or M/s relationships that I've read. They simply haven't been a good fit for me. I will say that I haven't read many since after reading about 3 I became disenchanted and stopped. This one I like, a lot. The author has a sense of humor which I appreciate and he takes a good bit of time separating relationships from activities and explaining mindsets/hardwiring from things you do. He also goes through an incredible amount of information and hits a wide variety of topics. It is a very big book but b/c it's an easy read and I read fast I'm past 2/3 done with it on pg 404. I like that he obviously has his preferences but does a pretty good job of presenting information evenhandedly. Even when I didn't agree with something it w...

I have been covered in pets since we moved. The cat thinks I'ma pillow and the best game ever is for the two dogs to fight over who I'm going to give a head rub to. Head rubs a big business it seems. The ferret is the only creature minding his own business and keeping to himself but I suspect that's only because he lives in a cage. The smaller dog reminds me of the house elf from Harry Potter in looks and is dwarfed by my very solid no nonsense dog and yet insists on trying to sneak attack her every so often. At least once a day I witness the little one jump up with all her might and try to grab some flesh between her teeth. It rarely ends well for her but I have to give her props for tenacity. Watching their antics has been giving me hours of giggles and sometimes wonderment as I look at the tiny doglet take the cat's entire head in her mouth while the cat just lays there with the patience of a saint. Until said dog nibbles that bit too hard then the cat tears into...

So last night I got a text from my dad with a former co-worker's phone number. he said she wanted me to have it. I'm perplexed since we worked together back in 93/94 and even then we weren't remotely close so why 20 yrs later would she be sending me her phone number? I can't see that call being anything but awkward. I am glad that he strictly adheres to the rule of not giving out other people's numbers without their permission. So glad that my number was given to her or anyone else for that matter. I am a bit curious to see why she wants to talk to me and I feel the pull of being polite as well. I don't want to make it seem that my dad never delivered the number and make him look bad even though overall I have no real desire to speak to her. I don't dislike her, never did. I simply don't think about her at all. There are only 4 people from my hometown that I maintain any contact with whatsoever and three of those people it's very limited and topica...

So much stuff in my head never makes it into my blog and I'm not even sure why half the time. It's not even stuff I deem inappropriate for the public just stuff I somehow never get around to writing about and then when I start thinking about it again what I was going to write is gone and my clear thoughts are all muddy. This weekend we'd been talking about being silenced and something that has really bothered me came up. I've run into people who when faced with someone who has a remembrance of something painful come out with things like "it's in the past let it go" which sounds ok-ish until you realize that the person speaking isn't holding onto resentment or anger or anything but simply speaking about an event that caused them pain. It irks me b/c I've yet to hear someone talking about a memory or event that caused them to laugh have someone else say "it's in the past, let it go" so why the double standard? I'm not an advocate ...

I've been tired, the least bit of activity has me needing a nap and feeling worn down. I seriously need more pep. Otherwise I'm good. I feel pretty good and my mood is up, not a bad combination. I even took more time this week to move more stuff out of the living room so that we have more space to live in, lol. The last few days have been crazily busy with lots of running around for errands, seeing friends and just life randomness. So glad we have nothing planned this weekend at least I don't think we have anything planned this weekend if we do I have completely blocked it out. I might be able to get my tattoo by next weekend which would delight me. I'm trying to practice patience but it takes so long, lol. All in all it's a lovely morning with birds making an insane amount of chatter, Das and I doing some planning for the future and a heavy-ish cat insisting on laying across me. Maybe I can get a bit more sleep in seeing as how the sun hasn't even come up y...

Yestday Das gave me permission to get a tattoo. I have been wanting one for a while and he has been thinking about it. He agreed that I can get a fairy on my lower back. While we were cuddling in bed before being overtaken by sleep we chatted a bit about the kind of design I was going for. I told him I want a cute fairy that also incorporated a griffin.  He has always identified with the griffin and I with fairies so it makes sense to me to have both. Sadly I can't draw at all so some research is in order to find pictures that will give me an idea to take to a tattoo artist so that magic can happen. We met someone yesterday who had an amazing lined and shaded tattoo who gave us his guy's card. I think the style he has is exactly what I am looking for as I don't want color, it feels too busy and distracting. I can't yet envision exactly what I want but at least I have ideas of what I don't want, lol.  Researching this and getting it just so is going to be fun. I do s...

We went to a friend's b-day party this afternoon and being that the birthday girl was the only person we knew we engaged strangers in various conversations. One of those happened to be about hair, locs in particular. A young woman told me that in her teen years she helped someone with soft curly hair install his locs and he did it with heavy wax of some sort, which required the use of a blow dryer to melt it in, ashes to dry out the hair, and several other things I can't recall at the moment because this was hours ago and I think I was so horrified and yet intrigued about the ashes that I couldn't properly focus on the rest. I do recall her saying it took about 6 hours and the initial installation was some kind of kit her friend her gotten on the internet. I have read a lot about starting and maintaining locs over the years but ashes was a new one for me. I guess you really do learn something new every day.

I saw a note on fet that I found quite well written by a dom explaining why he has a rule about vetting his baby's fet friend requests. There of course was the usual push back about such a rule some more respectfully worded than others but one thing that particularly drives me bonkers is the "it's fine for you you're a nice guy but abusers could do it" argument. Why does it seem to me that no matter what the topic is someone is going to find fault in the way a couple expresses their power dynamic because some nebulous abuser might use the same methods on a poor unsuspecting sub who won't have any idea of how to know if it is or is not a bad situation and therefore the reasoning goes no one should use those methods. I find this patently ridiculous. I am not an abuse denier I'm just not one to live or dictate that other should live in fear of the possibility of abuse. Especially by people not even in their relationship. Just because Master J might use ha...

Just woke up from the throes of a dream about playing 20 cent games of pool with my dad at a pool hall that needed my real name for it's records that somehow morphed into a home decorating type show with 3 people designing a room on a small budget who were fighting about how the others cut corners. One thing that stuck out was a sitting room with dining area meant to receive some guy's mother in law and in setting the table he had a beautiful dark rosewood table, fancy dinnerware and candles, sliced strawberries and cold cereal. I remember thinking really dude you couldn't even get her a bowl of greek yogurt, lol. Obviously nothing wrong with my imagination. The cat in the house has decided that I am the best sitting surface ever. As soon as I sit on the couch she crawls onto my lap. It's pretty cute and I'm rather grateful that she has stopped trying to eat my hair. At various points in the day I have all the animals snuggled on and against me, I'm a magnet f...

I've been slowly creating a comfy habitat for us between naps now that we are all moved. Das is tired, I'm tired and so things are moving slowly, steadily but slowly. In the midst of the moving frenzy I looked over at him and smiled which immediately made him a wee bit suspicious, lol. I was thinking that no matter how difficult or tumultuous things are I am grateful to have him by my side. It seems that we always find a way to deal with life's oddities and still have fun and find time for kisses. There are times when I watch him working to exhaustion trying to make sure something gets done or cooking for me or hovering over me without trying to look like he's hovering and it makes me feel all mushy to be so well cared for. He's freaking awesome.

We're moved! Well as much can be moved has been moved and keys have been handed in. We did have a couple of heavy and awkward couches that take several dudes with substantial muscles to move and since we were lacking all but one dude we just left them after coming up blank trying to brainstorm a way for the two of us to move them alone. My fear of the resident pup becoming a snack for my territorial dog has proven to be unfounded thankfully. My dog quickly established her dominance and once that was settled she's been happy enough to play nice. She's getting better about car rides too, although she doesn't like them at least she has stopped getting car sick. There is so much unpacking and arranging to be done none of which is getting done by me today. I still haven't been to bed even though I'm bone weary tired. I'm in the state of so tired I can't sleep. Das said he was rather shocked to see me still going last night well into the morning since we d...

Since being back the thing I've done most is sleep. I've been in a weird mood, crying, having nightmares and so very tired. I don't think traveling is setting well with me. Last night we discussed it and came to the conclusion that the downside of me now being open and therefore more vulnerable is when I'm out of Das' protective bubble life is hard. Which is not to say I had a bad time  it's just that it was all so overwhelming. Everything was so much as if all the colors were set to neon when the world is usually in pleasant pastels. I think I'm starting to get my footing back but this week has been rough. Of course this also means I've gotten very little done in terms of packing and we need to move today and tomorrow, guess I'll be stepping things up into high gear once the sun comes up. Even though I've been feeling all the feels in stereo I wouldn't change anything about my life. It's good and where I want to be. Coffee beeped! I gu...