Muddy Thoughts
So much stuff in my head never makes it into my blog and I'm not even sure why half the time. It's not even stuff I deem inappropriate for the public just stuff I somehow never get around to writing about and then when I start thinking about it again what I was going to write is gone and my clear thoughts are all muddy.
This weekend we'd been talking about being silenced and something that has really bothered me came up. I've run into people who when faced with someone who has a remembrance of something painful come out with things like "it's in the past let it go" which sounds ok-ish until you realize that the person speaking isn't holding onto resentment or anger or anything but simply speaking about an event that caused them pain. It irks me b/c I've yet to hear someone talking about a memory or event that caused them to laugh have someone else say "it's in the past, let it go" so why the double standard? I'm not an advocate of hanging on to negative feelings as in allowing only the negative to shape you well past the event that caused them. I am also not a fan of shutting someone down for expressing what is true for them good or bad. How can you say you want to know someone when really you only want to know the good happy fun stuff? Anything that makes you uncomfortable or in your estimation serves no purpose should be set aside. I think while that might be fine for an individual as their decision I can't countenance demanding it of anyone else. If my friend honors me with sharing a painful incident then I cherish that as much as I cherish them sharing the times of glowing joy with me.
I guess I just don't understand what is to be gained by allowing someone to tell only a part of their story. How will you come to an understanding of who that person truly is, what shaped them and how they came to be? Why do people have so much trouble with things that aren't "nice" anyway? It's not as if pretty much everyone doesn't have something in their life at some point that angered or saddened or frightened them. Those are not things to ashamed of or deny or triumph in never feeling, those are things that connect us as people.
This weekend we'd been talking about being silenced and something that has really bothered me came up. I've run into people who when faced with someone who has a remembrance of something painful come out with things like "it's in the past let it go" which sounds ok-ish until you realize that the person speaking isn't holding onto resentment or anger or anything but simply speaking about an event that caused them pain. It irks me b/c I've yet to hear someone talking about a memory or event that caused them to laugh have someone else say "it's in the past, let it go" so why the double standard? I'm not an advocate of hanging on to negative feelings as in allowing only the negative to shape you well past the event that caused them. I am also not a fan of shutting someone down for expressing what is true for them good or bad. How can you say you want to know someone when really you only want to know the good happy fun stuff? Anything that makes you uncomfortable or in your estimation serves no purpose should be set aside. I think while that might be fine for an individual as their decision I can't countenance demanding it of anyone else. If my friend honors me with sharing a painful incident then I cherish that as much as I cherish them sharing the times of glowing joy with me.
I guess I just don't understand what is to be gained by allowing someone to tell only a part of their story. How will you come to an understanding of who that person truly is, what shaped them and how they came to be? Why do people have so much trouble with things that aren't "nice" anyway? It's not as if pretty much everyone doesn't have something in their life at some point that angered or saddened or frightened them. Those are not things to ashamed of or deny or triumph in never feeling, those are things that connect us as people.
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