Just Thinking...
Das and I have been talking a lot about our childhoods this past week and one thing that is quite clear is that we were very different types of children. He was a doing my own thing whether anyone else wanted to or not type who somehow always found himself with followers. On the other hand I was a hanging on the sidelines trying to make myself invisible type who preferred to spend recess indoors reading or helping teachers set up for the next class than playing with the other children.
One thing we had in common was that we were adored and indulged by our grandfathers, men who struck fear in everyone else around them. What highlights our differences though is why we were so doted on. Das was just like his grandfather going toe to toe with him from the time he was 4. I was my grandfather's sweetie needing that extra bit of sheltering and care.
My mother has always said I came out of the womb flirting. I realized today that a lot of what she considered flirting was simply my natural way of being and relating to people. I like being taken care of and I interact in ways that encourage caretaking behavior. It's not a thought out thing just my wiring. I also love to please people. I don't give a fig about service but pleasing pleasing is my thing, if service will make you happy then I will happily serve you b/c I want to make you happy. I have always been that way. As a kid I was extremely sensitive to the unspoken desires of the adults around me, I knew what they wanted me to be, say, and do and I did everything in my power to deliver which was sometimes impossible as expectations were often completely opposed to each other from one person to the next.
Das says he had similar experiences throughout his childhood. He was kicked out of boy scouts after 3 days because a scout leader wouldn't back down from an arguement with him and he certainly wasn't going to back down. When he was in other activities like soccer either his father was in charge (one of the few people whose direction he'd actually follow) or he just took over otherwise group activities weren't really his thing. He said he doesn't boss people about because he thinks of himself as superior he simply likes having things his way. And his way of relating to people is to lead.
Funny how although we've come a long way since we were kids our basic wiring is the same. He is still the boss and I'm still someone who likes to please those I love above all else. Thankfully I've found balance and so has he. With us having each other to express our excesses upon we function in the world day to day pretty easily although I am still inclined to try and be pleasing for people more than is good for me and he's inclined to just take over just about any activity he's involved in if he's not careful.
One thing we had in common was that we were adored and indulged by our grandfathers, men who struck fear in everyone else around them. What highlights our differences though is why we were so doted on. Das was just like his grandfather going toe to toe with him from the time he was 4. I was my grandfather's sweetie needing that extra bit of sheltering and care.
My mother has always said I came out of the womb flirting. I realized today that a lot of what she considered flirting was simply my natural way of being and relating to people. I like being taken care of and I interact in ways that encourage caretaking behavior. It's not a thought out thing just my wiring. I also love to please people. I don't give a fig about service but pleasing pleasing is my thing, if service will make you happy then I will happily serve you b/c I want to make you happy. I have always been that way. As a kid I was extremely sensitive to the unspoken desires of the adults around me, I knew what they wanted me to be, say, and do and I did everything in my power to deliver which was sometimes impossible as expectations were often completely opposed to each other from one person to the next.
Das says he had similar experiences throughout his childhood. He was kicked out of boy scouts after 3 days because a scout leader wouldn't back down from an arguement with him and he certainly wasn't going to back down. When he was in other activities like soccer either his father was in charge (one of the few people whose direction he'd actually follow) or he just took over otherwise group activities weren't really his thing. He said he doesn't boss people about because he thinks of himself as superior he simply likes having things his way. And his way of relating to people is to lead.
Funny how although we've come a long way since we were kids our basic wiring is the same. He is still the boss and I'm still someone who likes to please those I love above all else. Thankfully I've found balance and so has he. With us having each other to express our excesses upon we function in the world day to day pretty easily although I am still inclined to try and be pleasing for people more than is good for me and he's inclined to just take over just about any activity he's involved in if he's not careful.
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