We Can't... Someone Might....
I saw a note on fet that I found quite well written by a dom explaining why he has a rule about vetting his baby's fet friend requests. There of course was the usual push back about such a rule some more respectfully worded than others but one thing that particularly drives me bonkers is the "it's fine for you you're a nice guy but abusers could do it" argument.
Why does it seem to me that no matter what the topic is someone is going to find fault in the way a couple expresses their power dynamic because some nebulous abuser might use the same methods on a poor unsuspecting sub who won't have any idea of how to know if it is or is not a bad situation and therefore the reasoning goes no one should use those methods. I find this patently ridiculous.
I am not an abuse denier I'm just not one to live or dictate that other should live in fear of the possibility of abuse. Especially by people not even in their relationship. Just because Master J might use handcuffs inappropriately in play doesn't mean no one should ever be allowed to use handcuffs when they play. Faced with that type of example most people would say I was being silly and yet they would turn around and inflict the same restraining logic on the use of isolation, permission asking, dependence building and various other often used psychological tools found in power dynamics.
The lack of ability to respect other's dynamics coupled with the refusal to actually hold people responsible for their own actions creates a space where policing seems to be being done on everyone but the ones actually crossing lines without permission. The backwardness of it boggles my mind. This is probably why I've been spending so little time on fet recently. Sheesh.
Why does it seem to me that no matter what the topic is someone is going to find fault in the way a couple expresses their power dynamic because some nebulous abuser might use the same methods on a poor unsuspecting sub who won't have any idea of how to know if it is or is not a bad situation and therefore the reasoning goes no one should use those methods. I find this patently ridiculous.
I am not an abuse denier I'm just not one to live or dictate that other should live in fear of the possibility of abuse. Especially by people not even in their relationship. Just because Master J might use handcuffs inappropriately in play doesn't mean no one should ever be allowed to use handcuffs when they play. Faced with that type of example most people would say I was being silly and yet they would turn around and inflict the same restraining logic on the use of isolation, permission asking, dependence building and various other often used psychological tools found in power dynamics.
The lack of ability to respect other's dynamics coupled with the refusal to actually hold people responsible for their own actions creates a space where policing seems to be being done on everyone but the ones actually crossing lines without permission. The backwardness of it boggles my mind. This is probably why I've been spending so little time on fet recently. Sheesh.
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