Musings on Respect and Expectations

In a conversation with a friend recently she presented the idea that women who expect men to stop when they say stop in a sexually charged situation are not very intelligent. When I pointed out that I myself have been in a couple situations like that and the man's response was to stop and we bemoaned the sucky timing/circumstances then laughed got dressed and continued on enjoying our time together in ways that didn't include sex. That seemed perfectly reasonable to me but she told me I was lucky. What I don't get is if I was lucky why aren't women in similar situations but with men who make the choice to not stop at her request simply unlucky instead of being idiots who should according to her bear responsibility in their assaults?

I find it disturbing that people actually believe that to expect decency from people is idiotic. I also find it sad how many people buy into the idea that men are lust crazed out of control of themselves and can't be expected to be held accountable for their choices when sex is involved. Very few people I've talked to who express those kinds of thoughts seem to get that they are being horribly judgemental and insulting to the men involved. Last I looked calling someone an animalistic cretin with no will, intelligence, desire or ability to be a respectful person was not a compliment.

I expect people to be decent and behave as such, not just men and not just women all people. I don't think that expectation makes me unrealistic b/c honestly most people are decent. And I certainly expect the person I'm being sexual with respects me, if they show through their behavior that they don't the problem isn't my expectation but their assholery.