Adventures in Emmieland

I love prompts they get me thinking in ways I might not have been before. So I'm a slave prompt it asked if you have an insecurities and if so do they impact your relationship. Yes and yes. I'm a mass of weird but I think it's safe to say my biggest insecurity is abandonment. Not even the out and out someone left but the no longer being high on someone list of importance and see them all giddy and accommodating over someone new. This is why I can't be poly. I've got none of that compression going on. I want my partner to be happy I simply want that happiness to be with me to the exclusion of others.  I realize that by choosing to be a slave I've put myself in the position for the possibility of that boundary being pushed. In fact since Das was partnered when we got together it was a given that at least some of the time she would come before me. I recall an incident where I was pouring about not getting the level of attention I wanted because they were having a m...

Today was a bit of a revelation for both Das and I. Our houseguest P has come back on Sat and it's been ok but last night she went to visit a friend and ended up calling us drunk without saying where she was. We looked at all the reasonably close stations but no luck and after eleven (we were at the first place at nine) we went home hoping she was ok. Around three she called and apologized and later in the day she talked to Das.  I asked the status because in my opinion that was enough for her to not be here but he saw it differently. In the course of talking about it one thing that came up is how I tend to be unmoved by people who apologize profusely because I grew up with someone who did that as a tool of manipulation. If I was still upset then I became the one in the wrong. An attitude reinforced by the church we attended.  It was also pointed out that contrary to his calm acceptance that she made a mistake when I did exactly what he told me to do but in an unantic...

I made loc jewelry 

When feelings get hurt and misunderstanding happen who decides that one party is being unreasonable? Here it's Das but I'm not sure I am always on board with his assessments. I often feel I don't get the benefit of the doubt when my behavior is in question/it's my feelings that are hurt. Now he doesn't hold grudges like I do but still sometimes I'd find an actual acknowledgement more satisfying, than an "oh i misunderstood"  I guess I see a world of difference in i misunderstood and i misunderstood and am sorry i hurt you. Maybe it's a subtle difference but the sorry you were hurt part is not automatically understood to me. In fact without it being said it comes across to me as "I misunderstood so why are you acting all but hurt?" I am a sensitive person so maybe my reactions are a bit more extreme than others but I still think they are valid. Sigh I guess it's the best I'm getting.

Coming across quotes about style vs fashion make me wonder who is the person or committees that decide something is classic and timeless therefore stylish.  My aesthetic is different from others but why am I deemed a wearer of fashion?  Even reading fashion blogs they tend to drill the idea that only specific things can be worn forever and only certain looks are stylish. It seems so arbitrary to me though.

I've been having way too much fun with youtube and IMovie. Today I learned how to put a soundtrack to a movie. Still need to figure out how to trim the music to lip sync but working on it. So far though I have a sorta lip sync without soundtrack and a daily outfit movie with a soundtrack. My son and I are talking about doing a lip sync battle so I have to bone up on my skills. This isn't a bad hobby to take up as it gets colder which it has starting today. I can be in my nice warm room laughing and combating the winter blues with music and dancing. Not a bad workout either since I usually do several takes of the entire song. Way more moving than my phone pedometer is giving me credit for that's for sure.

Today has been both busy and dull. During the down time I took a few pics, still trying to get a variety of poses for my outfit pics. The same face on selfies get boring. 

Now I will be the first to say I can't sing but being campy is so much fun!                                                                                   

Last night I came across a discussion of the gift of submission on tumblr and nearly skipped over it. I am glad I didn't though because for once it actually included talking about dominance being a gift if submission is a gift. Now I don't adhere to the philosophy of submission being a gift but I appreciate that if it is then it stands to reason that so is dominance. I've never understood the whole "the submissive is really in control and has all the power and it's a gift to be treasured. If submission is all that what the hell do we even need dominants for? In truth both parties have the power, calling a safeword or walking away isn't the sole purview of submissives. I think more needs to be talked about with dominants and acknowledging that they are equal and needed in order to fulfill the dynamic. Submission is great but lacking dominance it's not fulfilled. Same with dominance. We need to get away from one sided discussions on D/s and I think that wha...

It's been a rough few days, I've felt like crap. Periods have not gotten easier with age so I'm giving a serious side eye to my health teachers who insisted that would happen. At this point I'm looking forward to menopause. I think 30 yrs is more than enough time spent suffering but statistically I have a good 10 yrs to go. sigh. Aside from whining about my biology I've had a full day of naps and food. Das makes the yummiest fast food ever. We had peameal bacon with grilled tomatoes and eggs for brunch and baked fish with salad for dinner.  I must say I certainly eat well. I should probably drink some echinacea tea just to be on the safe side. We chatted a bit about taking risks today. How risk taking in relationships is essential and how every time we open up to each other we are taking the risk of rejection but it's necessary to do so in order to keep having a relationship that has substance.

What makes someone stay in a situation that doesn't serve them at all? Right now I'm dealing with someone who lives (sorta) with someone who is an addict whose functionality is rapidly declining. Being with this person has led to homelessness, arrests, physical lack of safty due to the company kept, and a decline in person's own function and heightened addiction.  Nothing about the situation is helpful. There is a child who is only seen under supervision, there are family tensions as well as a loss of friends. Now this person has not lacked for people trying to help, there have been rehab stays, as well as multiple offers of shelter and help with getting affairs in order over years. But none of these have been taken up in a way that sustained recovery has been achieved. In fact right now there has been multiple references to going back into the toxic environment. What makes people choose that kind of instability over the promise of something better for themselves?  I know i...

As much as I'd like to think that I handle uncomfortable situations with grace, I'd be wrong. Right not gracious doesn't come remotely close to what I'm feeling. Not speaking is probably the best thing I can do. He went out for bread, it only took 2.5 hrs with no calls no text no IM to let me know that he was ok. The first hour I wasn't overly concerned because the growcery store might be understaffed and our houseguest is on crutches making things slower. Bt the second hour I was frantic and worrying about every single thing that could have happened. I even checked his location on the phone finding app and saw he wasn't far from home, which previously worried me more. I was worried that there had been an accident and damn it we lapsed our road side assistance coverage. Even though he wasn't terribly far it was too far to walk especially through these woods after dark. There is wildlife out there. So I sat on the porch holding my breath every time I saw ...

So we went grocery shopping this evening with P (house guest) and as we meandered down the aisles she kept up a litany of how expensive the store is and how at another store she could have filled her basket to overflowing with the same amount of money. Now I will say that many things aren't cheap but there are a lot of good deals and frankly we tend to buy higher end food. If there is one place we are going to spend money it is on food. It got me thinking about what I expect when grocery shopping versus what she expects. I expect to buy lots of fish some steaks veggies juice milk cheese and snacks. Her expectations on a grocery run lean more toward tuna and salad makings and canned peas.  Aside from the fact that we have different palettes it became obvious during the course of the trip that I simply had a higher expectation of getting nutritional fresh foods without thinking too hard about the price. Talk about realizing your privelge, even when we are in tight situati...

Today we acquired a houseguest. I don't know how long she is staying or how this is going to play out. She is an old friend of Das who has had a rough go of it for the past 15 yrs or so. I already feel the stirrings of jealousy. He isn't interested in her nor her him but I am used to having him to myself. I cleaned the house and made dinner then came upstairs to rest and I can hear them chatting and him offering to get her water.  My inner bitch is all let her get her own damn water you should be coming to check on me!!  Mind you she has a broken leg so hobbling about getting water and trying to balance it while maneuvering her crutches is a serious pita but I never claimed to be a rational person. Ugg I'm going to have to get this under control or it will be a tough visit for me and everyone around me.

We sat around discussing the merits of romance novels this evening. Not that Das has ready any of the ones I've read but he listens to my descriptions and we talk about which stories are realist and set with shifters or vampires, it's hard to find well written vampire fiction, sigh. One thing we agreed on is the difficulty of writing a sex scene. I know I can't do it for shit. If I try to be euphemistic then I end up laughing at myself at how corny it sounds and if I try for blunt I still end up laughing at myself b/c it just doesn't flow. I do have a friend who wrote a book of erotic short stories and her sex scenes were amazing. It just tickles me in a good way that Das will talk to me about anything without acting like he's dumbing himself down or being tortured because I want to analyze novels instead of interpreting Hegel. I know I'm lucky but I like to make sure I don't take him for granted since not too many guys give a shit if the "all shift...

I find it interesting that in discussions about people living at home until they marry there always seems to be a negative connotation. Specifically that it's patriarchal and infantalizing  in nature and always about treating women as possessions. I don't think that is always the case. Realalisticly living with ones parents in early adulthood can be beneficial. Most parents don't charge their kids market rent which enables them to save more sooner. There is also the angle of having a multigenerational household which creates an easily accessible support network for everyone. That can be invaluable for parents of young children especially single ones. Also it provides an oppertunity to learn how a household functions from an adult perspective instead as oppose to beginning romantic relationships at the same time. I guess I just don't always think an adult living with their parents signals something wrong in either their personality or beliefs.