Prompts

I love prompts they get me thinking in ways I might not have been before.

So I'm a slave prompt it asked if you have an insecurities and if so do they impact your relationship. Yes and yes.

I'm a mass of weird but I think it's safe to say my biggest insecurity is abandonment. Not even the out and out someone left but the no longer being high on someone list of importance and see them all giddy and accommodating over someone new. This is why I can't be poly. I've got none of that compression going on. I want my partner to be happy I simply want that happiness to be with me to the exclusion of others. 

I realize that by choosing to be a slave I've put myself in the position for the possibility of that boundary being pushed. In fact since Das was partnered when we got together it was a given that at least some of the time she would come before me. I recall an incident where I was pouring about not getting the level of attention I wanted because they were having a mid day tryst. He told me "I can have sex with my wife any time I want to" and it truly was a slap in the face. She wasn't just his other slave she was his wife, obviously the owner of special wife fairy dust that shall never sprinkle upon my lowly self. 

Things changed and we even eventually got married but the feeling of rejection never left. I had been put on the back burner a time or two but sticks around enough to rear its head at inopportune times. 

The effect on our dynamic has been his having to give me more direct attention and reassurances than most. I'm great full he understands my neurotic brain and has no issue telling me repeatedly what my place is in his life. Before we worked it out though things sometimes got rough with him thinking I was trying to control him and me thinking he just didn't care about me.

I've learned to ask for hugs and reassurance and he's figured out how important that is to me. I have also learned to share the craziness in my head. He is strong enough that he doesn't feel accused and it gives him a chance to comfort me which is a much better scenario than we'd dealt with before with me breaking down for no apparent reason. Another upside is the fact that we pay close attention to each other. He watched me to make sure I'm in a good headspace and I watch him because I like watching him.