Adventures in Emmieland

it never ceases to amaze me just how odd people seem to think it is that I like not being in charge in my relationship. During my visit the topic came up a few times and each time I was met with incredulous looks and numerous questions that seriously made no sense to me. Why do people ask "what if he's wrong or makes a bad decision?" Everyone at some point is wrong and makes a bad decision, if I were in charge the only difference would be that it would be me making them and taking the responsibility for fixing them, not that none would ever be made so in light of that does it really matter? What really tripped me out was when this came up with a bunch of older (early to late 60 yr olds) married couples who are quite into church, old time country bible thumping church too. Yet even among them the idea of a man leading the relationship was being tempered with "I want a smart woman who can think for herself" "Don't want a weak woman" "Don't...

Woke up this morning in tears, no idea what is wrong. I feel overwhelmed and I've only been awake for 15 minutes, this doesn't bode well. Maybe it's just decompressing from the trip or maybe I was dreaming something I don't remember but it's certainly disconcerting. So glad to be home even if I did get promptly ill yesterday as if on cue after getting home. I really need to rest but sadly I don't have time to rest, we need to finish getting moved this week and the packing isn't done yet. Once we get settled I think I'm spending a week in bed recuperating. One thing that was made clear to me on this trip was just how much rest I actually need which is lots more than I got. Wonder if I can sneak in beside Das for a cuddle without waking him, worth a try.

I made it home this morning after a pleasantly uneventful plane ride, I even managed my transfer without any drama. I had a nice time and I'm plumb worn out. I can't imagine doing this again any time soon if at all. I didn't sleep so well without my nightly cuddles and frankly just not being near Das for days at a time feels wrong.  Need rest, lots and lots of rest.

I have been back in NC since Wednesday and inn the whole it has been fun. My family is nuts, of course not like I just popped out of nowhere.  One thing I was especially proud of is standing my ground about what I wore to my dad's retirement party. I took 2 dresses for my mom to pick from because I knew she would have issues with one or the other so I figured I would give her the choice of really short or tight, lol but either way I was going to wear something I like. The first dress I tried on she nearly had a conniption but tried to couch it in terms of how much fighting my brothers would have to do over all the attention I would draw from the marines. (Insert eye roll) the second dress had her offering to lend me something of hers with the caveat that it wouldn't be floor length. There was a time when I would have capitulated to keep the peace and walked around miserable. Instead I wore my dress, looked good and had fun.  I wasn't ugly about it but I was firm. I it felt ...

Funny how bad a rap selfishness gets in the bossy-types. I guess it's due to the tendency of people to polarize so there is the thought that if there is selfishness then there can't simultaneously be care. It probably makes it easy to think of things that way but it's not realistic. I dare say even the most seemingly jerk-face narcissistic bastards have their sweet sides. I know there are times when I want to roll my eyes in frustration at the endless demands Das makes on my time and attention. He wants coffee and for me to watch weird music videos at the most inopportune times. He interrupts me when I get the the best part of a novel and has me get up to do something when I just get situated perfectly comfy. It makes me annoyed, irritable, pouty, and immensely satisfied when I do what I'm told, act like I have some sense and serve him properly. I know he gets a jolt of sadistic pleasure watching me struggle and he has no problems being selfish. The man fully thinks t...

I'm taking a well earned rest from putting away the clothes that aren't hanging up into plastic bins since we are getting rid of the two dressers. I find it so sad that my clothes fit into two fairly small pull out draw type bins  and Das's clothes are in 2 giant tubs, 2 much smaller tubs and 9/10ths of the closet. And this is after he sorted and discarded 2 large bags full old clothes this morning. I on the other hand got rid of a shopping bag full (plastic not reusable) I really do run around half naked most of the time don't I. :) Happily I did find some workout wear that will double as pajamas nicely on my trip so I don't have to buy a set that will only get used for this trip like I've done for every other trip. By tomorrow morning I will need to have cut the front yard, cleaned the kitchen, taken all the trash to the curb, cleaned the guest bathroom, and vacuumed the house as well as tidied the livingroom and done some paperwork. I've been working in...

Today is my older brother's birthday, he'd be 43 if he hadn't passed in 2008. My two younger brothers wrote FB posts that were downright gloomy whereas I tend to think about him and giggle. He was such a freaking trip that damn near everything he did made me laugh. Even when I was mad at him I had to laugh which of course made me mad, lol. Since we were kids I was his little shadow and he took that with an amazing amount of patience even when I worked his last good nerve. I destroyed stuff of his, gave him a busted lip, drove him nuts in general and we had our moments but I always knew he had my back. Of course when we got older he refused to believe his little sister was actually growing up, there would be none of that, lol. My freshman year of high school he warned off the paperboy from dating me, so sad... the paperboy was cute. :) He also dangled me over a trashcan the first week of school just to let everyone know that while he could torture me he'd kick anyone els...

This weekend was something of a blur of houses. We looked at countless pictures and slides and even went and saw one place in person. We will obviously have to do better at our scheduling to see places since a 2 hr trip to see one place isn't ideal. So many cute places though I'm bouncy excited. It's a bit overwhelming to know where to start, what is a good neighborhood and all that jazz. I'm lucky to have some friends who are familiar with the area who've been kind enough to steer us toward the good stuff. :) So while all the packing and weeding out of things we have no more need for and shall not move commences we also will have people coming and going in the house we're currently in since our landlord will be doing repairs and getting ready to re-lease it. Busy is the watchword of the day umm make that the month. Just to add a bit of flavor to an already overpacked schedule I'm going to be out of town for a few days visiting the family down south. That ...

House shopping is no joke, especially on a very tight timetable. Scams abound and lucky for me I'm not the gullible type when it comes to throwing my money at people even for stuff I think is uber cute and the more people try to press me the less likely I am to just hand over my wallet. Twice today I've had people try to get me to western union them security deposits, hmm I don't think so. I am excited despite the small annoyances to be moving into the next leg of our adventure. We have seen so many cute places that I know one will be perfect for us. I'm also lucky enough to have a friend who is a real estate agent to help us navigate some of these choppy waters. Oh my I need to pack, and find a place to live and find a dump b/c this furniture is so not going with us, lol. And do all the other 101 things that moving entails. But first I need to breathe...

Picking out an outfit for a doctor's appt is just as involved as picking one for a date. It has to be two pieces, loose enough waistband to be easily slid down to my hips for easy access to my entire abdomen, if pants not tight around the legs and ankles so they can be checked for swelling. No tights or panyhose because they are consticting. The top has to be easy to pull up for checking lungs with either no sleeves or easy to scrunch up sleeves for possible blood draws and there needs to be consistency in the weight of the outfit from one visit to another for accurate weight trend assessment. Shoes must be easy to kick off and of course I want to look cute.

Talking to Das about some of the crazy situations I've found myself in over the years without quite knowing how I got there made me think of a particular few months in my 20s. I was still attending church at this point but already had had a major rift with christianity. I wasn't quite ready to let go of the known yet though so we were attending a new church and that's where it all got weird... Within a few months I was called into the pastor's office and he let me know that he kept hearing my name bandied about the men of the congregation. Mind you I hadn't done anything with any of those men and apparently that was the problem. They were trying to push up on me and it was causing some issues since 1. I was married and 2. they were married (one guy was single but I swear up until that moment I thought he was gay) By not giving them the time of day they were becoming a bit preoccupied and people were starting to notice, their wives included.  He told me I was distr...

Reading a discussion on screw ups sparked thought about how they are handled here. I'd love to say it's a non-issue because in my wondrously perfect obedience nothing is ever mishandled, forgotten or botched but bald face lying isn't my forte. The difference I noticed between what I was reading of other's experiences and the way things happen here is that others seem to have a "this is what happens" whereas here I have to say "it depends".  I don't know if I'll get punished or just a talking to or if he'll get mad, laugh, sigh, shake his head or what because it all depends on the specific circumstances. I'm pretty sure we will talk about things at some point but to what degree I have no idea, some things he really doesn't like to linger over and some he allows me to hash out repeatedly until I've worked it through. I'm not always able to tell beforehand what will fall into which category. Sometimes if it's a fixable ...

I have spent the last couple of days chilling out with Das and thinking about how crazy happy I am. It's a combination of bouncy giddiness and snuggly contentment. We haven't had any relationship altering moments or discussions just our normal day to day topic jumping mish mash of current events, theology, philosophy, humor, reminiscences, cars and vampires. He's done some work on the car for which I've been on hand to hold tools and move hoses and we've taken impromptu drives just because the weather is too nice to stay in the house. All the time we never stop laughing, he delights me and I entertain him. I find myself in turns mooning over him and acting silly just to bring a smile to his face. One thing we haven't been doing is attending any scene or lifestyle events. Frankly I find it nice, I feel more relaxed. It's not that I don't want to socialize with people from the local community it's just that I don't want to do it at dedicated events...