Ponderings on family...
I read a blog pretty regularly that covers a lot of topics but the mainstay is family/parenting and religious upbringing. One of the things that draws me to it is the background of the blogger which is similar to my own and reading how she has navigated through leaving that brand of christianity and managed to maintain a relationship with her parents interests me. Really relationships of all kinds interest me, I'm intensely nosey and intrigued by people which is one reason I love blogs, being allowed into other people's lives is good stuff.
Anyway in a recent post she discussed how she is no longer angry with her parents for the way they treated her when she first left home and began to express differing opinions from theirs. She is wistful for the lost closeness and sad and even hopeful for the future. Something I found interesting was in the comments people over and over talked about how important it was that her children and children in general be allowed contact with grandparents and other extended family even when that family doesn't get along with the parents and has a history of not treating them well. I don't get this. Why on earth should someone feel obligated to share their children with people who don't show their parents respect? Does anyone not think about what message that teaches the child? People keep putting it in the light of higher sacrifice and being the bigger person but to me it smacks of not showing self respect and even proper care of your child to expose them to people who at least potentially in their dislike of you are more likely to not treat your child properly even if it's "only" by being disdainful of you within your child's presence. That isn't a good or healthy situation.
I think the cult of the idea of inalienable rights of family really needs to get a reality check. I love my family, I am actually a very family oriented person. However I do not and will not allow certain things and I made those decisions thoughtfully. I don't think anyone is entitled to my or my children's love, presence, or respect simply because we are related. There are people in my family who I limit my children's exposure to based on their behavior to me. I don't need to gamble on the idea that these people will be better with my kids than they have historically been with me. I take the information I have and make a decision. Yesterday my mother called me independant, it wasn't completely meant to be a compliment but I acted like it was. :)
Sometimes I wonder how it is that my ideas seem to differ so much from the norm about such things.
Anyway in a recent post she discussed how she is no longer angry with her parents for the way they treated her when she first left home and began to express differing opinions from theirs. She is wistful for the lost closeness and sad and even hopeful for the future. Something I found interesting was in the comments people over and over talked about how important it was that her children and children in general be allowed contact with grandparents and other extended family even when that family doesn't get along with the parents and has a history of not treating them well. I don't get this. Why on earth should someone feel obligated to share their children with people who don't show their parents respect? Does anyone not think about what message that teaches the child? People keep putting it in the light of higher sacrifice and being the bigger person but to me it smacks of not showing self respect and even proper care of your child to expose them to people who at least potentially in their dislike of you are more likely to not treat your child properly even if it's "only" by being disdainful of you within your child's presence. That isn't a good or healthy situation.
I think the cult of the idea of inalienable rights of family really needs to get a reality check. I love my family, I am actually a very family oriented person. However I do not and will not allow certain things and I made those decisions thoughtfully. I don't think anyone is entitled to my or my children's love, presence, or respect simply because we are related. There are people in my family who I limit my children's exposure to based on their behavior to me. I don't need to gamble on the idea that these people will be better with my kids than they have historically been with me. I take the information I have and make a decision. Yesterday my mother called me independant, it wasn't completely meant to be a compliment but I acted like it was. :)
Sometimes I wonder how it is that my ideas seem to differ so much from the norm about such things.
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