Realizations

Das took me to one of my numerous doctor appointments the other day and his offer to do so surprised me. It shouldn't have since he has taken me whenever possible especially if it wasn't a routine visit. There have been a few other things recently that I have found myself thanking him profusely for which he looked a bit perplexed by since to his mind what he's doing isn't anything special just what you do for someone you care about. He was glad I was appreciative of course but confused as to why I didn't just assume he would behave in those ways. I really had to think about it.

As we talked about things it has become clear that although I have felt loved in my life it has always been provisional or at the very least I experienced it that way.  I didn't want to be a bother to him and further didn't think he wanted me to be.  The idea that he wants to be bothered is slowly but surely sinking in. When he says he wants all of me he doesn't just mean all of the easily categorized and tidy parts, he really and truly means all.  It's funny how not having to be strong isn't the same thing as being weak. Sometimes you have to realize something over and over and every time you do it's on a different level than the last time.