Adventures in Emmieland

I was reading a blog post about camping tonight and in the post the author revealed that she is very adverse to camping and after being asked repeatedly to accompany her boyfriend and refusing without really explaining she finally laid out the roots of her feelings to her boyfriend. I noticed in the comments someone was quick to say that he was pushing her boundaries, call him a "whiny man child" and even say that if he was going to push her on this issue then he could not be trusted to respect her on other issues. There was an immediate string of agreements and only one dissenting opinion. It seems shameful to me that we as women and as a society are so quick to brand men as dangerous and call them out of their names based on so little. The poster told one story about her interaction with her boyfriend which in all honesty could be looked at in several different ways. I couldn't assess his character as a whole because there just wasn't enough to go on and yet peopl...

I've been feeling a lot better over the last two days but I still can't seem to concentrate for anything.  Today I even decided it was well past time for me to put on something besides sweatpants and a T-shirt and donned a cute top, tights, and a skirt. Even let me hair out of confinement and took a few pictures! It's what I do when I'm not feeling well since it really takes my mind off feeling crummy. Tomorrow is the anniversary of Das and my first official date. Hard to believe it's only been 7 years since it seems like we've been together forever. It's funny how often I start a story with "don't you remember when..." only to realize the event happened before I met him.  I guess folding his clothes was prophetic since here I am 7 years later still folding his clothes, doing his dishes, cleaning his bathrooms, warming his bed, fulfilling his every whim & wish and this is what I will be gladly doing for the rest of my life.

Today is better! Sleepy but better. I think 70% of the day has passed by while I had a passing acquaintance with consciousness. Now I just want to be allowed to eat food that it's wall colored... In other news, I don't have any as I'm too sleepy to construct coherent sentences. I'm lucky to have a top notch care giver on hand to make sure I don't do things like indulge my deep seated desire for eggs and cream cheese. :)

An exciting morning was had by all and by all I mean Das and I. After a terrible night of whimpering, spiking fevers, fainting from pain and constant diarrhea it finally occurred to me to call my dr's after hours line. After a brief consultation I was told to go to the ER post haste. So by 8am I was in a room stripped down to the undies with only a flimsy gown to try and warm me in the sub zero temperatures that hospitals insist on keeping all the rooms and not one blanket in sight. I was poked prodded, pummeled, made to pee in a cup and when that pee was found unsatisfactory given a catheter. After almost 5 hours the verdict came back as I have a kidney infect that is indeed clearing up but I was experiencing terrible side effects from the original antibiotic. So my antibiotic was switched, I was given morphine and IV fluids for a while and upon release I had a script for painkillers, a new antibiotic, and a command to follow up with my nephrologist within a week. I'm home n...

I got to spend a considerable amount of my afternoon at the doctor's office due to flank pain, the verdict a kidney infection. So tomorrow morning I start a week of oh so yummy antibiotics and hope that I'm not allergic to them and that a single round is sufficient. Follow up in a couple of weeks. You know when everyone at your doctor's office and all the tech's/pharmacist at your local retail pharmacy know you not only by sight but by name, you are there way too much. :) I wonder why doctors don't prescribe an anti-nausea medication along with the antibiotic when nausea is the most common side effect for most of them? Just seems like a logical thing to do to me but maybe that's my selfish desire to not spend a week feeling like I'm going to throw up speaking. I am glad I have time to rest, looks like I will be needing it. I think chocolate is needed too, lots of nice dark chocolate...

Friday I went to withdraw the kidlet from school, we were sitting at a table in the common area after the receptionist had called for the counselor chatting with one of his friends. The counselor appeared after a few minutes, looked over at us and proceeded to ask the receptionist if the parent had arrived.  At that point I felt the need to speak up, she looked taken aback but recovered well and we got things done. At the airport later in the weekend first I ran into a kerfuffle with the ticket agent who had a difficult time comprehending that I was not the unaccompanied minor in need of a ticket. When he finally thought to look at my driver's license that bit of confusion was cleared up, the proper tickets were printed and we sprinted off to security with less than an hour before the plane was scheduled for take off. Once we got to the blessedly short line at security I allowed the kidlet to go in front of me. He went through the ID check with no issues and I made it through wit...

So now the changes are coming upon us, this weekend my son who has lived with us for the duration of our relationship, and of course with me much longer given he is my son, is moving. He's going to live with his father. I am curious to see how this will impact our day to day lives in regards to our dynamic. I'm curious because I've heard people swear you can't do M/s while there are children in the home of any age do to constant worries of state interference from an indiscreet word no matter how innocently spoken from the child. Personally I haven't had that worry even though I have been the subject of a child services investigation which went fine.  Others have said that having children underfoot stop you from executing all manner of elaborate rituals that are absolutely necessary to maintain M/s properly. Das has never to my knowledge had any interest in elaborate rituals so nothing has been missed there. It's not that I doubt there will be noticeable chan...

My youngest brother posted a link to a Christian site and when I clicked on it I noticed a post on Beyonce so naturally I clicked it. There was a review of her new videos which expressed concern over her move to being  explicitly sexual in them unlike her earlier work. I hadn't yet seen any of them in fact I had no idea about them so I was reading it without any point of reference. I read some of the comments which didn't all agree with the poster and I even linked to a blog that had a very different viewpoint. Then I watched one of the videos. The one my brother linked me to was Drunk In Love and it was explicitly sexual in that she was obviously a woman comfortable with her body and her sexuality and her sex life with her husband. There was so much playfulness, sass, tenderness, raunch, and love evident in the interplay of them that watching it was a voyeuristic pleasure. Frankly it is the kind of video that makes you want to go give your man a surprise striptease. Maybe ...

 This morning when we were discussing different points of protestant theology I kept looking quizzically at Das and explaining that I was raised with the exact opposite belief than what he was telling me were building blocks of the protestant movement. In fact most of the time it wasn't just implied or vaguely understood it was specifically preached against such as the idea of once saved always saved and having belief being able to stand on it's own. He has pointed out before that it seems the church I was raised in took a lot of it's belief structures from the catholic church even though it was protestant. The more we have various conversations and I mention this or that from that church the more often he says yep that is a catholic belief to the point where I've begun to doubt the validity of calling it protestant. Of course I also think calling it a church is somewhat generous as I tend to think of it as more cult-ish. It amuses me that even though I did spend so...

I curled my hair with pipe cleaners last night. I've tried curling it several times with varying amounts of success before but I have to say the pipe cleaners are the best so far. Yay curls!

Das and I were talking yesterday and the subject wound around to various people we've known over the years. I was quite taken aback to discover that in one case in particular the fact that I had never spent any time alone at with someone wasn't happenstance as I had always assumed. Das pointed out that although the individual in question self identified as the follower in his relationship he was in fact someone who had a forceful dominant air about him that was palpable, add that to the fact that he was attracted to me and a nice person whom I liked and he found it best that I not be put in temptation's way. I was not as one might suspect insulted at the insinuation that I would be tempted to indiscretion.  I'd like to say it's a complete impossibility but I'm more honest with myself than that. I have always be drawn to obedience of dominant men of a certain stripe sometimes despite myself and against my better judgement. Even when the voice in my head is scre...

Reading a thread on fet about moving on as a slave after the end of an M/s relationship I noticed someone gave the advice of reclaiming your old habits and enjoyments. I've seen that advice before and in fact I've witnessed people doing it. It's not something I think has merit in and of itself. I don't understand the idea of going backward as a good plan. You aren't the same person you were so why would trying to recapture the past be the best way to move beyond the pain and confusion of no longer being owned? It would seem to me that exploring who you are at the present time as a combination of who you were along with whatever changes you've made and with whatever new self discoveries may emerge in the process would result in the best outcome. Denying parts of yourself never brings inner peace and what is running backward but a form of denial? If you stopped wearing pajamas I wouldn't advise going out and buying some because you used to like them before...

I woke up with Britney Spears in my head Piece of Me specifically, I love that song when I first heard it I could definitely relate. In my family and even amongst the people I grew up with in the smallish town I'm from I am "that girl" I think these lines pretty much sum the reactions I get. "(You want a piece of me?) I'm Mrs. Oh My God, That Britney's Shameless (You want a piece of me?) I'm Mrs. Extra, Extra, This Just In (You want a piece of me?) I'm Mrs. She's Too Big, Now She's Too Thin (You want a piece of me?) " Substitute Emmie for Britney and there you go, especially the shameless part, lol. Although the she's too big, now she's too thin... goodness knows that has been a thing for years now. I've never known why my weight has been such a fascinating topic of conversation for so many people. Over the years I have learned to laugh about it but it used to cause me a lot of distress. Not enough to actually toe...

I woke up at an unreasonably early hour this morning as I often do and decided to catch up on all the excitement of FB, you know cute puppies and pictures of food I can't cook. In the midst of all that I saw a friend's vent which given the circumstances of her life currently I found perfectly understandable, what I didn't find understandable was one of the "helpful" replies. Someone basically told her to stop complaining and think of solutions with the old I did it so can you! I have never understood how people think that is helpful in any way. First I'm going to tell you I don't want to hear you when you tell me how rough things are for you right now and then I'm going to tell you that I've had it just as bad but I managed to turn it around so the fact that you haven't is basically your own fault. Thanks... With friends like those... It's deeper than one friend though it is a societal thing. I've noticed my entire life that people do...

It's funny how people will bring up trust sometimes in ways that seem to me to be using it like a weapon in a relationship. I just can't trust him is an oft heard refrain even when the events surrounding the declaration don't warrant it. Take for example a discussion I recent came across online, a woman was lamenting that she could no longer trust her boyfriend of several years because she'd had a pregnancy scare and even though it turned out to be a false alarm and they were still together he'd told her that if she had been pregnant he would have left. On the surface one can see why she'd be mistrustful until reading further when she explains that he has had this stance from the beginning. She entered the relationship with him knowing that he adamantly did not want children (neither does she) and they both share in taking precautions against pregnancy. He doesn't demand she get an abortion if she were to become pregnant and he has told her he would provid...

Last night I was reading an article on xojane in which a woman discussed her bewilderment with learning to deal with her period in middle school. in the comments this somehow led to a discussion on menstrual cup, diva cups in particular and I was all ears because I love my diva cup. I think it's the best ever invention and curse whatever forces that didn't make it immediately available the day I started. While I read this long thread person after person talked about her normal, moderate, and even somewhat heavy period being able to be captured by her diva cup for over 12 hours with not a hint of leakage. being able to sleep without a worry and basically being completely worry free as far as overflow goes. It started me scratching my head b/c as much as I sing the praises of my cup from the mountain tops I still wake up after 7 hours tops and have to shuffle off to dump it and clean the blood off my thighs. I don't have a leakage issue in general but I try to go 12 hours t...

Das and I laugh a lot about me being a princess, usually as I have my feet up on a pillow while eating a chocolate bar or some other decadent treat. From the outside it does look like quite the pampered life and I will fess up to quite a bit of spoiling.  I don't let it go to my head though, I know what is given can just as easily be taken away.  Something that we've noticed though is when we say princess people only conjure up images of the indulged, spoiled girls running amok which couldn't be further from the truth. The life of an old time princess was actually not too far of from that of a slave just better dressed and fed, probably fewer whippings too. The princess was the property of her father a pawn to be used for political advantage. Her life was not her own in an way whatsoever, what privileges she had were either gifts from the king or things that would further the king's agenda. She was never autonomous first living under the thumb of her father the king ...

I am finally awake! If anyone says modeling is an easy gig they are lying. Granted I do tire somewhat easily but still hours of make up, hair & accesories, standing around in heels, freezing in underheated backstage dressing areas while getting prep so you don't sweat,  actually walking on the runway as if you haven't a care in the world and then mingling and photos after the show for hours, it wears a girl out. I smile a lot naturally but I think I may have strained a cheek muscle. I spent all weekend resting and today is the first time I've been able to walk without a limp from calf soreness. I would of course do it all again because It had a blast and obviously I am a masochist. ;) I think the prettiest picture Taken of me was actually not onstage or by one of the professionals (that I've seen, most of them haven't released theirs yet) but outside taken by a friend. It would be easy to get my head turned by all the attention and flattery I've gotten...