Church Community and Personal Growth
This morning when we were discussing different points of protestant theology I kept looking quizzically at Das and explaining that I was raised with the exact opposite belief than what he was telling me were building blocks of the protestant movement. In fact most of the time it wasn't just implied or vaguely understood it was specifically preached against such as the idea of once saved always saved and having belief being able to stand on it's own.
He has pointed out before that it seems the church I was raised in took a lot of it's belief structures from the catholic church even though it was protestant. The more we have various conversations and I mention this or that from that church the more often he says yep that is a catholic belief to the point where I've begun to doubt the validity of calling it protestant. Of course I also think calling it a church is somewhat generous as I tend to think of it as more cult-ish.
It amuses me that even though I did spend some time in more mainstream churches in my twenties I did not pick up on the actual beliefs of those churches. I don't think I paid very close attention at all to the sermons and I certainly didn't research the church's stances or traditions because even then I knew christianity wasn't truly my path although I didn't know what was. By that point I was more interested in being a part of a community and supporting my husband. Sometimes to my own detriment as I am and have always been an introvert and he was an extrovert. Also as a "proper" black woman in the south going to church was just what you did.
Looking back I can see at different times I sought a place that I felt I belonged. I never found it in the church and as much as I loved dancing nor did I fit in the dance community. I don't feel a part of the BDSM community either. At this point though I am no longer looking for community as a whole in a large way. Partly because I have realized that the way I was looking is not really what feeds me. spending large amounts of time around large amounts of people is draining for me not energizing so I would feel edgy and unhappy when doing it consistently no matter what group of people I was doing it with. Learning to let go of the social expectation that I needed to be more extroverted and embrace the introvert that I am has freed me to make meaningful friendships in a way that actually works for me. I enjoy connecting with people who think and live in ways similar to me in areas I deem crucial so that I am not expending a lot of energy trying to hide realities of my life and thoughts that I would rather not. I don't need to be around clones of myself in fact my circle of friends is fairly diverse they simply share some traits.
While I retain a fascination with and curiosity about people I've learned to not become embroidered with them beyond my own limits. Others haven't changed, I have and it's all been for the better.
He has pointed out before that it seems the church I was raised in took a lot of it's belief structures from the catholic church even though it was protestant. The more we have various conversations and I mention this or that from that church the more often he says yep that is a catholic belief to the point where I've begun to doubt the validity of calling it protestant. Of course I also think calling it a church is somewhat generous as I tend to think of it as more cult-ish.
It amuses me that even though I did spend some time in more mainstream churches in my twenties I did not pick up on the actual beliefs of those churches. I don't think I paid very close attention at all to the sermons and I certainly didn't research the church's stances or traditions because even then I knew christianity wasn't truly my path although I didn't know what was. By that point I was more interested in being a part of a community and supporting my husband. Sometimes to my own detriment as I am and have always been an introvert and he was an extrovert. Also as a "proper" black woman in the south going to church was just what you did.
Looking back I can see at different times I sought a place that I felt I belonged. I never found it in the church and as much as I loved dancing nor did I fit in the dance community. I don't feel a part of the BDSM community either. At this point though I am no longer looking for community as a whole in a large way. Partly because I have realized that the way I was looking is not really what feeds me. spending large amounts of time around large amounts of people is draining for me not energizing so I would feel edgy and unhappy when doing it consistently no matter what group of people I was doing it with. Learning to let go of the social expectation that I needed to be more extroverted and embrace the introvert that I am has freed me to make meaningful friendships in a way that actually works for me. I enjoy connecting with people who think and live in ways similar to me in areas I deem crucial so that I am not expending a lot of energy trying to hide realities of my life and thoughts that I would rather not. I don't need to be around clones of myself in fact my circle of friends is fairly diverse they simply share some traits.
While I retain a fascination with and curiosity about people I've learned to not become embroidered with them beyond my own limits. Others haven't changed, I have and it's all been for the better.
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