the power of positive thinking...to screw people
I woke up at an unreasonably early hour this morning as I often do and decided to catch up on all the excitement of FB, you know cute puppies and pictures of food I can't cook. In the midst of all that I saw a friend's vent which given the circumstances of her life currently I found perfectly understandable, what I didn't find understandable was one of the "helpful" replies. Someone basically told her to stop complaining and think of solutions with the old I did it so can you! I have never understood how people think that is helpful in any way. First I'm going to tell you I don't want to hear you when you tell me how rough things are for you right now and then I'm going to tell you that I've had it just as bad but I managed to turn it around so the fact that you haven't is basically your own fault. Thanks... With friends like those...
It's deeper than one friend though it is a societal thing. I've noticed my entire life that people don't want you to be anything but up, all up all the time. The occasional minor lapse into slightly blue is allowable as long as it is brief and shrugged off and no one else is made uncomfortable by your penchant for feeling an array of feelings. I'm bipolar if it's one thing I have in spades it's moods. I am moody as all get out and that's when I'm stable. When I'm not stable let's just say things can get real very quickly. I also tend to smile a lot b/c I'm a nervous smiler, smiling is a fallback for me whether I'm happy or not. This has advantages but it also has repercussions because when I'm not smiling just sitting and being neutral people don't assume oh emmie is daydreaming or lost in thought I get oh emmie is pissed off or emmie is stuck up. My non smiling face is never allowed to just be it is perceived as highly negative because everything that isn't obviously positive is negative. Not having a middle ground or rather a reasonable expectation of range of expression does a disservice to everyone. It's limiting. One of the reasons I've always had few close friends is that I find it exhausting to be on all the time. I need to be able to be me whatever me is presenting at the moment. I don't want to have to worry about making people squirm because I don't feel like joking I don't need people telling me to perk up when I'm down I don't enjoy being forced to feign enjoyment of socializing when I'd rather be off doing some quiet thing. Sad to say finding people who accept and embrace all the facets of me has not been easy.
I hate it when my friends apologize for being upset or saying something negative. I always tell them they are welcome to be as negative as they need to be in that moment because they are. Having a bad minute, hour, day hell even week shouldn't be a rare privilege. Knowing those you love will support you to the best of their ability and give you a shoulder and head pat or a tissue when it's what you need or sometimes just acknowledge with you that yep that shit is jacked. That can make a world of difference and it really really should not be something of mythical proportions due to it's rarity. People should not be made to feel that happy is the only acceptable mode. The only way they are deserving of love, attention, time, and hugs. Positive thinking has it's place, it's just not the only place a person can exist.
It's deeper than one friend though it is a societal thing. I've noticed my entire life that people don't want you to be anything but up, all up all the time. The occasional minor lapse into slightly blue is allowable as long as it is brief and shrugged off and no one else is made uncomfortable by your penchant for feeling an array of feelings. I'm bipolar if it's one thing I have in spades it's moods. I am moody as all get out and that's when I'm stable. When I'm not stable let's just say things can get real very quickly. I also tend to smile a lot b/c I'm a nervous smiler, smiling is a fallback for me whether I'm happy or not. This has advantages but it also has repercussions because when I'm not smiling just sitting and being neutral people don't assume oh emmie is daydreaming or lost in thought I get oh emmie is pissed off or emmie is stuck up. My non smiling face is never allowed to just be it is perceived as highly negative because everything that isn't obviously positive is negative. Not having a middle ground or rather a reasonable expectation of range of expression does a disservice to everyone. It's limiting. One of the reasons I've always had few close friends is that I find it exhausting to be on all the time. I need to be able to be me whatever me is presenting at the moment. I don't want to have to worry about making people squirm because I don't feel like joking I don't need people telling me to perk up when I'm down I don't enjoy being forced to feign enjoyment of socializing when I'd rather be off doing some quiet thing. Sad to say finding people who accept and embrace all the facets of me has not been easy.
I hate it when my friends apologize for being upset or saying something negative. I always tell them they are welcome to be as negative as they need to be in that moment because they are. Having a bad minute, hour, day hell even week shouldn't be a rare privilege. Knowing those you love will support you to the best of their ability and give you a shoulder and head pat or a tissue when it's what you need or sometimes just acknowledge with you that yep that shit is jacked. That can make a world of difference and it really really should not be something of mythical proportions due to it's rarity. People should not be made to feel that happy is the only acceptable mode. The only way they are deserving of love, attention, time, and hugs. Positive thinking has it's place, it's just not the only place a person can exist.
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