Protecting me from me
Das and I were talking yesterday and the subject wound around to various people we've known over the years. I was quite taken aback to discover that in one case in particular the fact that I had never spent any time alone at with someone wasn't happenstance as I had always assumed. Das pointed out that although the individual in question self identified as the follower in his relationship he was in fact someone who had a forceful dominant air about him that was palpable, add that to the fact that he was attracted to me and a nice person whom I liked and he found it best that I not be put in temptation's way.
I was not as one might suspect insulted at the insinuation that I would be tempted to indiscretion. I'd like to say it's a complete impossibility but I'm more honest with myself than that. I have always be drawn to obedience of dominant men of a certain stripe sometimes despite myself and against my better judgement. Even when the voice in my head is screaming "this is a BAD IDEA!!!" The rest of me has been known to keep going full speed ahead on a course that I know is not going to end well and yet one I feel compelled to take. Das is fully aware of this propensity and takes steps to circumvent it before it can even become an issue, I am so grateful for that.
He could not act in such a way to protect me from my own potential folly if I were not honest with him and I could not be honest with him if I felt that judgement would be hammered down on me for every revelation of my past, my thoughts, or my inclinations. That transparency that is so often talked about among slaves on sites such as fet as a way to display anger or displeasure is not often discussed in a more meaningful way to me. As a way to truly lay yourself bare before your master. To be as fully known as possible. Being vulnerable to judgement, disdain, rejection and still being honest not only about who you are but about who you were and wish to be. Hiding nothing of yourself by telling yourself that is it of no consequence but laying it all bare before him to weigh and measure as he sees fit. That transparency is not romantic or pretty or easy. It is however essential.
I was not as one might suspect insulted at the insinuation that I would be tempted to indiscretion. I'd like to say it's a complete impossibility but I'm more honest with myself than that. I have always be drawn to obedience of dominant men of a certain stripe sometimes despite myself and against my better judgement. Even when the voice in my head is screaming "this is a BAD IDEA!!!" The rest of me has been known to keep going full speed ahead on a course that I know is not going to end well and yet one I feel compelled to take. Das is fully aware of this propensity and takes steps to circumvent it before it can even become an issue, I am so grateful for that.
He could not act in such a way to protect me from my own potential folly if I were not honest with him and I could not be honest with him if I felt that judgement would be hammered down on me for every revelation of my past, my thoughts, or my inclinations. That transparency that is so often talked about among slaves on sites such as fet as a way to display anger or displeasure is not often discussed in a more meaningful way to me. As a way to truly lay yourself bare before your master. To be as fully known as possible. Being vulnerable to judgement, disdain, rejection and still being honest not only about who you are but about who you were and wish to be. Hiding nothing of yourself by telling yourself that is it of no consequence but laying it all bare before him to weigh and measure as he sees fit. That transparency is not romantic or pretty or easy. It is however essential.
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