Adventures in Emmieland

I have a princess chair, life is good. I swear these chairs were made with an emmie in mind b/c the way I am sitting is the way I always sit but now I have a giant cushion that is perfect for curling up.

Last night Das and I were talking about what has and hasn't changed in our dynamic. I told him that from outside it looks like I am a very pampered wife which he agreed to but added that it is still quite obvious that he expects complete obedience from me.  That made me think about dinner at a friend's house a couple weekends ago. It was served family style and at one point the wife asked Das if he was waiting for something to begin fixing his plate, he told her he was waiting for me to serve him. She looked at us for a minute and then said "oh I get your relationship now" We all laughed and I made his plate. It's funny to me how I don't think of stuff like that I just do it automatically. Some things get ingrained and seem perfectly natural to me. What is interesting is that I also think the ways others do stuff is perfectly natural. I think it's easy to set your normal as the measure for everyone although that is not at all appropriate.

It's rather amusing to realize how some of the stuff we do sounds to someone else even someone kinky. I was talking to a friend today and of course we talked about sex and play. In the spirit of sharing I mentioned some of the things we've done that meld sex and play. It made me giggle that she was like "that's gross" not that I don't think some of it was gross myself but for me it's like, yea it's gross which is part of why it's hot. He likes to see me squirm and I like that he can do stuff that I don't like or worse yet make me do stuff I don't like. I guess it makes sense to me but looking at it from someone else's perspective it's just icky not hot, lol. Wonder exactly when I crossed into taking some stuff for granted that isn't necessarily everyday stuff to others? This could be why he looks at me like I've lost my mind when I say I'm not kinky.

Yesterday was my baby kidlet's birthday hard to believe he's already 17. It's been a year since I last saw him and less than a yr since I last spoke to him which makes me sad. As much as I hope that we will reconnect at some point I am aware that it may not happen. I try not to let that thought get me down too much but some days it's difficult especially with not knowing how much of what I was told of the reason we aren't in contact was truth since I wasn't given the opportunity to talk to him directly and find out what was on his mind.  Maybe one day I'll find out the truth of how and what happened, maybe not, either way I hope that right now he's happy and thriving and somewhere in his heart knows that I love him.

It's been a weird few weeks as far as sleep goes. I've always had vivid dreams but these last few weeks I've been dreaming so strongly that at times I can't tell if I'm asleep or awake and even odder the dreams are all centered around people and events that have been negative. I've found myself waking myself by fussing people out and sharing opinions with folks that I've never done before. The first few times I noticed I still felt angry and upset after waking even for a few days on end but in this last week something has shifted and and although my dreams are still filled with confrontations I feel better when I wake up. I guess I'm working through some stuff and truly letting it go  but it's funny that it all seems to get done in my sleep. I guess the mind does what it needs to and if I refuse to yell at people while awake... lol. The more I open up and really fully feel my feelings the more stuff comes up that I thought was taken care of ages ...

The right to say no as a slave is an argument that never seems to get old. It seems so often to me that people are all for it until something happens, possibly not even to them, that sets off their own issues and suddenly having a cnc type dynamic is terrible especially if the master ever takes it seriously and doesn't give credence to a no that's been issued so goes about whatever he planned in the first place. I saw someone ask something to the effect of if he wanted sex that would hurt you would you still say I have no right to say no?  Umm yes, been there done that and it's not unthinkable that it will happen again. I don't think of it so much as given up the right to say no as having agreed to a dynamic with him that I cannot say no and expect that to automatically be respected. I've said no to plenty of stuff and our basic belief if he breaks me then he have to fix me. I find it much easier to look at at from that standpoint because I know how seriously he...

A fun time was had this weekend walking, chatting and enjoying the weather. I'm finally seeing more things that people have been telling me about.      

This morning we went to Mass. I've been before but it's been years and it's different when it's a parish you are choosing to make your own. It's a bit intimidating to realize how much I need to learn like the proper way to cross myself and genuflecting when facing the altar, things others do without needing to think about it since they've been instructed in the proper etiquette since childhood. We have started to attend an adult cataclysm class which is interesting. One thing I find very interesting is how much of the way I was brought up in Christianity is the same as the Catholic church. I always thought it must have been worlds apart especially since everyone I knew who wasn't Catholic had weariness, pity, or disdain for Catholics as a whole. This is going to be a busy year of religious learning since in addition to the cataclysm classes Das and I have to go through the marriage classes required of couples having a church wedding. I liked it even th...

I finally have a broom! It's the little things you learn to appreciate. :) Next week I think we are getting more furniture. It's going to be interesting to see how it all comes together. I went to the doctor with Das the other day and it was rather eye opening. Now I'm used to when people say it is a long wait they mean a wait of months. His doctor apologized for the long wait and it was a week away.  Funny how the same words obviously mean different things. It makes me think about expectations. Here I've noticed people expect things that I think of as luxury. Like a short wait to visit the doctor for various appts. Like pharmacies who deliver for free. Even the fact that you don't have to keep copies of all your medical records to drag from doctor to doctor because everyone is on the same system so your records are available to everyone you see thus cutting down on the need for extra waiting for records to transfer and the concern that a new dr doesn't have...

He sat waiting for her to show up unaware that she had already arrived and was peeking at him from around the corner. There is always a bit of nervousness when meeting someone from a dating site thrown together by algorithms that have no discernable rhyme or reason. And this was the first time she’d ventured into it. Please don’t let him be a crazy person was the mantra she mumbled under her breath. While he was occupied with fixing himself the perfect cup of coffee, three sugars and enough cream to turn the coffee a paler color brown than her biscuit brown complexion, she found herself drawn to his hands, broad heavy workman’s hands that would have once marked him as being from peasant stock. There was something comforting in the size and apparent strength of those hands. Although he was half hidden behind the waist high table she could see enough to make her mind start spinning tales of being picked up with ease and thrown around in the most delightful way. Broad shoulders a t...

You’ve got to be kidding, no one can get this done in the next 15 minutes especially when you jerks want me to do 10 other things at the same time. Muttering was what Deli did best at work, well she was actually aces at her job but that is why she is the one who gets stuff piled on, her bosses know  she'll  get it done or die trying. It’s the die trying part that she  isn't  so keen on. Pulling up nearly indecipherable charts and graphs and resolutely sitting down with a large coffee plus two cans of caffeine laden energy drinks she settled in for a long day hoping that wearing obvious headphones would keep people from socializing. How is it that no one else in this department never had anything better to do than loiter at her desk? Hours into making sense of the nonsense she’d been given it was time for a break according to her numb butt and aching back. Also she was starting to see double which is never a good sign so she made her way downstai...

There is finally cable/internet service at our house. Getting it was a bit of a run around since first we went with the largest provider who scheduled us for a week out and they didn't show up or call on their appointed day.  We tried calling to see what was going on and couldn't reach a person and nor were our calls returned. So we did the logical thing and went with the competition. :) they we able to schedule an install for the next day and I was even able to get it all set up in my name. The installation dude arrived well within the allotted 2 hr frame and worked quickly and even took the time to walk me through getting my computer online. Great customer service I tell you. So today I have been glorying in being able to pull up more than one tab at a time. Oh it'd been too long! It's neat to me how everything is slowly coming together. We have dishes that we like but no silverware, a couple of fold out chairs and a bed. I like that we are taking our time buyin...

I got my drivers license yesterday go me! I'm pretty excited about the steps we are taking to establish ourselves and with each thing checked off my list in my quest to become a resident I get giddier. Something I have been thinking about is the lack of a kink community. Well there probably is one we just aren't a part of it. I don't know that we ever will be. Back in TX we got to a point of not attending many things but we were still surrounded by people to whom we didn't have to explain our relationship. Here I have only met vanilla people and being looked at oddly is disconcerting to me. I'm sure that if I didn't call Das daddy and wasn't so obviously submissive to him then we wouldn't get get such strange looks but it's not something I really think about in the moment. The way we are together baffles people a lot it seemingly but at the same time it also seems to hold some appeal to different folks. I'memotionally taken back to our early d...

So we are in the apartment for the better part of a week now and I love it. I have been slowly aquainting myself with the immediate neighborhood I even walked all the way up to our new church about three city blocks. It feels weird to walk around like I own the sidewalk. I don't have the same big eyed confused feeling that I had in San Francisco and that I expected to have here. Maybe it is because I am older and more confident in general. I also feel very safe. I am not quite naive enough to think there is never any crime here but it isn't as fearful of a general atmosphere which doesn't transmit a fear fulness to me. I like it. Today I am waiting for a furniture delivery. I'm stuck in the house because they didn't give us an estimate on time not even the customary four hour window so I have amused myself by trying to teach the dog to fetch and taking pictures of myself. It is more difficult since I left my tripod. The car could only fit so much stuff after all a...