Enthralled

He's doing it again, making me crazy. I've been all abuzz, my body feels quite electric and his smallest touch has my mind flying down to wallow in the gutter. Of course he finds this highly amusing while I find it to be a pain in the ass. We sleep curled up on one another, usually spooning with me as the little spoon. It's mighty hard to sleep when my awareness of him is ramped up 20x higher than usual so that even when I'm dog tired my thoughts run to all the things I want to do to him and him to me. Exhaustion brings me sleep but sleep doesn't bring me relief. When I remember my dreams they are filled with him and when I don't I still wake with a need to touch him. It's both sexual and not at the same time. I think it's that it's not just sex. I find I need to be near him, in his presence is good, touching him is better. If I could spend my days curled up next to him or on his lap I would.  


I read a post by a woman I don't know and in it she described being "that girl" the one who immerses herself in her man. She talked about how she had a tendency to lose sight of herself as a separate being and such from her husband and put him above herself. As I read I nodded along until I realized she wasn't describing it as a good thing.  I am "that girl" I've always been inclined that way and Das has amplified and refined that inclination so that he is the axis of my world. I don't indulge seriously in hobbies that would distract my attention, I don't do much of anything that can't be dropped at a moment's notice.  And the more solidly that is my reality the happier I am. I'm beginning to think his DNA is infused with some type of addictive drug that is emitted through his skin akin to the manner of hallucinogenic frogs. Whatever he's doing and however he's doing it, it works. I believe there are monks whose minds are fixed upon their deities less than mine is upon him. I wouldn't have it any other way.