freeing dependence

At MasT friday we talked about independence and dependence and I said something about Das really starting the process of dependence with me by removing my emotional safety nets. I have been thinking more about the emotional and practical risks involved. He was asking me to commit myself fully to being his while leaving behind my socially acceptable, legally binding, comfortable and happy relationship where I had a reasonable expectation that my basic needs would be met. He wasn't offering me anything in return other than the possibility of happiness. He was married to someone else so there wasn't even the option of being legally bound. It was an exercise in trust, not so much in him but in myself. Did I trust myself to make good decisions? I did and I do. Things have worked out in ways neither of us anticipated but through it we stayed committed to not only each other individually but to the dynamic we created.

The almost two years we lived semi together and semi apart were highly intense and I feel as if we did multiple years worth of growth as a unit in that time period. Something about it solidified who we are together.

One thing I have had to get used to with being so dependent on him is that he doesn't mind, in fact he adores it. Every time I have turned to him thinking I am a burden or being too needy he laughs at me and tells me how much he loves me and loves taking care of me. I am able to fully lean into him without worrying about smothering him or breaking him under my weight. Not having to temper my inclination to wrap myself up in my partner is somewhat ironically freeing.