So not slave of the year material

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I have not traditionally been a possessive person in my relationships but with Das things are different, not completely surprising as this relationship is different than any I've ever had. He mentioned that I have become more adamant about wanting to maintain the status quo as far as our monogamy  lately and he's right.  Of course since I'm the slave around here it's not like I get to dictate these things.

What I have noticed is that when things plateau between us I relax and the thought of things changing while somewhat uncomfortable doesn't send me into a tailspin. However we don't spend much time in the land of plateau, it seems that as soon as I catch my breath we are moving into new territory emotionally. I keep thinking there can't possibly be any more ways degrees of dependance and vulnerability, I'm always wrong.  Venturing into uncharted waters makes me want to hold on to what I know for fear that if anything changes I will be left unanchored completely.

Now realistically I know that is not a reasonable thought. It's panic and panic is not founded in truth. It doesn't help that I am plagued by panic attacks that have nothing to do with us anyway. Faulty wiring doesn't self correct because we decided to embark on a power exchange dynamic. I feel grateful that he gets me and seems to be ok with tinkering in my head as needed. He keeps telling me "your feelings don't have to make sense or be logical, I just have to know what they are. I can't help you with what I don't know" So my mission if I chose to accept it (and I do) is to keep talking to him. As much as I would love to get the slave of the year award, I guess I will have to settle for pie.  Mmmm pie  :)

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