Thoughts on girls & sex

There is a lot of talk about sexualizing children (mostly girls so that's what I will be addressing) and how it leads to girls having sex too soon. There doesn't seem to be a consensus on what is too soon and exactly what constitutes a child being sexualized. Some people think a middle school aged girl being allowed to wear a skirt that hits just above the knee is shameful while others find an elementary aged girl in heels and lipstick no big deep as long as it looks "tasteful".  What I'm trying to say is that the actual lines on things is arbitrary and influenced by personal ideas, age, culture, ethnic background, even the fashion norms of the area people live in with in the same country. 

All this stuff started swirling around in my head as I was watching girls from about 5 to 16 model in a fashion show this weekend. they all wore a full face of make up and if I recall correctly they all had on at least short heels.  they had the poses down and the very young ones tended to mimic the hip sway of adult women which I found rather humorous on their straight hipped bodies.  As I watched them all prance and twirl I couldn't shake the feeling that it was a huge game of dress up just played out in a public forum instead of at home. Maybe I have less of whatever it is that leads to outrage over young girls looking too "grown" but none of them did to me, they looked exactly like what they were, kids dressed up all fancy showing off how pretty they looked. In many ways I found it sweet. 

This led me to wonder if the outcry against girls ever wearing clothing that hinted at any enjoyment in adorning their own bodies and aren't strictly utilitarian or infantilized has more to do our discomfort as a society with the idea that children are not blank slates devoid of any hint of sexuality until puberty. We seem to have a need to hold fast to the myth of children especial female children as shining beacons of innocence untouched by any of the world's filth and in doing so we do our children a huge disservice. In this way purity culture and mainstream culture while not identical twins are at the least kissing cousins. Instead of teaching our girls that they are wonderfully made in all ways including their  bodies and sexuality which granted isn't the same as adult sexuality but real nonetheless. We leave them to flounder and question themselves, often to repress or even despise something they think shouldn't exist if they were good girls. And not being a good good is held up as a fate worse than death. Think about media portrayals of women who've died fighting off rapist, they are celebrated as having done the right thing in dying rather than "allowing" themselves to be sullied by rape. How jacked up is that?  Girls are being sexualized all right but the culprit I'm worried about isn't the mini skirt or spandex dress, it's the insinuation that a girl's value is in her sexuality specifically in her virginity. Her worth can be measured by her lack of sexual experience and if she loses that without the proper social sanctions or is even perceived to have lost it then she is unredeemable and nothing. Girls are told that they aren't to be sexual, in fact that they aren't sexual beings at all and yet they are judged first and foremost specifically on their sexiness. 

There is this idea that upon marriage all the constraints will fall off and the girl who is now a woman whose sexuality is safely channeled in a socially acceptable manner, will just enjoy uninhibited and fulfilling sex with her partner no problem. There is a problem with this theory, how can she enjoy something she has never before been allowed to even acknowledge let alone revel in and explore on her own? If we haven't given her the mental ability to say to herself this is my body it's beautiful, it feels nice, it's fun to be looked at and thought pretty and there is no shame in that. Then how do we even begin to tell her that she will know when she is ready to share it, outside of what her parents say, outside of what her religion says, outside of what her society says. I don't know honestly. All I can think of is to tell her "when you are ready you will know you are acting not to spite what anyone says but in spite what anyone says" Seems to work pretty well for a lot of things in life.