Empathy
I struggle with victim blaming. There are some situations that are clearly delineated as to who bears responsibility for what in my head and then there are those situations that I look at and well I think to myself what kind of an idiot are you? I do make a distinction between it was ok for Person A to do such and such behavior and Person X was in my estimation stupid but sometimes those lines man they intertwine quite a bit.
There was an article on xojane I Was Abused By My Dom and there were parts of it that had me rolling my eyes at the author until I thought they were going to get stuck that way. I completely thought dude was an asshole, I also thought she was not altogether too bright if her actions were any indicator. I have heard people talk about sub frenzy and when I look at them obviously confused I generally get a "you remember how it was when you first started out" I usually don't say anything more but I do remember and frankly can't relate. I don't want to be lacking in empathy but I am often concerned that I am. There are times when if I can't personally relate I have a hard time feeling all mushy and protective. I am more like "that was stupid, own your stupid" The offending party needs to be brought to task for their offensiveness but by god is it really bad to also think that there are times when you have to look at yourself and say, "that shit right there was just dumb, I don't know what i was thinking"
Sometimes I wonder if we have made everything so either or that if you aren't 100% unquestioning about how someone was wrong then we don't get to learn anything about circumstances surrounding it or more helpfully learn from them. I think life can be messy and not so easily sorted, you can say A is unequivocally wrong while X needs to work on communication skills, personal safety, whatever it is without one negating the other. I'm not sure we as a society are ready for that just yet. Hell I don't know that I am.
There was an article on xojane I Was Abused By My Dom and there were parts of it that had me rolling my eyes at the author until I thought they were going to get stuck that way. I completely thought dude was an asshole, I also thought she was not altogether too bright if her actions were any indicator. I have heard people talk about sub frenzy and when I look at them obviously confused I generally get a "you remember how it was when you first started out" I usually don't say anything more but I do remember and frankly can't relate. I don't want to be lacking in empathy but I am often concerned that I am. There are times when if I can't personally relate I have a hard time feeling all mushy and protective. I am more like "that was stupid, own your stupid" The offending party needs to be brought to task for their offensiveness but by god is it really bad to also think that there are times when you have to look at yourself and say, "that shit right there was just dumb, I don't know what i was thinking"
Sometimes I wonder if we have made everything so either or that if you aren't 100% unquestioning about how someone was wrong then we don't get to learn anything about circumstances surrounding it or more helpfully learn from them. I think life can be messy and not so easily sorted, you can say A is unequivocally wrong while X needs to work on communication skills, personal safety, whatever it is without one negating the other. I'm not sure we as a society are ready for that just yet. Hell I don't know that I am.
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