Manipulation Sucks
I read a bit of a discussion about emotional manipulation using the threat of self harm and/or suicide. People were talking about the various ways they would or have handled it when/if it came up in a relationship particularly an M/s one. The opinions ranged from drop the offender like a hot potato to seek help for them.
If you've never dealt with it it can be difficult to say how you would react honestly. I haven't been on the receiving (or giving) end of it in a M/s relationship but I have been involved with someone who made a habit of saying how they should kill themselves to make everyone else happy and how they were so miserable and I have to say as much as I loved them it was hell. Nothing was comforting to them because as far as I can tell upon looking back on it what they wanted wasn't to make things better but to make things different in a way that wasn't possible. Their constant cries of being on the brink of suicide and despair were some of the most effective tools of control I have ever seen but sadly they were also the things that pushed away empathy for them. There came a point where self preservation kicked in on my end and I could no longer funnel the excess of emotion into keeping them even keeled. I could only say "do what you need to do" which sounds cold and it is. It wasn't coming from a place of desire for them to hurt themselves but from a place of needing me to stop putting myself in the line of fire to be hurt. I realized that I am not responsible for the actions of another no matter how much they wanted me to believe I was.
Thinking about it I can't imagine how much harder it would have been if it had been an M/s relationship. On either end how amplified the guilt would have been that I was not able to bring them peace instead of turmoil. I don't know how long it would have taken me to get out of that. I'm thankful I will never know. Sometimes the kindest most loving thing you can do is to walk away but it's rarely the easiest thing.
If you've never dealt with it it can be difficult to say how you would react honestly. I haven't been on the receiving (or giving) end of it in a M/s relationship but I have been involved with someone who made a habit of saying how they should kill themselves to make everyone else happy and how they were so miserable and I have to say as much as I loved them it was hell. Nothing was comforting to them because as far as I can tell upon looking back on it what they wanted wasn't to make things better but to make things different in a way that wasn't possible. Their constant cries of being on the brink of suicide and despair were some of the most effective tools of control I have ever seen but sadly they were also the things that pushed away empathy for them. There came a point where self preservation kicked in on my end and I could no longer funnel the excess of emotion into keeping them even keeled. I could only say "do what you need to do" which sounds cold and it is. It wasn't coming from a place of desire for them to hurt themselves but from a place of needing me to stop putting myself in the line of fire to be hurt. I realized that I am not responsible for the actions of another no matter how much they wanted me to believe I was.
Thinking about it I can't imagine how much harder it would have been if it had been an M/s relationship. On either end how amplified the guilt would have been that I was not able to bring them peace instead of turmoil. I don't know how long it would have taken me to get out of that. I'm thankful I will never know. Sometimes the kindest most loving thing you can do is to walk away but it's rarely the easiest thing.
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