Why is money more important than people?
There are articles, books, columns, advice of every type out there telling women in particular to not trust anyone (read:MEN) with their money. So many of these things say to not join finances until you are married but even then to keep some "emergency funds" apart as a precaution and of course any good man would want you to do so. Anyone you aren't married to or at least have extensive legal paperwork binding you to them in some way is a no go for sharing finances at all.
It drives me me nuts when I come across these articles or get involved in these conversations. People are quick to trot out that their concern for abused women who are unable to change their situation due to being financially dependant and yet there is no discussion of the many abused women who are well educated, employed, and have access to money and still haven't left for a variety of reasons. Money isn't the only or even the main thing keeping people where they are. I'm not discounting the very real need for money to live in our society I am however railing against the idea that we as women should trust ourselves to commit to someone, love them, intertwine our lives with them and bare our souls to them but for the love of all things holy don't share our checkbooks. That logic screams of horribly skewed priorities to me.
Money should not be more important than people. The most important thing I bring to a relationship is me. If I am going to share myself, my thoughts, my feelings and be nakedly myself with someone then my money is something I'll share, hand over, spend, whatever without much thought. I can always get more money, myself on the other hand, there is no replacing me. Life would be undeniable difficult if my trust were misplaced and I were left destitute but really that would be a symptom not the actual problem. The problem would be that I shared myself with someone unworthy who cared so little about me that they would do such a thing. Guarding my bank account won't keep me from making that kind of error in judgement, what it might do is keep me from making a full connection with anyone b/c I am too busy looking for and anticipating a negative what could be to throw myself fully into the beauty of what is.
I don't think couple have to have joint accounts to prove anything, that's just as silly to me as not having them on principle. I think they should find a way of handling their finances that makes sense for them as a couple, not based in fear or bravado.
Hmm now I wonder how these talks are handled generally in the lesbian community. If the messages are the same since there are no men involved or if it's the same "cover your own ass" type mentality being put forth as the ideal.
It drives me me nuts when I come across these articles or get involved in these conversations. People are quick to trot out that their concern for abused women who are unable to change their situation due to being financially dependant and yet there is no discussion of the many abused women who are well educated, employed, and have access to money and still haven't left for a variety of reasons. Money isn't the only or even the main thing keeping people where they are. I'm not discounting the very real need for money to live in our society I am however railing against the idea that we as women should trust ourselves to commit to someone, love them, intertwine our lives with them and bare our souls to them but for the love of all things holy don't share our checkbooks. That logic screams of horribly skewed priorities to me.
Money should not be more important than people. The most important thing I bring to a relationship is me. If I am going to share myself, my thoughts, my feelings and be nakedly myself with someone then my money is something I'll share, hand over, spend, whatever without much thought. I can always get more money, myself on the other hand, there is no replacing me. Life would be undeniable difficult if my trust were misplaced and I were left destitute but really that would be a symptom not the actual problem. The problem would be that I shared myself with someone unworthy who cared so little about me that they would do such a thing. Guarding my bank account won't keep me from making that kind of error in judgement, what it might do is keep me from making a full connection with anyone b/c I am too busy looking for and anticipating a negative what could be to throw myself fully into the beauty of what is.
I don't think couple have to have joint accounts to prove anything, that's just as silly to me as not having them on principle. I think they should find a way of handling their finances that makes sense for them as a couple, not based in fear or bravado.
Hmm now I wonder how these talks are handled generally in the lesbian community. If the messages are the same since there are no men involved or if it's the same "cover your own ass" type mentality being put forth as the ideal.
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