Liar Liar

I was raised with the idea that lying in any form was akin to murder in it's badness. In fact my dad had a little saying "if you'd lie you'd steal and if you'd steal you'd kill" so lying about eating the last oatmeal cookie was obviously an indication that you were on the fast track to a murder rap. Any thought that we kids were lying was dealt with swiftly and harshly. To add to the disfunction we were often accused and deemed guilty of lying when we were in fact telling the truth In that environment I became obsessively  honest. It was extremely important to me that I knew I wasn't lying even if no one else did. I held on to that compulsive honesty for years. Then somewhere along the way a switch flipped and I began to fortify the walls around me with lies. No one was getting close to me if I could help it and I could by deliberately misleading people about who I really was. If they didn't know me then they couldn't hurt me.

Eventually I have come to a place of balance, I am honest, mostly. Now I don't automatically choose the truth in every circumstance without actually evaluating said circumstances. These days I go for appropriate over dogma. Sometimes the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is not the most appropriate response. I've learned to mitigate responses and weigh more than one element when the truth is not of high importance. Does my ass look fat in these jeans need not be answered with "yep" nor with "of course not" when it's obvious those jeans really are fat ass jeans. A tactful " These jeans are not the best cut for your shape, you might want to try X instead" is truthful without being cruel. You have saved your friend/mate from going out in unflattering jeans without insulting their body in the process. Win-win. :)

For things of a more pressing nature I default to honesty. The truth is often hurtful and sometimes there is no way to soften it but when it's important it must be spoken. I don't believe however it needs to be yielded as a weapon. When I cross paths with people who describe themselves as brutally honest I am immediately on guard b/c my experiences with this type of person has been overwhelmingly negative. They seem to enjoy the brutal way more than they appreciate the honesty.  I can't get with taking delight in hurting someone even if it is technically being honest.

Something that I've noticed about myself is when I'm close to someone be it friend or lover I don't lie to them. I hold them close enough to my heart that I don't have to hide and I expect the same level of truth from them. In close relationships I am not at all forgiving of lies. I realize that if i am going to expect honesty I have to create an environment that encourages honesty in dealing with me which can be difficult because I am sensitive and my initial reaction to some things isn't always pretty. By the time people get to know me hopefully realize I'd rather deal with difficult truths than not even if it doesn't initially look that way. Especially if I really do look fat in those jeans. :)