Adventures in Emmieland

I was reading a blog post about camping tonight and in the post the author revealed that she is very adverse to camping and after being asked repeatedly to accompany her boyfriend and refusing without really explaining she finally laid out the roots of her feelings to her boyfriend. I noticed in the comments someone was quick to say that he was pushing her boundaries, call him a "whiny man child" and even say that if he was going to push her on this issue then he could not be trusted to respect her on other issues. There was an immediate string of agreements and only one dissenting opinion. It seems shameful to me that we as women and as a society are so quick to brand men as dangerous and call them out of their names based on so little. The poster told one story about her interaction with her boyfriend which in all honesty could be looked at in several different ways. I couldn't assess his character as a whole because there just wasn't enough to go on and yet peopl...

I've been feeling a lot better over the last two days but I still can't seem to concentrate for anything.  Today I even decided it was well past time for me to put on something besides sweatpants and a T-shirt and donned a cute top, tights, and a skirt. Even let me hair out of confinement and took a few pictures! It's what I do when I'm not feeling well since it really takes my mind off feeling crummy. Tomorrow is the anniversary of Das and my first official date. Hard to believe it's only been 7 years since it seems like we've been together forever. It's funny how often I start a story with "don't you remember when..." only to realize the event happened before I met him.  I guess folding his clothes was prophetic since here I am 7 years later still folding his clothes, doing his dishes, cleaning his bathrooms, warming his bed, fulfilling his every whim & wish and this is what I will be gladly doing for the rest of my life.

Today is better! Sleepy but better. I think 70% of the day has passed by while I had a passing acquaintance with consciousness. Now I just want to be allowed to eat food that it's wall colored... In other news, I don't have any as I'm too sleepy to construct coherent sentences. I'm lucky to have a top notch care giver on hand to make sure I don't do things like indulge my deep seated desire for eggs and cream cheese. :)

An exciting morning was had by all and by all I mean Das and I. After a terrible night of whimpering, spiking fevers, fainting from pain and constant diarrhea it finally occurred to me to call my dr's after hours line. After a brief consultation I was told to go to the ER post haste. So by 8am I was in a room stripped down to the undies with only a flimsy gown to try and warm me in the sub zero temperatures that hospitals insist on keeping all the rooms and not one blanket in sight. I was poked prodded, pummeled, made to pee in a cup and when that pee was found unsatisfactory given a catheter. After almost 5 hours the verdict came back as I have a kidney infect that is indeed clearing up but I was experiencing terrible side effects from the original antibiotic. So my antibiotic was switched, I was given morphine and IV fluids for a while and upon release I had a script for painkillers, a new antibiotic, and a command to follow up with my nephrologist within a week. I'm home n...

I got to spend a considerable amount of my afternoon at the doctor's office due to flank pain, the verdict a kidney infection. So tomorrow morning I start a week of oh so yummy antibiotics and hope that I'm not allergic to them and that a single round is sufficient. Follow up in a couple of weeks. You know when everyone at your doctor's office and all the tech's/pharmacist at your local retail pharmacy know you not only by sight but by name, you are there way too much. :) I wonder why doctors don't prescribe an anti-nausea medication along with the antibiotic when nausea is the most common side effect for most of them? Just seems like a logical thing to do to me but maybe that's my selfish desire to not spend a week feeling like I'm going to throw up speaking. I am glad I have time to rest, looks like I will be needing it. I think chocolate is needed too, lots of nice dark chocolate...

Friday I went to withdraw the kidlet from school, we were sitting at a table in the common area after the receptionist had called for the counselor chatting with one of his friends. The counselor appeared after a few minutes, looked over at us and proceeded to ask the receptionist if the parent had arrived.  At that point I felt the need to speak up, she looked taken aback but recovered well and we got things done. At the airport later in the weekend first I ran into a kerfuffle with the ticket agent who had a difficult time comprehending that I was not the unaccompanied minor in need of a ticket. When he finally thought to look at my driver's license that bit of confusion was cleared up, the proper tickets were printed and we sprinted off to security with less than an hour before the plane was scheduled for take off. Once we got to the blessedly short line at security I allowed the kidlet to go in front of me. He went through the ID check with no issues and I made it through wit...

So now the changes are coming upon us, this weekend my son who has lived with us for the duration of our relationship, and of course with me much longer given he is my son, is moving. He's going to live with his father. I am curious to see how this will impact our day to day lives in regards to our dynamic. I'm curious because I've heard people swear you can't do M/s while there are children in the home of any age do to constant worries of state interference from an indiscreet word no matter how innocently spoken from the child. Personally I haven't had that worry even though I have been the subject of a child services investigation which went fine.  Others have said that having children underfoot stop you from executing all manner of elaborate rituals that are absolutely necessary to maintain M/s properly. Das has never to my knowledge had any interest in elaborate rituals so nothing has been missed there. It's not that I doubt there will be noticeable chan...

My youngest brother posted a link to a Christian site and when I clicked on it I noticed a post on Beyonce so naturally I clicked it. There was a review of her new videos which expressed concern over her move to being  explicitly sexual in them unlike her earlier work. I hadn't yet seen any of them in fact I had no idea about them so I was reading it without any point of reference. I read some of the comments which didn't all agree with the poster and I even linked to a blog that had a very different viewpoint. Then I watched one of the videos. The one my brother linked me to was Drunk In Love and it was explicitly sexual in that she was obviously a woman comfortable with her body and her sexuality and her sex life with her husband. There was so much playfulness, sass, tenderness, raunch, and love evident in the interplay of them that watching it was a voyeuristic pleasure. Frankly it is the kind of video that makes you want to go give your man a surprise striptease. Maybe ...

 This morning when we were discussing different points of protestant theology I kept looking quizzically at Das and explaining that I was raised with the exact opposite belief than what he was telling me were building blocks of the protestant movement. In fact most of the time it wasn't just implied or vaguely understood it was specifically preached against such as the idea of once saved always saved and having belief being able to stand on it's own. He has pointed out before that it seems the church I was raised in took a lot of it's belief structures from the catholic church even though it was protestant. The more we have various conversations and I mention this or that from that church the more often he says yep that is a catholic belief to the point where I've begun to doubt the validity of calling it protestant. Of course I also think calling it a church is somewhat generous as I tend to think of it as more cult-ish. It amuses me that even though I did spend so...

I curled my hair with pipe cleaners last night. I've tried curling it several times with varying amounts of success before but I have to say the pipe cleaners are the best so far. Yay curls!

Das and I were talking yesterday and the subject wound around to various people we've known over the years. I was quite taken aback to discover that in one case in particular the fact that I had never spent any time alone at with someone wasn't happenstance as I had always assumed. Das pointed out that although the individual in question self identified as the follower in his relationship he was in fact someone who had a forceful dominant air about him that was palpable, add that to the fact that he was attracted to me and a nice person whom I liked and he found it best that I not be put in temptation's way. I was not as one might suspect insulted at the insinuation that I would be tempted to indiscretion.  I'd like to say it's a complete impossibility but I'm more honest with myself than that. I have always be drawn to obedience of dominant men of a certain stripe sometimes despite myself and against my better judgement. Even when the voice in my head is scre...

Reading a thread on fet about moving on as a slave after the end of an M/s relationship I noticed someone gave the advice of reclaiming your old habits and enjoyments. I've seen that advice before and in fact I've witnessed people doing it. It's not something I think has merit in and of itself. I don't understand the idea of going backward as a good plan. You aren't the same person you were so why would trying to recapture the past be the best way to move beyond the pain and confusion of no longer being owned? It would seem to me that exploring who you are at the present time as a combination of who you were along with whatever changes you've made and with whatever new self discoveries may emerge in the process would result in the best outcome. Denying parts of yourself never brings inner peace and what is running backward but a form of denial? If you stopped wearing pajamas I wouldn't advise going out and buying some because you used to like them before...

I woke up with Britney Spears in my head Piece of Me specifically, I love that song when I first heard it I could definitely relate. In my family and even amongst the people I grew up with in the smallish town I'm from I am "that girl" I think these lines pretty much sum the reactions I get. "(You want a piece of me?) I'm Mrs. Oh My God, That Britney's Shameless (You want a piece of me?) I'm Mrs. Extra, Extra, This Just In (You want a piece of me?) I'm Mrs. She's Too Big, Now She's Too Thin (You want a piece of me?) " Substitute Emmie for Britney and there you go, especially the shameless part, lol. Although the she's too big, now she's too thin... goodness knows that has been a thing for years now. I've never known why my weight has been such a fascinating topic of conversation for so many people. Over the years I have learned to laugh about it but it used to cause me a lot of distress. Not enough to actually toe...

I woke up at an unreasonably early hour this morning as I often do and decided to catch up on all the excitement of FB, you know cute puppies and pictures of food I can't cook. In the midst of all that I saw a friend's vent which given the circumstances of her life currently I found perfectly understandable, what I didn't find understandable was one of the "helpful" replies. Someone basically told her to stop complaining and think of solutions with the old I did it so can you! I have never understood how people think that is helpful in any way. First I'm going to tell you I don't want to hear you when you tell me how rough things are for you right now and then I'm going to tell you that I've had it just as bad but I managed to turn it around so the fact that you haven't is basically your own fault. Thanks... With friends like those... It's deeper than one friend though it is a societal thing. I've noticed my entire life that people do...

It's funny how people will bring up trust sometimes in ways that seem to me to be using it like a weapon in a relationship. I just can't trust him is an oft heard refrain even when the events surrounding the declaration don't warrant it. Take for example a discussion I recent came across online, a woman was lamenting that she could no longer trust her boyfriend of several years because she'd had a pregnancy scare and even though it turned out to be a false alarm and they were still together he'd told her that if she had been pregnant he would have left. On the surface one can see why she'd be mistrustful until reading further when she explains that he has had this stance from the beginning. She entered the relationship with him knowing that he adamantly did not want children (neither does she) and they both share in taking precautions against pregnancy. He doesn't demand she get an abortion if she were to become pregnant and he has told her he would provid...

Last night I was reading an article on xojane in which a woman discussed her bewilderment with learning to deal with her period in middle school. in the comments this somehow led to a discussion on menstrual cup, diva cups in particular and I was all ears because I love my diva cup. I think it's the best ever invention and curse whatever forces that didn't make it immediately available the day I started. While I read this long thread person after person talked about her normal, moderate, and even somewhat heavy period being able to be captured by her diva cup for over 12 hours with not a hint of leakage. being able to sleep without a worry and basically being completely worry free as far as overflow goes. It started me scratching my head b/c as much as I sing the praises of my cup from the mountain tops I still wake up after 7 hours tops and have to shuffle off to dump it and clean the blood off my thighs. I don't have a leakage issue in general but I try to go 12 hours t...

Das and I laugh a lot about me being a princess, usually as I have my feet up on a pillow while eating a chocolate bar or some other decadent treat. From the outside it does look like quite the pampered life and I will fess up to quite a bit of spoiling.  I don't let it go to my head though, I know what is given can just as easily be taken away.  Something that we've noticed though is when we say princess people only conjure up images of the indulged, spoiled girls running amok which couldn't be further from the truth. The life of an old time princess was actually not too far of from that of a slave just better dressed and fed, probably fewer whippings too. The princess was the property of her father a pawn to be used for political advantage. Her life was not her own in an way whatsoever, what privileges she had were either gifts from the king or things that would further the king's agenda. She was never autonomous first living under the thumb of her father the king ...

I am finally awake! If anyone says modeling is an easy gig they are lying. Granted I do tire somewhat easily but still hours of make up, hair & accesories, standing around in heels, freezing in underheated backstage dressing areas while getting prep so you don't sweat,  actually walking on the runway as if you haven't a care in the world and then mingling and photos after the show for hours, it wears a girl out. I smile a lot naturally but I think I may have strained a cheek muscle. I spent all weekend resting and today is the first time I've been able to walk without a limp from calf soreness. I would of course do it all again because It had a blast and obviously I am a masochist. ;) I think the prettiest picture Taken of me was actually not onstage or by one of the professionals (that I've seen, most of them haven't released theirs yet) but outside taken by a friend. It would be easy to get my head turned by all the attention and flattery I've gotten...

Last night in the couple of blocks between where we parked and the venue we walked through a group of black men who had the look of men up for a bit of mischief. Das was wearing all black and I was wearing red leggings, black ankle boots, black miniskirt, and a coat covering my black tank top.  As usual I was about half a step behind him because he walks faster than me even though he never looks like he's going very fast.  As we move closer to the group they part giving us room on the sidewalk and one brave soul pipes up "Hey brother that's one fine black woman you got there" Das smiled said "I know" and kept walking. He tried to further engage Das but when Das  replied "I'm in a hurry man"   the dude backed down, literally with his hands up, lol. Over the years I have encountered many groups of black men similar in flavor the the one we ran into last night while with a white male companion either romantic or platonic but never have I had tha...

Just got in from modeling in a fashion show for charity which was a rousing success. I had my picture taken numerous times by strangers with large complicated looking cameras which I think is a good thing and bodes well for the designer whose fashions I was wearing. Somehow I ended up being the first one to go onstage, I was nervous but by all accounts I did not embarrass myself.  :) Now I am immensely tired but I wanted to pst the only picture I have so far, one Das took a few minutes ago to memorialize the amazing make-up job that was done on me.

Hair is so funny and looking over my teen pictures I realized I actually did have one that clearly shows the extend of hair shrinkage I experience. Some people have broken it all down with percentages and whatnot but I have no idea all I know is that when my hair gets wet in it's natural state it looks very very short. The hours it takes to untangle and straighten it are what led me to first keeping it cut very low after I stopped relaxing it and then getting dreds when I decided to grow it out.  exhibit A: My hair is the same length and worn loose in both pictures,  the main difference being in the picture at the beach I had been in the water. The picture on the right was taken at some point after I'd pressed my hair but on a different day. This effect is why so many black girls are constantly at war with any hint of humidity and cursing rain. I have a lot of memories of having my hair pressed in the mornings only to have it revert by afternoon due to profuse sweating ...

Every day this week I've woken up and bounced out of bed under the assumption that it is somewhere in the vicinity of 6 am. I have been wrong every damned day. I haven't gotten up later than 3:30am yet. Today it was 2:30am. Not sure just what hijinks my body is up to this time but strangely enough I'm not butt dragging tired until around 7/8pm so no big deal. Well it won't be until Friday night anyway, I have shit to do Friday and need to be up late so my body needs to get its act together. Whatever is a girl to do at the ridiculous hour of the morning hmm. I'm thinking learning to actually use some of my photo editing software is not a bad idea. :) youtube tutorials here i come!

" A Babygirl is someone who relates to girly ways. You may like being treated like a princess, being dressed up, or it could be as simple as a feeling you get when alone with Daddy. It's all in how you feel and it has nothing to do with a specific age. A Babygirl can be 18 to 100, and they may or may not have an interest in things like coloring and stuffies . "  I found the above definition in a fet group for babygirls (Babygirl Beginners) and of the definitions I've seen that is the one that resonates most with me. I've tried before to explain why I refer to myself as a babygirl but I'm never sure if it comes across clearly.  Below is something I said in a recent conversation about being a slave and a babygirl.  "  I identify as both a babygirl and a slave not because I am a little, I'm not, but because my general personality is rather childlike and with Das that is amplified. I started calling Das daddy early into our first year together. H...

I came across an article on XOJane that referenced another article that scrutinized the harmful effects of selfies. I will admit that I did not read the original article because really who has time for that? Ok technically I have time just no interest. Anyway I think the idea that selfies are inherently horrible is silly, this could be bias talking since I am vain and pretty quick to snap my own picture but seriously what harm is it in doing so. I enjoy documenting different looks and expressions and it's fun to share them with my friends on social media. I do try to mediate what I put on FB since I'm pretty sure everyone on my friends list doesn't want a non stop stream of pictures of me but I have no qualms about posting pics of my cuteness on instagram. If you are following me on instagram my assumption is that you want to see pictures of me and/or things I find interesting since the whole point of instagram is to share pictures. So if people really don't want to see...

In light of my babygirl post and because I'm finally feeling lots better and like having my picture taken :) I asked Das to take a picture of me today. What I am wearing is a pretty average day to day styel for me including the pigtails, lol. I do wear my hair down most of the time but pigtails are the second most worn style. I think "youthful" is the best term for my go to look. I do wish he would tell me when my clothes are crooked before taking the picture though, lol.

I can't even... a friend of mine sent me a link on fet in a passing conversation about marriage and M/s and wow I think I need to scrub my brain now. The title tipped me off but the contents just horrified me. The post was entitled "The Ring on My Finger Trumps the Collar on Her Neck" and was written by the M-type in the relationship. He described all the chores and childcare he did and how even though she was collared to him that didn't mean anything compared to her being his wife and she had plenty of time to submit to him at night in bed for an hour or so after everything was done. Umm no just no. I'm not actually objecting to him doing things in his house, whatever he's the boss of his house and if he decides it runs better with him doing some stuff then that's his prerogative. What I object to is the magical wedding ring. It seems to have inherent properties that allow it to dictate how he will run the household no matter what. Not only does it dict...

I was reorganizing my itunes playlists this afternoon and came across the number 1 hits of destiny's child. I didn't even know I had that so I decided to listen to one song because I didn't recognize it from the title, Cater to You. I loved it! it was all about serving and appreciating her man in a way that is so familiar to me that I wonder about the nature of Bey and Jay-Z's relationship. :) I love pop music and it's so much fun for me when I find something in that genre that expresses something meaningful to me. Most of the time I'm enjoying it for the danceability and bounciness but the occasional depths are nice.  I especially liked this part : I wanna give my breath My strength, my will to you Thats the least I can do Let me cater to you It's rather rare in a pop song that you see references to giving over your will to someone especially a woman to a man in this day in age.  The fact that this was on their number 1 compilation makes me grin. I k...

I participated in the oddest conversation on a website that caters to submissive women & dominant men. Someone asked about the feasibility of combining slavery with D/bg and if anyone had done it with success. Although the thread was a few days old I decided to chime in as that is how we identify and it's been working well for us. I explained why I felt like a baby girl including the fact that I do not identify as a little, in fact it was probably the best I have ever articulated what baby girlness feels like for me. Like most things I don't expect that everyone has the same experiences or even labels the same ones in the same way but I was still a bit surprised at the vehemence in arguing not against just the idea of babygirl slaves but against the naming of my own experience in a way that resonated with me. Disagreements in ideology aren't a huge deal to me even if I'm convinced that the people disagreeing with me are obviously wrong. Disagreeing with someone...

Yesterday Das was talking to a friend of his from Canada, an ex girlfriend actually. They've known each other since they started dating at 19 and through their 7 yr relationship and now almost 20 yrs of friendship they have never stopped loving each other.  Even though I've always known this I was still taken a bit by surprise when he told her he loved her.  I envy their relationship, they haven't seen each other in years or even talked on the phone but once they did it was as if no time had passed for them. They fell right into their personal rhythm of comfort with each other. I saw the same thing when another friend of his came to town and met us for coffee a few years back. If I hadn't known that they hadn't been hanging out in years then I would have sworn that day was just one of many coffee dates they had weekly at a minimum they were so relaxed and in sync.  There wasn't even that generally anticipated awkward first 5 minutes that usually occur when you h...

I love reading hair posts, blogs, articles... pretty much anything to do with hair and if it's loc specific all the better. What I keep coming across that continues to confuse me to no end is the amazing amount of energy people seem to be putting into making locs neat. To me neat locs is an oxymoron, locs are by definition the antithesis of neat. I guess the mindset that draws people to locs and yet seeks to tame them will remain a mystery to me. Of course it probably doesn't help that I am not enamored of neatness for neatness sake especially when it comes to my hair or personal style.  Untethered, wild, unencumbered, unrestrained, free flowing, expressive, expansive... those things I find personally highly valuable. Different strokes I guess.  

I read a blog pretty regularly that covers a lot of topics but the mainstay is family/parenting and religious upbringing. One of the things that draws me to it is the background of the blogger which is similar to my own and reading how she has navigated through leaving that brand of christianity and managed to maintain a relationship with her parents interests me. Really relationships of all kinds interest me, I'm intensely nosey and intrigued by people which is one reason I love blogs,  being allowed into other people's lives is good stuff. Anyway in a recent post she discussed how she is no longer angry with her parents for the way they treated her when she first left home and began to express differing opinions from theirs. She is wistful for the lost closeness and sad and even hopeful for the future. Something I found interesting was in the comments people over and over talked about how important it was that her children and children in general be allowed contact with gra...

It's funny how once you make a decision things start to arange themselves in a way that supports it. This weekend we realized we had to make some long term decisions and today we've had a couple of things happen that just last week we would have said no way in hell would they even be options. Change is in the works around here, not making it all public just yet but looking forward to it.

I just read a little post on soulmates and it was cute and I actually agreed with parts of it like the notion that relationships shouldn't be hard and the idea that you have to suffer for love is nuts. What irked me though is this "so skip the supermodel. The pursuit of your own personal Jessica Alba or David Beckham." Now while I don't think going after someone you think looks like a supermodel as the top quality is the best basis for a relationship I don't see why it has to be thrown out altogether. The way it's thrown in the essay it sounds like the author is saying that anyone's real potential soulmate is going to be plain to ugly by default. I call shenanigans. Hot people don't make bad mates on the basis of being hot. To say otherwise is insulting and discriminatory not to mention shows not only shallowness but an unattractive insecurity on the author's part. Your soul mate doesn't have to be a supermodel but why can't they be? If y...

Woke up early today with a full busy brain. This doesn't bode well for the calm day I was hoping to have.  Spent the last few days trying to figure out what is the best for everyone (including me!) with regards to kid custody and once I presented my conclusions to the ex I was met with a lot of radio silence. I can only hope he sees where I am coming from and that things can move ahead smoothly. I guess we shall see... Not much going on on the homefront, we are still here albeit quiet. Black tea is delicious but green tea is evil, this is my conclusion after many weeks of dedicated tea drinking. Das gives me a lot of flack for drinking herbal tea so I decided to branch out into black tea and green tea. The black teas are so yummy I think they will become a staple.  One good thing about drinking so much tea is that I am very well hydrated and I think that has been helping my congestion. I'm feeling lots better now just trying to shake the remaining congestion so that I can ge...

I have often heard slaves say that submitting in the bedroom was easy for them but the real life stuff posed greater difficulty.  I always want to engage further on these remarks because I'm not sure I quite get them. what is the real world and what in the bedroom does one submit to? I don't like being on top in a literal sense, during sex because I start thinking about how my boobs look, and losing my rhythm, and my thighs hurt, and I make silly faces...  Him on top is greatly preferred from my point of view but I'm not so sure that is a submissive thing as much as it is a function of me being easily distractible and self conscience. When he's leading I don't have time for all that, I'm too busy keeping up and focusing on his direction to be sidetracked by my own neurosis. Real life is everything to me, no part of my life is not real. Maybe I'm thinking about it the wrong way but I personally have found many things infinitely easier than sexual submission...

It's official children are evil. I spent a couple of hours in the company of a friend and her young children a couple of days ago and I have come down with the plague.  One day I will have an immune system that works but apparently today is not that day, lol. Luckily I still have cold medicine left over from my last two bouts of plague (one of which was also brought on by contact with children, just saying) so hopefully I will be more comfortable shortly. Nothing to be done but to wait it out and drinks loads of tea.

Last night was great! We attended the Way Gay Sing Along at a local movie theatre which was a load of fun. Lots of singing and dancing, I even convinced Das to dance with me to  Pink & Brittany Spears. Afterwards we went with some friends to a gay bar that we hadn't been to in a while. It used to be something of a dive but they've remodeled it nicely.  The men had cigars and I sipped a drink for a couple of hours while alternately listening to the music and listening to the conversation going on around me. When we finally called it a night and trudged home I was wiped. Yet somehow we ended up talking for another hour or so before finally laying down. I don't think I have had that much fun in a while just hanging out being silly. It felt good and was long overdue.

We were talking about insecurity, ego, & intimidation in relation to being with each other. Of course I fess up to moments of insecurity not in the getting together funnily enough but after I'd gotten to know a bit about his exes. They were all quite extraordinary and there have been times that I've wondered how someone who was attracted to them could also be interested in me. Luckily I've never had a huge issue with my ego so it wasn't an ongoing issue. Das has always been secure in my affections and in deserving them. I do envy that kind of confidence and wonder what it must be like to never second guess why you've been chosen as someone's lover.  Some people have all the luck.

I woke up rather abruptly just after midnight, threw on my robe and made a beeline for the garage where I was pretty certain I would find Das. He asked me why I was up and I told him, I'd been awaken by a weird dream. He prodded me to describe the dream so I did, I'd just dreamed of an exploding rodent. He looked at me for a second and told me that he'd just smooshed a rat about 30 seconds before I'd opened the garage door. I love being connected to him but really he could have kept his transmissions of smooshed rat to himself, ick.

Drama has gotta a bad rap. All the time people say "I don't do drama" as if on it's own drama is a terrible thing but drama by definition isn't negative at all. drama: an exciting, emotional, or unexpected series of events or circumstances.  What's so bad about that? I wonder if people really don't like excitement or emotions?  There does seem to be a lot of general discomfort with honest displays of emotions so that may be a part of it. I think a part of it too is that we are utilizing a fairly limited vocabulary to try and express a wide range of things.  The person who has normal ups and downs of life and handles them in a reasonable manner if not always a perfect one, most of us can deal with. On the other hand the person who seems to always be in crisis especially those of their own making and has terrible coping skills who exhausts us even when we spend minimal time in their presence or the person who is always snarky about everyone and generally u...

Talking to my mom yesterday I mention that Das would not allow me to eat his utterly delicious looking macaroni and cheese until he was satisfied with my intake of meat and vegetables. I actually used the word allow and we had a good laugh about him peering around on of the serving dishes after ordering me to get vegetables when I swore I already had, just to be sure I wasn't trying to scam him.  At no point in this conversation did my mother seem the least bit surprised, uncomfortable or perturbed that I her 39 year old daughter was having her food choices dictated to her by her mate.  This may seem amazingly progressive but really it's not, I just come from a very patriarchal family.  In her eyes Das is doing what any good man would/should be doing, laying down the law and looking out for the welfare of his woman. The fact that I'm happy counts for something but not for as much as him being obviously in charge of our household. I think this is one reason why being out...

If I have to keep buying different sized bras I will be able to open my own shop. I had to retake my measurements the other day in preparation for a runway show I will be participating in next month and realized that my chest measurements have changed considerably, again.  So I broke out the bra calculator and viola I am in yet another hard to find weird ass size that of course is not the same as any of the sizes I've been previously so I can't find anything in the  bra graveyard I keep in the closet.  Sigh.  I think I single handedly am keeping Fredrick's in business. :)  What I don't understand is how I could have lost 2 inches off my underbust, none of the very little amount of exercise I do targets that area. And I've only lost 2 pounds but all my measurements are down by a couple of inches...bodies are weird.  At least the weight loss has slowed down considerably. I no longer feel like the incredibly shrinking woman, lol. I think I'm maintaining now fo...

On FB yesterday I started participating in one of those popular little word games wherein a friend assigns you a letter and other friends use one word that starts with that letter to describe you, my letter was A.  Among other positive descriptors I got 3 adorables and a couple of allurings I'm pretty sure that is a few steps up from the numerous "sweet" that appears in my high school yearbook.  :)  This afternoon my dad decides to add his two cents to the list and his word was agonistic the meaning of which is argumentative. I saw it and just started shaking my head and laughing because I somehow doubt it has ever occurred to my dad that he is the only person I am that way with. In fact what made it extra funny to me is one of my friends actually described me as amiable higher up on the list. It made me think about my relationship with my parents which even when it's good it's bumpy.  Keeping the peace was a big thing in our house and even when you were right y...

He's doing it again, making me crazy. I've been all abuzz, my body feels quite electric and his smallest touch has my mind flying down to wallow in the gutter. Of course he finds this highly amusing while I find it to be a pain in the ass. We sleep curled up on one another, usually spooning with me as the little spoon. It's mighty hard to sleep when my awareness of him is ramped up 20x higher than usual so that even when I'm dog tired my thoughts run to all the things I want to do to him and him to me. Exhaustion brings me sleep but sleep doesn't bring me relief. When I remember my dreams they are filled with him and when I don't I still wake with a need to touch him. It's both sexual and not at the same time. I think it's that it's not just sex. I find I need to be near him, in his presence is good, touching him is better. If I could spend my days curled up next to him or on his lap I would.   I read a post by a woman I don't know and in it s...

I have spent a good portion of the day looking at lolita dresses and blogs. It all started when I joined a lolita group on fet and saw a petition someone was circulating about lolita being a misunderstood lifestyle, well I had no idea that it was a lifestyle, I just liked the clothes so further research was in order.  A few goggle searches later I came across a blog that explained what a lolita is and isn't, how to start a wardrobe on a budget, recommendations for behavior, all kinds of things. It was truly enlightening. Now I highly doubt I will ever be a lifestyle lolita b/c well like I said I just like the clothes and I am apparently doing it all wrong. I like looking like jailbait, that's a huge part of the attraction for me, it is sexual and meant to attract male attention. Since that is the opposite of  what they state being a lolita is about I'm pretty sure my views would not be welcome on a mainstream site. I do love that I found the blog though because it had g...

The beginning of this week was busy, running around getting stuff filed, doctor's appointments, random shopping and whatnot. Yesterday we just relaxed. In fact I might have actually collapsed.  I am tired this morning, probably b/c I insisted on waking up several times last night for no good reason other than weird dreams. Leprechans, enchanted rivers, running away from unknown evil and something that was important in the last dream but fuzzy now. If I don't write down or speak my dreams right away I generally lose them even though I don't lose the feeling of them. Today we get a new fence on one side, exciting stuff since our fence is insisting on falling down. You know it's time for something to be done when the city sends you a sweetly worded reminder letter of the fencing standard. Even happier t this moment that we rent. :) I had completely forgotten how long brands take to stop hurting and pulling. I am reminded every time I flop down or bend over, lol. From t...